Texts

Ralph: What’s that? Nicky: It’s a bigger and better tomato. It’s been Genetically modified. Ralph: You’re not going to eat that, are you? Nicky: Of course I am. I’m making a salad. Want one? Ralph: No way. I don’t want to eat something that’s been Genetically engineered in a Laboratory. Who knows what kind of … Читать далее

I needed to Schedule a meeting for the three Departments involved in a new project. I called each one to find a Date that Would work for all three of us. Bruno: So, Nicola, would the Day after tomorrow work for you? Nicola: No, I’ll be Out of the office all day. Could we Do … Читать далее

Francine: Do you know the word in Mcquish for “partnership”? Aziz: No, I don’t speak Mcquish. What are you doing? Francine: Jim gave me this letter and this document To translate into Mcquish because I speak a little of it, but even with a Dictionary and Thesaurus, it’s Slow going. Aziz: Didn’t you tell Jim … Читать далее

A dog’s loyalty to humans is truly unique and quite often awe inspiring. Take this story of an incident that took place back in 2012. A Pit Bull named Lilly risked her life to pull her unconscious owner from the path of an oncoming freight train. Lilly saved her owner, Christine Spain from certain death. … Читать далее

Lawmakers in Beverly Hills are following Phoenix, Arizona’s lead. It is now illegal for pet stores in Beverly Hills to sell dogs and cats that are not from a shelter or rescue. Beverly Hills council member Lili Bosse told the Huffington Post: «I am the biggest animal lover and feel strongly about giving them a … Читать далее

Vivian: Do you see this Lump? I’m sure I have Cancer. Guy: Don’t Jump to conclusions. It could be something completely Benign. Vivian: I know it’s not benign. It’s got to be a Malignant tumor. The cancer is probably at Stage two or three already. The Oncologist will probably want to start me on Radiation … Читать далее

Helen: So, what’s for lunch? Gabe: Since you were nice enough to spend your Saturday morning Helping me out, I’ll make sandwiches for lunch. I know it Doesn’t sound like much, but I Make a mean sandwich. Helen: That sounds good, but you’re not going to use those Cold cuts, are you? Gabe: I was. … Читать далее

Adriana: Shhh, I’m trying to listen to the radio. Ralph: How can you listen to that radio station? All of their Deejays have such funny voices. Adriana: That’s precisely why I like it. Take this guy, Kevin. He has a Deep, Husky voice that I find really Sexy. Ralph: This guy? His voice is so … Читать далее

FOR YEARS I wanted «Doonesbury» creator Garry Trudeau to win the Pulitzer Prize for commentary; he’s 20 times more interesting and engaged than any columnist I read. Similarly, I wanted Bill Watterson, of «Calvin and Hobbes» fame, to win the Nobel Prize in Literature. You think I’m joking. But if great literature tells timeless stories … Читать далее

My favorite Time of year is the summer. I like being Outdoors, doing Anything from Hiking to going to the Beach. One thing about working in an office all week is that I don’t get much Fresh air. With summer here, I plan to take Full advantage. Last week, I went to the beach with … Читать далее

Wendy: I really don’t think Monty is the right person for this project. He’s too Conservative in his thinking. We need someone who’s a Risk taker. Burt: Monty will get the job done. That’s the most important thing. Wendy: Not if the finished product is Staid and boring. Our client won’t be happy with that. … Читать далее

Sally: Why are wasting your time on your Day off watching these Daytime talk shows? Jerry: I think they’re entertaining. Sally: You’ve got to be kidding. The only people who are Booked as guests on those shows are Losers or Exhibitionists who want Attention. Jerry: No, they’re not. These shows are all about Human drama … Читать далее

Connie: You speak McQuillanese. Ask the store owner the price of this Vase. Ivan: All right. He says it’s $60. Connie: That’s actually a great price, but let’s see if I can Talk him down a little. You should never accept the Starting price and the prices in these stores are all Negotiable. Ask him … Читать далее

I grew up in Minnesota where the summers are hot and Humid and winters are Bitterly cold. Living in Los Angeles now, it’s sometimes hard to describe to people how winter weather can be in Chillier climates. In L. A. most of the year, the weather is Sunny, Clear, and warm. In one of my … Читать далее

Dr. Green: Can I Consult you on a case of Medical ethics? Dr. Hause: Sure, I’m not a lawyer, but I can give you my opinion as another doctor. Dr. Green: That’s what I’m looking for, your honest opinion. I have a Patient who has a medical condition that can be Spread to her family, … Читать далее

«In the tropics»the seasons, months, fortnights, week-ends, holidays, dog-days, Sundays, and yesterdays get so jumbled together in the shuffle that you never know when a year has gone by until you’re in the middle of the next one.» «Hop-along» Bibb kept his bird store on lower Fourth Avenue. He was an ex-seaman and beachcomber who … Читать далее

Nothing much usually happens in workings men’s clubs. The odd raised voice over a game of dominoes, perhaps. Maybe a shout of glee at a bull check-out at darts. That is until the last packet of dry roasted peanuts is up for grabs. Then, things can get a bit, erm, tasty. A heated row between … Читать далее

I was Getting into my car at the mall when I noticed a man standing Nearby with a map. He looked confused and I asked him if I could help. He Looked up and was Clearly relieved. He was from Houston, Texas, he told me, and he was visiting his daughter. She was at work … Читать далее

I Ran into my neighbor, Dennis, yesterday afternoon. He asked if I wanted two tickets to the theater. He had Season tickets but couldn’t go to this performance. It was Opening night of Shakespeare’s The Tempest. I jumped at his offer and invited Lucy to come along. We arrived at the theater a half an … Читать далее

George: Step aside! The king of the Cookout is here. I’m ready To work my magic on this Barbecue. Sophia: Here are the burgers and hot dogs. The kids are pretty hungry. George: Hold on. I need to put on the Charcoal. Now I’m ready To fire up this barbecue. Where’s the Lighter fluid? Sophia: … Читать далее

When you think of silk handkerchiefs, pink corduroys, tweed and double-breasted tailoring, would you associate such a style of dress with some of the poorest slums of Africa? What you’re looking at is the phenomenon of Sapeurs, a subculture of extraordinarily dressed dandies from the Congo. In the midst of their war-torn slums, these men … Читать далее

Melissa: I hate that guy Reuben. He’s always Getting in my face. Conan: Ooh, I Sense some Serious sexual tension between the two of you. Melissa: Sexual tension? Are you Out of your mind? He does nothing but Give me a hard time. Conan: That’s because he’s trying to get your attention. Melissa: If he … Читать далее

Bert: Doctor, Give it to me straight. Is my Medical condition serious? Doctor: I suspect that your Rashes and other symptoms are the result of Allergies. Bert: Allergies?! I thought I had some kind of serious Disease. Doctor: Allergies can be serious. I’m going to give you tests to see what you’re allergic to. Bert: … Читать далее

Flight attendant: I’m sorry, sir, but all passengers need to turn off their Portable electronic devices for Takeoff, so you’ll need to turn off your Laptop. Alec: I just need to finish one last email. Flight attendant: Sir, we can’t take off until you turn that computer off. Alec: Fine. It’s off. Why all the … Читать далее

Julie: The government is Out to get me. I feel like I don’t have any real Freedom and everything I do is being Monitored. Ed: Maybe you should move to another country. Julie: I guess that’s one solution. Ed: Yes, you should Seek asylum in another country. Julie: Become a Refugee? I’m not sure I … Читать далее

Monique: Ugh! Jurgen: What’s the matter? Monique: My GP referred me to a Specialist for my back problems, but she doesn’t have any Openings for eight weeks! I’m Waitlisted in case there’s a Cancellation, but if there isn’t one, I’ll have To endure this pain for at least another eight weeks. Jurgen: Can’t you just … Читать далее

Daniela: I got our Lottery tickets during my lunch break. The Jackpot is up to $168 million. Imagine if we won. Boris: Thanks for getting mine, too. When is the drawing? Daniela: Saturday at 6 PM. It’s being Televised on channel 4. Boris: What would you do if you had $168 million? Daniela: The first … Читать далее

My wife was out of town on business and our Nanny was sick, so I took the day off from work to take care of our two kids: Livia, who is two, and Augustus, who is three and a half. I thought that going to the Playground would be a good thing to do, but … Читать далее

Heidi: You look very relaxed reading magazines in the middle of the workday. Tim: It’s my job. I’m Tasked with spotting new Trends. Heidi: And you do that by reading magazines with your feet up? Tim: Why not? I also Frequent places where Hipsters hang out, listening to their conversations and observing what they’re wearing, … Читать далее

Debbie: Okay, I’m off. I’ll be back around eight o’clock. Marcelo: Hey, where are you going in such a hurry? Debbie: I’m going to my Religious education class. Marcelo: Religious education class? What’s that about? Debbie: Well, I’ve decided To convert to McQuillanism. Marcelo: I’m not familiar with that Denomination. It is Christian, isn’t it? … Читать далее

Vince: That’s it! I’ve Had it with Daniel Defying me at every turn. I want him To follow in my footsteps and study law, but he wants to be an artist. He dates girls I Don’t approve of. But this! This is Beyond the bounds of what I’ll tolerate. Alana: I know you’re upset, but … Читать далее

David Copperfield has magically escaped getting robbed. The 49-year-old illusionist was walking with two female assistants to their tour bus after his show Sunday at a performing arts center when four teens pulled up in a black car, a police report said. Two armed robbers allegedly got out of the car and demanded the group’s … Читать далее

Imagine a place where the sun shines year-round, the average annual temperature is 73°, and more than 900 dogs with breed names like «Chubby-Tailed German Dobernauzer» and «Fire-Tailed Border Cocker» roam free across the lush landscape. Sound like Heaven? Well believe it or not, it exists right here on earth! Territorio de Zaguates, or «Land … Читать далее

Anton: It’s amazing that we were able to get these airline tickets so cheaply. Federica: It’s great, isn’t it? We can fly to Lawrence City for a fun weekend. Let’s Check in using this Kiosk. Anton: Hmm, this is asking me to pay $50 to bring a piece of luggage aboard. I didn’t know there … Читать далее

Dennis Rodman seemed to enjoy his short jaunt to North Korea. When Ali visited almost two decades ago, he was less impressed. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, his wife Ri Sol Ju, far left, and former NBA star Dennis Rodman dine in Pyongyang. Will Dennis Rodman’s visit to North Korea help improve relations between … Читать далее

Javier: I saw Terry Cozying up to you this morning. What was that about? Floriane: He was just offering me some advice on my first Proposal. Javier: Sure, he was. What were his True intentions? Floriane: I think he was being Upfront about wanting to help a new employee. I don’t think he had an … Читать далее

Got word from a reader today that a sculpture made in honor of a donation from the Choctaw Nation to the people of Ireland in 1847 has been finished and is now on display in Bailic Park in Middleton, a small town of 12,000 not far from Ireland’s southern coast in County Cork. The backstory … Читать далее

Wanda: I just heard the news. You’re moving to McQuillanland? George: I am. I’ve decided To retire abroad. Wanda: Why? George: It makes a lot of sense for people with a Fixed income. Social Security will Only go so far here, but the Cost of living is much lower in other countries, including McQuillanland. I … Читать далее

Tobias: I really don’t understand why we need new Furniture. After we’re married, we’ll just take the things from each of our two apartments and that should Do the trick. Renee: We each have some things we can keep and use, but it would be nice to have pieces that Match. Right now, we have … Читать далее

Aisha: It’s Only a matter of time before I Retire and Hand over the reins to someone else. Javier: That won’t happen for years. Aisha: It’ll happen sooner than you think. I’ve given a lot of thought to the person I want To fill my shoes. After long Consideration, I think that person should be … Читать далее

Kathy: Thanks for inviting me to see your team. Who’s your best player? Brad: That would be Sarah. She’s a Natural. No one comes close to her speed and Dexterity. She has good Instincts and a Flair for getting out of difficult situations. Kathy: She sounds Promising. Anyone else I should be Keeping an eye … Читать далее

Bill: What are you watching? Susan: I’m watching a really interesting TV program. It’s about how to make a lot of money quickly and easily. Bill: Are you watching an Infomercial? Those things are Scams! You should know better than To fall for some Get-rich-quick scheme. Susan: This isn’t a scam. This program is about … Читать далее

Jimmy: My cousin Sal said that he Put in an application for a job here. Suzanne: Yeah, that’s right. Jimmy: Well? Suzanne: Well, what? Jimmy: Are you going To hire him? Suzanne: I’m not sure. He doesn’t have any experience and he didn’t provide any References. Jimmy: I can Vouch for him. Sal is Solid. … Читать далее

I decided to Switch banks recently, and after looking at my options, I Went for Mar Vista National Bank. I Drove over to the bank, parked next to the Drive-through teller lanes, and walked inside. I made my way to the new Accounts desk, and was greeted by John, one of the customer service representatives … Читать далее

Cesar: Hurry up! We’ll miss the Tour bus if we don’t leave right now. Matilda: I’m just getting some Footage of this area before we leave. “This area is known for its…” Cesar: Now what are you doing? Matilda: I’m doing a Voice-over for this Segment. Voice-overs are very important in good Travel videos. Cesar: … Читать далее

Paula: Okay, I’m off to bed. Marcus: Wait a second. Where are you going with all of those Pill bottles? Paula: My doctor Prescribed a couple of Medications to help me sleep. Marcus: Let me see those. You have four different medications here. This is a Painkiller, this is a Sedative, this is a Tranquilizer, … Читать далее

Marge: Where have you been? You should have been home over two hours ago! Homer: I’ve been trying to get home. Haven’t you been watching the news? The transportation workers union has voted To strike. There was a Mass walkout at 4:30 p. m. today. Marge: You’re kidding! I didn’t know anything about it. They … Читать далее

I was Fed up with work and wanted the day off. I decided To call in sick. I wasn’t prepared, though, to be Peppered with questions. Peter: Hello, this is Peter. Is this Magda? Magda: Yes. This is Magda. Peter: Hi, Magda. I won’t be Coming in today. I’m Not feeling well. I think I’ve … Читать далее

The apples John Chapman brought to the frontier were very different than today’s apples-and they weren’t meant to be eaten. On n a family farm in Nova, Ohio, grows a very special apple tree; by some claims, the 175 year old tree is the last physical evidence of John Chapman, a prolific nurseryman who, throughout … Читать далее

Cody: You’re not the kind of person I would expect to work as a Lobbyist. Jada: Why not? Cody: I Picture lobbyists as being kind of Pushy and Corrupt, using Underhanded tactics. Jada: It’s not like that at all, at least not for me. I just use my Powers of persuasion to help my clients. … Читать далее