Slight confusion

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1. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
2. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.” “What is your current name?” asked the clerk. “Martin Arsehole,” replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said “I […]...
3. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
4. Don’t arrest the judge A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?” “That it is, “Irish […]...
5. Touring Washington A blonde was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. She wanted to see the Capitol building. Unfortunately, she couldn’t find it, so she asked a police officer for directions, “Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?” The officer replied, “Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus. […]...
6. Mega moron awards MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn’t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera). Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put […]...
7. Time for the wedding A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re […]...
8. Chief is at a wedding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said […]...
9. Too much speeding A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say” “And I said […]...
10. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that you have vacancies.” […]...
11. A girl called the police department and reported that A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, “When did this happen?” She replied, “Last week.” The police then asked, “Why did you wait until now to report it?” Well,” she said. “I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.”...
12. Man posing as security guard steals $75,000 from Oklahoma Wal-Mart A man dressed as a security guard walked out of an Oklahoma Wal-Mart with $75,000 in cash, a crime that went undetected until the real security guards showed up later to transport the money, police said. The suspect walked into the Wal-Mart on Saturday in Bristow, southwest of Tulsa, dressed in clothes similar to those […]...
13. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
14. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
15. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
16. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket please?” The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”. “Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man. […]...
17. Please show the I. D The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the […]...
18. Ultra dumb people 02 A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him. In Ohio, an unidentified man in his […]...
19. A woman strode angrily into the large A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?” The woman’s eyes got very large, and she whispered, “Do you mean to tell me that Pussy Treats are meant for ‘cats’?”...
20. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. […]...
21. An old lady lived by herself in a small house An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermellons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he […]...
22. Buying a Men’s Suit Sales clerk: Good afternoon. What can I help you find? Bo: I’m looking for a Suit for work. Sales clerk: I’m sure we have something for you. Are you looking for a traditional or Contemporary suit? Bo: I’m not sure. I’d like To try on some different ones. Sales clerk: That’s no problem. Let me […]...
23. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
24. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
25. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started […]...
26. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started […]...
27. There was a drunk man walking down the street turning There was a drunk man walking down the street turning his car keys back and forth. A policeman came up to him and asked, “Sir, what are you doing?” The drunk replied, “I am looking for my car, the last time I saw it, it was on the end of these keys.” The police officer […]...
28. He’s drunk at the bar One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his […]...
29. They are stopped by the police John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realize it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.” Just […]...
30. Some horse-play The newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal. “No,” he said, “I don’t believe I’ll need it. I’ll just grab onto her ears and hold on […]...
31. Two AA batteries Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, “Come this way,” and heads towards the back of the store. “If I could come that way,” she tells the retreating clerk, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”...
32. Going crazy with confusion A psychiatrist visited a California mental institution and asked a patient, “How did you get here? What was the nature of your illness?” He got the following reply. “Well, it all started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I married a widow with a grown daughter who then […]...
33. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
34. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some “real” musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says “I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.” The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies “OK, […]...
35. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]...
36. A woman reported the disappearance of her husband A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him. “Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”...
37. Being Arrested by the Police I was walking down the street Minding my own business one evening when I was stopped by a Police officer. After asking me a couple of questions about where I’d been, he told me to put my hands behind my back. He was going To arrest me! He Handcuffed me and gave me the Miranda […]...
38. Blonde on blonde A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. “What does it look like?” she finally […]...
39. A bar name A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer “why doesn’t your store have a name”, the store manager says “I haven’t thought of one yet but I think u can help me, what’s your girlfriend’s name.” The guy says “Jenny” then the store owner says “What’s do you like most about Jenny” […]...
40. Checking into a Hotel I Flew into Atlanta the afternoon before a Big meeting. I Hailed a taxi at the airport and told the driver the name of the hotel. I asked him How long it would take to get there. He said it would only be 20 minutes. I sat back and relaxed. We got to the hotel […]...