Texts

Fabian: Oh, your babies are Adorable. They’re like Two peas in a pod. Clarissa: They may look like Mirror images of each other, but they’re Nothing alike. They each have their Distinct personalities. Randy likes to sleep during the day and Dominic likes to sleep at night. Fabian: That’s like my babies at home. They’re … Читать далее

Michelle: Why did I get Stuck with buying Corporate gifts for our clients this year? Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I’m good at buying gifts. Rafiq: It’s not because you’re a woman. It’s because you’re the most Junior employee of the company. I had the job three years ago when I started working … Читать далее

Alan: We have to find a Parking space. Let’s drive around the Block one more time. Did you say that the restaurant we’re going to has no Off-street parking at all? Sasha: None. When I called the restaurant earlier today, I was told they have Ample street parking. Alan: Obviously not on a Saturday night. … Читать далее

I’ve been thinking about starting a Blog for a long time now, and after talking to my friend Traver, a popular Blogger, I’ve decided To take the leap. Traver got me started with a basic Template, but I wanted To customize the blog to give it my own Flavor before Launching it. I already have … Читать далее

The school that my daughter attends is trying to decide whether or not To ban certain books, which some parents think are Inappropriate. The school called a parents meeting To talk over the issue. At the meeting, one woman said: “The books on this list are Obscene! I don’t want my children reading that Filth!” … Читать далее

Catherine: Do you have a Draft of the Guest list? We need to get the Invitations out next week. Ralph: It’s not quite done yet. I keep Going back and forth about a few people I’m not sure about, like Lacy Say. Catherine: Lacy Say? She’s a Has-been. She hasn’t been in a movie for … Читать далее

Mario: Do you want to go with me To test drive a car I’m thinking of buying? Danica: Sure. Which Dealership are we going to? Mario: I’m not buying a used car from a dealership. I’m buying it from a Private party. Dealerships Rip you off. Danica: Are you sure about that? My sister bought … Читать далее

Cherise: Well, that was a Rude awakening at 2:00 in the morning! Don: At least we got out of our room before it Flooded. It Serves us right for planning a vacation here during the Rainy season. Our luggage is probably Soaked. Cherise: Oh, no, I’d forgotten about our clothes. If the water doesn’t Recede … Читать далее

My child, To recount with what trouble I have brought you up-with what an anxious eye I have regarded your progress,-how late and how often I have sat up at night working for you,-and how many thousand letters I have received from, and written to your various relations and friends, many of whom have been … Читать далее

Bobbie: I’ve always Pegged you as the Non-violent type. What’s with your Fascination with guns and that sort of thing? Emmanuel: I Come from a long line of military officers and I grew up with all of it. Believe it or not, I learned how To fire pistols and Rifles before I was 10 years … Читать далее

Peter: Look at this! I just won 2,000 Smackaroos! Angela: Where did you get all that money? Peter: I won it Betting on the game last night. I placed a small Wager with high Odds and won big. Angela: Wow, I always put money in the Pools at work, but I’ve never won anything like … Читать далее

I bought a new DVD player last weekend. When I got home and Hooked it up, I realized that it was Defective. I Trudged back to the store to return it. Clerk: Next, please. Jeff: Hi, I bought this DVD player last Saturday and I’d like to Return it. Clerk: What’s the reason for the … Читать далее

Now that the holidays are here, it’s time To decorate the house. Every year, we always Go all out. We buy a Christmas tree and the kids decorate it with Ornaments that we’ve bought and made over the years, and with silver and gold Tinsel. We also hang a Wreath on our front door and … Читать далее

Cleo: The new TV season is starting this week and I can’t wait. I’ve been watching Reruns all summer and I’m ready for the Premiers of my favorite shows. Victor: You watch Madwomen, right? Cleo: Yes, it’s my favorite show. Victor: Then I’ve got some bad news for you. It’s been Cancelled. Cleo: How is … Читать далее

Carl: Uh! What’s that smell? Jody: I’m working on my latest Invention. I’m turning our old food into an Energy source for our car and our house. Carl: Why? There are already lots of types of Renewable energy that power cars and homes, and none of them smell like this! Jody: Well, I think I’m … Читать далее

Sunny: Did you hear the news? Nancy and Brian are Splitting up. Igor: How long have they been married? Sunny: Eight years. I’m sure it was the Seven-year itch. I bet Brian was Unfaithful to Nancy. Igor: How do you know? Maybe it was Nancy who had a Wandering eye. Sunny: Maybe, but It’s a … Читать далее

This is Turning out to be a month for seeing Old friends. I got an email a couple of weeks ago from an old friend from Graduate School. She and her family are visiting L. A. for a week. They plan to see family and to visit old friends. Since she moved out of the … Читать далее

It’s been almost three months since I got a haircut and I went to the Barbershop where I always get it cut. But when I got there, the barbershop had been replaced by a Hair salon. Shinobu: Hi, I used to get my hair cut at the barbershop that was here. Nicole: Yeah, they closed. … Читать далее

Wrestler’s Court is a type of «kangaroo» court that was brought into the WWE by Zeb Colter as a way for two guys to settle any beefs that they may have with each other before things come to blows or get out of hand. It’s meant as a fun way for all the guys to … Читать далее

Question Hi. I sometimes like a nice warm bath in the winter. After a while, the bath gets colder. I know there are a few ways that the bath can lose heat, but does a thick layer of bubbles on the top make any significant difference to the heat retention? Answer We put this to … Читать далее

Wendy: I just heard that you’re not going to use a Recruitment agency to fill the new position. Pedro: No, I’m not. There are so many Internet Job boards out there that I think we can find good Candidates without using Headhunters. Wendy: But headhunters do a good job of Weeding out people who don’t … Читать далее

I had a little time between appointments and stopped at a fast food restaurant to get some lunch. The idea was To save time by using the drive-thru, but it didn’t work out that way. Order-taker: Welcome to McDenny’s. May I take your order? Daniel: Yes. I’d like a Cheeseburger, an order of French fries, … Читать далее

Margo: Oh geez, you’re Drenched! It wasn’t supposed to rain today. Ali: I know. I looked at the Weather report last night and it was supposed to be a nice day. That’s the last time I trust those Weathercasters! I hate Getting caught in the rain. I’m Soaking wet. Margo: When I felt a Raindrop … Читать далее

Carlos: Now that your boyfriend has moved out, you need a Roommate. There’s no way you can Afford this apartment on your own. Inez: I know, but I really don’t want to live with a Stranger. I’d have To put up with all of their Quirks. Carlos: I don’t think you have a choice. You … Читать далее

Lee: Hello, Lee Williams. Bruce: Hi, Lee. This is Bruce Eng. The reason I’m calling is to find out if there is any news about your company’s Takeover bid for Shamrock Corp. It’s been a week and I was wondering what’s happening. Lee: Hi, Bruce. I’m glad you called. I was just about to call … Читать далее

Usain Bolt has brought a lot of money to Jamaica on many weekends. If any international company is thinking of shooting Usain Bolt for an ad campaign, you best start location scouting in Jamaica. Bolt stipulates that all photo shoots with him must be done right here in Jamaica. This is one of the many … Читать далее

Rona: This is impossible. I’m never going to hit the Target. Why is it that I’m the only one in this Archery class who has no Aim? Leonardo: You’re doing fine. I can tell you’re new to this. It takes some practice to develop any Precision. Rona: But you seem to be Picking it up … Читать далее

The chateau into which my valet had ventured to make forcible entrance, rather than permit me, in my desperately wounded condition, to pass a night in the open air, was one of those piles of commingled gloom and grandeur which have so long frowned among the Appennines, not less in fact than in the fancy … Читать далее

Brenda: I have to return these movies in the Drop box today or I’ll have Late fees. Can I get you anything while I’m out? Jang: Are you still Renting movies from the Video store? I use a service that delivers the movies to my mailbox. There are never any late fees. Brenda: I’ve thought … Читать далее

Eric: Let’s Get a move on or we’ll be late – again! Carmen: Hold your horses. I’m On the verge of being ready. Rome wasn’t built in a day, you know. Eric: A day? I’d Settle for a week. Why is it that every time we have someplace to be you’re always Running late? Carmen: … Читать далее

I’m a news Junkie. I like to read two newspapers everyday. I don’t just look at the Headlines. I read most of the stories. I like the Political news, the Business news, the Editorials, and the Entertainment news. The only things I don’t usually read are the Sports pages and the Classifieds. I also try … Читать далее

One of my co-workers, Betty, was Retiring this month after working for the company 23 years. I was put In charge of planning a retirement lunch In her honor at a restaurant nearby. The company was Picking up the tab and it was Up to me to set a day and time. After asking the … Читать далее

Augie: Today’s the day. I’m Giving you the heads up. Our company is Rolling out its new line of cell phones. Lillian: I can see you’re excited about it. What’s so special about the new products? Augie: This line of phones has State-of-the-art technology and Never-before-seen features. It’s been In development for over a year … Читать далее

Our sense of touch is clearly more acute than many realize. A new study by Swedish scientists demystifies the «unknown sense» with first-ever measurements of human tactile perception. In a ground-breaking study, Swedish scientists have shown that people can detect nano-scale wrinkles while running their fingers upon a seemingly smooth surface. The findings could lead … Читать далее

Leona: I want to live close to Downtown. We can get everywhere On foot and walk to most Amenities. Jeremy: Downtown is always Bustling and noisy, and the Crime rate is really high. I’d rather have Proximity to parks and Open spaces. Leona: If we lived downtown, we wouldn’t have to worry about Commute time … Читать далее

Bill: It’s about time! I’ve been waiting for my first Paycheck and now it’s finally here. I’m ready to party this weekend! Whoa! Carol: What’s the matter? Bill: What happened to all my money? The amount of this check is a lot less than I expected it to be. Carol: Yeah, my first paycheck was … Читать далее

Kerry: We’re almost done with the shopping. We just need some Underwear for you and some Unmentionables for me. Russell: It’s perfectly acceptable for women to buy men’s underwear, but do I have to go into the Lingerie store? All of the women in the store laugh at me. Kerry: No, they don’t. I just … Читать далее

Antonio: Why are we stopping here? Melanie: We can’t go to the dinner party Empty-handed. We need to bring a bottle of Wine. Antonio: I don’t know anything about wines. You’ll need to pick a bottle. Melanie: I don’t know much about wines, either. I just know we need a good Table wine. Do you … Читать далее

I visit my Hometown about once a year. This year, I was In town for about five days and there was a family Get-together. It wasn’t a Family reunion since it was just my Immediate family, but still, there were a total of about 45 people who Showed up. Our family parties are always held … Читать далее

Simon: What’s all that? Hilary: It’s a news report about the upcoming Execution of Perry Hickock. Simon: That’s Barbaric. We shouldn’t have Capital punishment in this day and age. Hilary: This guy killed an entire family while trying to rob them in their own home. He was Convicted of multiple murders and given the Death … Читать далее

Bianca: Look at this Logo I Designed for our new line of products. Vien: That’s really nice, but it looks a lot like our Competitor’s logo. In fact, it’s almost Identical. Bianca: No, it’s not. The color is a different Shade of green, the Graphic is smaller, and instead of a picture of a woman, … Читать далее

Jeannie: Everything okay? William: No, I just got off the phone with my daughter’s school and they’re not putting her in the Gifted and talented program. Jeannie: That’s disappointing, but wasn’t she Struggling in school last year? William: Her teachers were thinking of putting her in Remedial classes. Can you believe that? My daughter is … Читать далее

James Hughes, son of the legendary writer and director John Hughes, put together an oral history of Home Alone for Chicago magazine. In it, he reveals how the film ultimately found its director, Chris Columbus. After directing the 1988 flop Heartbreak Hotel, Columbus was worried about finding a new directing gig. Which is part of … Читать далее

Last week, I was at a business Luncheon and I met a woman Named Dana Okri who was Heading a new Start up. I have been a Sales rep for Eureka Corp. for three years now and our Bread and butter is Data management software. I told her briefly about our products over lunch and … Читать далее

Our company has been growing very quickly and I was Put in charge of Reorganizing our office space to Accommodate several new employees. I asked my co-worker, Petra, for her advice. Fernando: I was thinking of dividing up two of the larger offices into four smaller offices. What do you think about that? Petra: Well, … Читать далее

Marianne: I don’t understand it. I got a Notice from the bank that two of my checks Bounced. I’ve never had an Overdraft in my life. Jae: That doesn’t sound like you. You’re always so careful with your money. Marianne: I am! I don’t understand what happened. Jae: Let me take a look at your … Читать далее

Marisa: When we go to our favorite vacation Spot in two months, let’s stay at a different hotel. Oscar: I like the hotel we always stay at. It’s in a Convenient location and we’re already familiar with it. Marisa: That’s just it. It’s Tried and true, but there’s no Novelty and excitement in staying in … Читать далее

Rachel: This tastes Funny. Sergey: It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. Rachel: It tastes like it’s Tainted or something. Don’t you Detect a funny Metallic taste? Sergey: No, it’s perfectly fine. Just eat it. Rachel: I swear there’s something Off about this food. I’m not eating Adulterated food. There’s probably Poison in here and … Читать далее

Jaime: I don’t know what’s wrong with Liam lately. The guy is Short-tempered and Jumps down my throat about every little thing. Debra: [laughs] Jaime: What’s so funny? Debra: I have a feeling that he’s not getting enough sleep. Jaime: You don’t mean you and Liam… Debra: No way! It’s just that the women in … Читать далее

Daniel: You look like you’re Sitting on pins and needles. Muriel: I am. I’m waiting to hear if our Goods have Cleared customs yet. We’re in big trouble if our 50 Crates aren’t Released soon. Daniel: You’ve filled out the proper Paperwork. What could go wrong? Muriel: You have no idea how much Red tape … Читать далее