The Gift

Related topics:

1. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
2. Mega moron awards MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put […]...
3. Accepting Credit Cards Danny: Are you sure we should start accepting credit cards from our customers? We’ve always been a Cash-only business. Katy: I think we need to for the convenience of our customers. It won’t be as big a Nuisance as you think, with this new Cash register. Danny: The instructions say the Merchant has to swipe […]...
4. Перевод слова clerk Clerk – клерк, администратор Перевод слова Bank clerk – банковский служащий correspondence clerk – корреспондент telegraph clerk – телеграфист He Clerks in a supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. The Clerk recorded their names in the register. Клерк записал их имена в реестр. The Clerk was well bounced for his carelessness. За халатность клерку сурово […]...
5. Перевод слова bureau Bureau – бюро, конторка, комитет Перевод слова News bureau – служба новостей service bureau – бюро услуг travel bureau – бюро путешествий The book is on top of my Bureau. Книга лежит на моем комоде. Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) Федеральное бюро расследований Last year, the environment Bureau was upgraded to a ministry. В прошлом […]...
6. Ways to Pay I was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I […]...
7. Ways to Pay I was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I […]...
8. Please show the I. D The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the […]...
9. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
10. Значение идиомы ring up [ring up] {v.} 1. To add and record on a cash register. Thesupermarket clerk rang up Mrs. Smith’s purchases and told her she owed$33. Business was bad Tuesday; we didn’t ring up a sale allmorning. 2. {informal} To telephone. Sally rang up Sue and toldher the news....
11. The most evil thing “Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse. “Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked. “No,” she replied. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I […]...
12. Buying a Digital Audio (MP3) Player Clerk: Can I help you? Sandy: I’m looking for an MP3 player, but I don’t know a lot about them. Clerk: We have a large Selection, as you can see. Sandy: Wow, I really don’t know where to begin. Clerk: What do you want to be able to do? Sandy: I just want something small […]...
13. Buying a Digital Audio (MP3) Player Clerk: Can I help you? Sandy: I’m looking for an MP3 player, but I don’t know a lot about them. Clerk: We have a large Selection, as you can see. Sandy: Wow, I really don’t know where to begin. Clerk: What do you want to be able to do? Sandy: I just want something small […]...
14. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.” “What is your current name?” asked the clerk. “Martin Arsehole,” replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said “I […]...
15. Перевод слова register Register – журнал, реестр, опись; регистрироваться Перевод слова Ship’s register – судовой регистр register of properties – земельный реестр to register a car – зарегистрировать автомобиль We Registered at a hotel. Мы зарегистрировались в гостинице. The parts Register perfectly. Детали совпадают с идеальной точностью. She Registered as a Republican. Она записалась в республиканцы....
16. Перевод слова motor Motor – двигатель, мотор, автомобильный Перевод слова To burn motor – сжечь двигатель outboard motor – бортовой мотор motor industry – транспортная индустрия The Motor suddenly conked out. Двигатель неожиданно заглох. Williams is obsessive about Motor racing. Уильямс помешан на автогонках. Motor traffic was paralysed in much of the city. В большей части города движение […]...
17. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
18. What Not to Name Your Dog Everybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog “Sex”. When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said “I’d like one too.” But then I said “This is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked […]...
19. Wrong card At the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, “No.” A clerk came over and asked, “May I help you?” “I don’t know,” said the woman. “Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?”...
20. Checking into a Hotel I Flew into Atlanta the afternoon before a Big meeting. I Hailed a taxi at the airport and told the driver the name of the hotel. I asked him How long it would take to get there. He said it would only be 20 minutes. I sat back and relaxed. We got to the hotel […]...
21. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,”Honey, can you go over […]...
22. A technical bastard A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, […]...
23. Перевод слова vehicle Vehicle – транспортное средство Перевод слова An overage vehicle – устаревшее транспортное средство private vehicle – частный, личный автомобиль five-passenger vehicle – пятиместное транспортное средство Do I need to take out insurance on my Vehicle? Нужно ли мне приобретать страховку на мой автомобиль? Their Vehicle was crushed by an army tank. Их машину раздавил боевой […]...
24. Get me something cheap After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “Thats […]...
25. Перевод слова cash Cash – наличные деньги Перевод слова Prompt cash – немедленный расчет наличными cash sale – продажа за наличные for cash, cash down – за наличный расчет We are short of Cash. У нас не хватает наличных. You can also pay by cheque, or by Cash. Вы также можете заплатить чеком или наличными. I’d like to […]...
26. Buying a Men’s Suit Sales clerk: Good afternoon. What can I help you find? Bo: I’m looking for a Suit for work. Sales clerk: I’m sure we have something for you. Are you looking for a traditional or Contemporary suit? Bo: I’m not sure. I’d like To try on some different ones. Sales clerk: That’s no problem. Let me […]...
27. ATM procedures Chase is very pleased to announce that we are installing new Drive-thru ATMs where customers will be able withdraw cash without leaving their vehicle. (Other accounts can also utilise this facility) Male and Female procedures have been tailored to best reflect the behaviors of those particular groupings. PROCEDURE FOR MALE CUSTOMERS: 1. Drive up to […]...
28. Baseball in Heaven Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come […]...
29. Beware of dog! Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that’s him,” […]...
30. Some horse-play The newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal. “No,” he said, “I don’t believe I’ll need it. I’ll just grab onto her ears and hold on […]...
31. Man Posing as Walmart Employee Sends Away Cashier, Steals Money From Register A man posing as a Walmart employee took over a cash register at a Fairfax County store and stole money after checking out a customer, police say. The man, who was wearing a Walmart employee vest, entered the store in the 13000 block of Fair Lakes Shopping Center in Fairfax, Virginia, at around 4 p. […]...
32. Значение идиомы send one packing [send one packing] {v. phr.} To fire someone summarily. When theboss caught Smith stealing from the cash register, he sent himpacking. Compare: SEND ONE ABOUT ONE’S BUSINESS....
33. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
34. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
35. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
36. One day the different parts of the body One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge. The brain said “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.” The eyes said “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so […]...
37. Man posing as security guard steals $75,000 from Oklahoma Wal-Mart A man dressed as a security guard walked out of an Oklahoma Wal-Mart with $75,000 in cash, a crime that went undetected until the real security guards showed up later to transport the money, police said. The suspect walked into the Wal-Mart on Saturday in Bristow, southwest of Tulsa, dressed in clothes similar to those […]...
38. Using an ATM I went to bank this morning. Instead of standing in line to talk to a Bank teller, I decided to use an ATM, but it wasn’t working. Robin: Excuse me. Could you help me? I’m trying to use this ATM machine, but it stopped working after I put in my PIN and it won’t give […]...
39. What kind of a woman “Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?” asked John “Yes, I will.” Paula replied. “Would you do it for one thousand?” he asked. “Well maybe, or maybe I’d do something else for you.” she answered with a wink. “How about a blowjob for $20?” responded John. “Hey! What kind of women do you […]...
40. Перевод слова charge Charge – заряжать, наполнять; возлагать ответственность; плата за услуги Перевод слова The emotional charge – эмоциональный заряд charge of surety – допускаемая нагрузка free of charge – бесплатно I Charge you not to go. Я требую, чтобы вы остались. The Charge for students is $8. Плата для студентов – $8. He is in Charge of […]...