Texts

Paula: Did you get an invitation to Kip and Sheri’s wedding? Robert: Yeah, I did. I’m still trying To wrap my head around the two of them getting married. Never in my wildest dreams would I put those two together. It Boggles my mind that they’re In the least compatible. Paula: What do you mean? … Читать далее

Brett: Hi, Mom. Come in. Welcome to my new place. My roommates aren’t here right now or I’d introduce you. Mom: Hi, dear. This is…uh…nice. Brett: It is, isn’t it? I know you were a little worried about me Moving out and into a house with five roommates. But as you can see, this is … Читать далее

I had been Stressing out about it for a couple of weeks. How do I ask my girlfriend to marry me? We were getting some dinner at a Fast food restaurant before going to the movies. Fiona: Tell me the truth. What’s up with you lately? Doug: Me? Nothing. Why do you ask? Fiona: You … Читать далее

Emily: I’m not going into that house. It’s supposed to be Haunted. Stephen: Come on. Don’t be a Coward. You don’t believe in Ghosts, do you? Emily: I don’t, but I’m not Taking any chances. Just look at that house! It’s Spooky. I’m getting Goosebumps just looking at it. Stephen: You’re only Freaking out because … Читать далее

Pavel: I’m really worried about Hanna. She’s been Hanging around with that girl Carla, and Carla Runs with the wrong crowd. Hillary: Hanna is Rebelling a little. That’s Natural at her age. When I was her age, I thought I knew more than my parents or any adult, and that I should be able to … Читать далее

Rafael: Go away and stop following us. Our Club is for boys only. Hannah: But I want To join. Rafael: You do, huh? Did you know that to join our club, you have to go through an Initiation? Hannah: Okay, I’ll do that. What do I have to do? Rafael: You have To endure weeks … Читать далее

Cuca: What possessed you to agree to become the head of the Homeowners’ association? Emiliano: I’m just tired of all of the Waste and not Having a say. Our Dues keep going up and there seems to be Special assessments every year. I’m not even sure the association is following the Bylaws anymore. I just … Читать далее

Marta: What’s going on out here? What’s all that noise? Bruno: I’m putting the Troops through their Drills. Marta: Troops?! Bruno: Watch this. Hey, I didn’t tell you you could be At ease. Attention! Fall in. Forward, march! Marta: That’s great, but. . . Bruno: I’m not done. Let me show you what else these … Читать далее

Emma: I think It’s time. Uday: I Beg to differ. Emma: You can’t Live in the past. I know that you like Reliving your Glory days, but the only way To move on is To let go of the past. Uday: I don’t want to move on. If you’ve had the life I’ve had, you’d … Читать далее

Flora: What happened to my car?! Saul: I saw it happen. A car came around the corner and hit the back of your car. Flora: Didn’t the driver stop? Saul: No, it was Hit-and-run. The driver just Took off. He was driving like A bat out of hell. It looks like he caused some Damage. … Читать далее

Jeff: So, does that sound okay with you? Lucy: What? Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you said. Jeff: You seem Preoccupied today. What’s up? Lucy: Oh, it’s this guy I know from this class I’m taking. His name is Richard. I think I’ve mentioned him before. Jeff: Yeah, sure, the guy you’re working … Читать далее

Jim: You know that Religion is a Taboo subject, especially with Paul. Why were you Baiting him all through dinner? Tammy: I wasn’t baiting him. We have very different views on Spirituality and I wanted to discuss the subject with him. Jim: You were making Disparaging remarks about his Faith and some of the things … Читать далее

Dear Jake, I wanted to thank you for all of the help you’ve given me over the past several weeks. Being laid up with Pneumonia really Caught me Off-guard, but you went Above and beyond in taking care of me. Before I got sick, we had only known each other as neighbors and only for … Читать далее

Paulina: Did you get your Social Security statement? I just got mine in the mail. If I keep working at this rate for the next 20 years, between Social Security and my Savings, I should be Sitting pretty for Retirement. Carlos: Yeah, I should be okay when I retire, too. I’ve been contributing to a … Читать далее

Buck: I’m never going to that coffee house again! Star: Why? What happened? Buck: It’s the third time in a week that I’ve had Lousy service. I don’t expect Five-star treatment, but I do expect Service industry employees to be at least Civil. Star: What happened this time? Buck: I walked in and went up … Читать далее

Celeste: So, here is my Shortlist. Albert: A shortlist for what? Celeste: Baby names. Albert: We have months to decide. Don’t you think we should wait? Celeste: No, I want to be prepared. Here, take a look. See what you think. Albert: Ezekiel?! You want to name our child Ezekiel? He’ll be Teased by every … Читать далее

Grace: What happened to you?! Paul: I had a little accident at the game today. Grace: Little accident?! You’re Limping and obviously in pain! Paul: I just Pulled a muscle in my back and Aggravated my Runner’s knee, that’s all. It’s nothing to worry about. Grace: And you’re still recovering from the Sprained ankle, Concussion, … Читать далее

Anton: Look at that guy. He’s been in town two weeks and he’s already Throwing his money around. Vanessa: You know as well as I do that Money talks. He’s just trying To make a splash in the business community. Anton: If that were all he was doing then I wouldn’t say anything, but he’s … Читать далее

REPEATED WORD FOR WORD AS I HEARD IT-[Written about 1876] It was summer-time, and twilight. We were sitting on the porch of the farmhouse, on the summit of the hill, and «Aunt Rachel» was sitting respectfully below our level, on the steps-for she was our Servant, and colored. She was of mighty frame and stature; … Читать далее

Andrea: Help me decide on which type of hotel room To book. George: I want the one with a bed. Andrea: Very funny. We have a choice of different views, and each one is a different price. For instance, a room with a City view is $175 a night and a Panoramic view is $275 … Читать далее

Ray: I have a great idea for your next vacation. You should go on a Singles cruise. Samantha: I’m not going on a singles cruise. Everybody will be On the make. Ray: That’s the point, isn’t it? You can Take your pick of single guys. What could be better? Samantha: I’m not interested in having … Читать далее

Khaled: Are you going to the Polling place or are you Voting by Absentee ballot again? Bernice: I always vote with an absentee ballot so I can vote in the comfort of my own home and In my own time. In fact, I’ve already mailed in my ballot. Khaled: Good for you. Which Candidate did … Читать далее

Clerk: Yes, can I help you? Orlando: I want to get a Passport. Clerk: Have you filled out the Application? Orlando: No, I haven’t. Clerk: Come back when you’ve filled it out. Orlando: Okay, I’ve completed the application. Clerk: Let me see it. You need to fill in your Social Security number here and you … Читать далее

Elaine: You look happy. Jerry: Me? Oh, I was just talking to Ling. Elaine: Oh, No wonder! You better Watch out. She’s a big Flirt. Jerry: What do you mean? Elaine: Did she Make eyes at you and Whisper sweet nothings in your ear? Jerry: Well, yes, she said she’d never met anybody like me … Читать далее

Yuki: What are you doing? Al: I’m getting ready to give Charlie a Spanking for Beating up his classmate. He has to learn that there are serious Consequences for his actions. Yuki: You’re Punishing him for beating someone by giving him a beating? That doesn’t make sense. Our response shouldn’t be An eye for an … Читать далее

After three months of summer vacation, I was looking forward to the start of a new school year. … Okay, everybody, Settle down. Take your Seats and get out your Textbook. Charlie, Eyes on your own book. And Kathy, do you have something To share with the rest of the class? No? Then put that … Читать далее

Clint: Anya! Long time no see. Let me buy you a drink. I’m celebrating. Anya: Oh, yeah? What’s the good news? Clint: My company has had a Banner month. Since we Launched our new Line of software, we’re having trouble Keeping up with demand. Every product is Flying off the shelves. Anya: Wow, that’s great … Читать далее

Erica: So your suggestion is to hire outside Consultants to handle the extra work associated with the Expansion. Stefan: I think there are a lot of benefits: we get someone with the right Expertise quickly, we can use him or her As needed, and we can save on employment taxes and Benefits. What’s not to … Читать далее

Adam: With our Expansion into these new areas of business, I think we need to think seriously about changing our Corporate image. We’re much more than just a paper company now. Eva: I think you’re right. Our Brand has changed, and if we want to keep Brand loyalty, we need to think about protecting and … Читать далее

Maggie: Watch out! Are you okay? Conrad: I’m fine, but I almost Tripped over that Crack in the Driveway. We’ve got to get that Fixed. Maggie: I know it’s a Hazard, but First things first. We should fix those broken Front steps, don’t you think? Conrad: I see what you mean. Maggie: And we have … Читать далее

Kerry: I need to take out a small business loan and I’m trying to figure out what the Interest rate would be. Do you understand this stuff? Oscar: If it’s the same as a Mortgage loan, then I think I understand it In general terms. The interest rate would be the percentage of the amount … Читать далее

Eleanor: Isn’t it a beautiful day? The sun is shinning; the birds are singing. It’s good to be alive! Porter: Okay, Pollyanna, go Spread good cheer somewhere else. Eleanor: What’s wrong with you? You must have Woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Porter: I’m just having a bad day – no, Make … Читать далее

I was telling my friend, Gina, a joke. I began it by saying, “An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into this bar, and…” Suddenly, Gina Grabbed my arm and shook her head. I turned around and our coworker, Colin, was standing right behind me. Eileen: Oh, hi Colin. I didn’t see you standing … Читать далее

Jermaine: Wait! You shouldn’t Bid on that Auction right now. Wait until the Last minute. Bethany: This auction has a Buy-it-now price of $25 and free Shipping. Jermaine: Don’t pay the buy-it-now price. The Minimum bid on this item is $10 and the Current bid is only $12.50. There’s no Reserve, so if you wait … Читать далее

Jeng: What did you do this summer? Cynthia: I worked at a summer camp as a Nurse’s aide. I thought we would be giving simple First aid, but you wouldn’t believe the kinds of Injuries the kids came in with. Jeng: You mean like Poison ivy, bee stings, bug bites, and Scraped knees? Cynthia: Yeah, … Читать далее

Jessie: Where are you going? Masa: I’m going To stand in line to get one of the first iDopes. They Go on sale this morning at 9 a. m. Jessie: Why don’t you just wait a couple of days when there’ll be no line? Masa: I’m sure they’re going To sell out, and plus, I’m … Читать далее

Russell: Why aren’t you eating? Is there Something the matter with your food? Nadia: No, the food is fine. Russell: What’s wrong? Nadia: I’m not sure How to put this. I really like going to Diners and Hole in the walls with you, and I love Mom and pop restaurants as much as you do. … Читать далее

Alice: Ooh, look at these! Don’t I look great? I’ve always wanted Sunglasses like these. Pierre: You’re supposed to be here helping me pick out Frames for my new Bifocals. Alice: I don’t know why you won’t get Progressives. That’s what everybody is getting these days. Pierre: I’ve always had bifocals and that’s what I’m … Читать далее

Sam: Hi, is this where I can get information on Tours? Nan: Yes, I can help you with that. What type of tour are you thinking about? There are some great City tours that are Half-day or Full-day. Sam: You know, we’ve Explored the city a lot since we’ve been here. I was actually thinking … Читать далее

Sean: By now, I think you know how I feel about you. I’m Madly in love with you and I believe In my heart of hearts that you’re my Soul mate. Ayako: That’s really Sweet of you to say. Sean: And because I feel the way I do, I would like to ask you a … Читать далее

On Friday night, I went with a group of friends from work to a comedy club. I don’t really like Sketch comedy, but I do like Stand-up, and the comedian who was going to perform there was one of my favorites. There were six of us and we were a pretty Rowdy group. We stood … Читать далее

Last week, My administrative assistant gave notice that he was quitting in two weeks. It couldn’t have come at a worse time. It was a very busy time of the year, but there was nothing I could do. Right away, we put a Want ad in the Classifieds and received several applications for the job. … Читать далее

Danny: You’re going to the Prom. How exciting! How should we Style you hair? Clarissa: I’m really not sure. I was hoping you would have some ideas. Danny: I do, but first we need to see if we have the right tools. Let’s look in your bathroom. Here’s some Shampoo and Conditioner, but where are … Читать далее

I love coming to this Italian restaurant. The appetizers and desserts are To die for. When the waiter came to our table To take our order, my friend ordered a lobster ravioli dish, and I ordered my favorite, lasagna. The waiter then asked us, «Would you like a Soup or salad with that?» My friend … Читать далее

There was once a little man whose mother made him a beautiful suit of clothes. It was green and gold, and woven so that I cannot describe how delicate and fine it was, and there was a tie of orange fluffiness that tied up under his chin. And the buttons in their newness shone like … Читать далее

Martin: I’m confused. I’ve been Going over the books and I don’t see several members of the Staff listed and Accounted for. Jina: Oh, I have a special arrangement with a few of them. I pay them Under the table. Martin: Are you sure that’s wise? You could Get busted for Tax evasion. Jina: No … Читать далее

Reiko: When I die, I want a big Funeral. The more Mourners the better! Lucas: Not me. I’m just the opposite. I don’t want any kind of funeral or Wake. I just want to be Cremated and have my Ashes scattered. Reiko: What? You don’t want to be Buried in a beautiful Casket with a … Читать далее

Amina: What’s the Lowdown on the new guy? Earl: Which new guy? Amina: You know, the cute one. Fill me in. Is he single? Earl: I don’t know. I have no idea. Amina: You’re working with him side-by-side and you haven’t Gleaned any personal information about him? Earl: We talk about work. It’s not my … Читать далее

Julio: Hi, Aunt Louisa, it’s Julio. Paula: …And Paula. I’m on the Extension in the kitchen. Julio: Anyway, we just wanted to call and wish you a Speedy recovery. Get plenty of Bed rest and Take it easy. Avoid Greasy or Spicy foods and drink lots of liquids. You don’t want to become Dehydrated. Paula: … Читать далее

[A knock on the door.] Jeff: Come in. Julie: Hi, Dr. McQuillan, I’m Julie Taylor. I’m in your 2 o’clock class on Thursdays. Jeff: Hi, Julie. Have a seat. What can I do for you? Julie: I wanted to come see you during your Office hours because I Missed class last week. I had a … Читать далее