Don’t arrest the judge

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1. A judge asked a defendant to please standA judge asked a defendant to please stand. «You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw.» From out in the audience a man shouted, «Lying bastard!» «Silence in the court!», the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and said, «You are also charged with killing a ... Читать далее...
2. As a sergeant in a parachute regimentAs a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in serveral night time excersises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School. He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. «Scared, Lieutenant?», I asked. He replied, «No, just a bit apperhensive.» I asked, «What’s ... Читать далее...
3. Talk to the judgeA judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer’s tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed the trial along. The attorney had bristled at the judge’s orders, and their tempers grew hot. Finally, frustrated with another repetition of arguments he had heard many times before, the judge pointed to his ear and said, «Counselor, you ... Читать далее...
4. A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulderA taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, «Look mate, don’t ever ... Читать далее...
5. Swerve to avoid a boxDriving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain ... Читать далее...
6. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
7. Baby bear wants to live somewhere elseThe three bears had been having some trouble recently and had ended up in family court. Mama and Papa bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to baby bear to see what he thought about living with either of ... Читать далее...
8. Пословица / поговорка don’t judge a book by its cover / never judge a book by its cover — перевод и значение, пример использованияПословица / поговорка: don’t judge a book by its cover / never judge a book by its cover Перевод: не суди о книге по обложке Эквивалент в русском языке: встречают по одежке, провожают по уму Пример: That professor may seem slow and awkward, but don’t judge a book by its cover. He is one of ... Читать далее...
9. Перевод слова judgeJudge — судья; судить, оценивать, порицать Перевод слова Presiding judge — председательствующий судья to judge whether Smith is right or wrong — судить, прав Смит или неправ I judged him to be about 50 — мне показалось, что ему около пятидесяти judge not, that ye be not judged — не судите, да не судимы будете ... Читать далее...
10. Judge: Is there any reason you could not serveJudge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don’t want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can’t they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don’t want them to know it....
11. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy barOne night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the — influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat ... Читать далее...
12. During training exercises, the lieutenant driving downDuring training exercises, the lieutenant driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the wheel. «Your jeep stuck, sir?» asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. «Nope,» replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, «*Yours* is.»...
13. A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...
14. Значение идиомы beat down[beat down] {v.} 1. To crush or break the spirit of; win over; conquer. All their defenses were beaten down by the tanks. 2. {informal} a. To try to get reduced; force down by discussing. Can we beat down the price? B. To persuade or force to accept alower price or easier payments. He tried ... Читать далее...
15. Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks ... Читать далее...
16. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
17. He’s drunk at the barOne night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his ... Читать далее...
18. A young, freshly minted lieutenantA young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions. Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, «If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?» «Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump ... Читать далее...
19. A girl called the police department and reported thatA girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, «When did this happen?» She replied, «Last week.» The police then asked, «Why did you wait until now to report it?» Well,» she said. «I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.»...
20. Clean St. Patrick’s Day HumorIn hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. «Four glasses of ale,» was the reply. «Next?» «Two glasses of whiskey.» «Next?» «One glass of brandy.» «Next?» «A fight.» In West Kerry, the wife commented, «When ... Читать далее...
21. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his nameAn Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked «Can i help you sir?» Our man said «Yes, I would like to change my name.» «What is your current name?» asked the clerk. «Martin Arsehole,» replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said «I ... Читать далее...
22. Working on the roadA fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then ... Читать далее...
23. During the Vietnam warDuring the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. «Didn’t you hear me say that we’re outnumbered 4 to 1 ?» The Marine replied, «I got my four Sir.»...
24. Best advice possibleTaylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, «You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can.» After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where ... Читать далее...
25. Диалог на английском языке с переводом «Can’t judge a books by its cover»Pansy Пэнзи Have you heard the news? Ты слышала, что случилось? Letitia Летиша What? Что? Pansy Пэнзи The new guy has been given the sack. Новенького уволили. Letitia Летиша Why? Почему? Pansy Пэнзи Remember some of our documents have been going missing? Well, last night he was caught red-handed stealing them by our security guard. ... Читать далее...
26. Значение идиомы under arrest[under arrest] {adj. phr.} Held by the police. The man believedto have robbed the bank was placed under arrest. The three boyswere seen breaking into the school building and soon found themselvesunder arrest....
27. Little MermaidThree fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?» She replied, «no sir!» So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, «Did you like that?» «Oh, indeed I did, ... Читать далее...
28. A Hit-and-Run AccidentFlora: What happened to my car?! Saul: I saw it happen. A car came around the corner and hit the back of your car. Flora: Didn’t the driver stop? Saul: No, it was Hit-and-run. The driver just Took off. He was driving like A bat out of hell. It looks like he caused some Damage. ... Читать далее...
29. A fellow was following a truck in heavy trafficA fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to ... Читать далее...
30. Making Ethnically or Racially Offensive RemarksMike: Did you hear what Dan said? He called me a Mick. What Decade is he living in? Patti: He’s just Ignorant. I’m sure he wasn’t trying to be Offensive. Mike: Well, I take offense. And To add insult to injury, did you hear what else he said? Patti: What? Mike: He said that he ... Читать далее...
31. Time for the weddingA police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said to keep quiet! You’re ... Читать далее...
32. Death row sing alongThere was an inmate on death row, and he was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the next morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn’t want anything special. When they ... Читать далее...
33. Bring some more ammoThe company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson’s Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: «Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself.» «By shooting?» reasked the company commander, «Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible.» — — — — — — — ... Читать далее...
34. Too much speedingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But, officer,» the man began, «I can explain» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say» «And I said ... Читать далее...
35. Chief is at a weddingA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. «But officer,» the man began, «I can explain.» «Just be quiet,» snapped the officer. «I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.» «But, officer, I just wanted to say,» «And I said ... Читать далее...
36. Police Arrest Brothers Who Sold a Fake Goya… and Were Paid with Fake CashMeet the «Dumb and Dumber» of art crime. Spanish Police have arrested two brothers from Girona, Spain, who attempted to sell a fake Francisco de Goya painting to a purported sheikh, EFE reports. But the «sheikh» was no victim: he paid the pair with photocopied money. The con artists realized they had been tricked when ... Читать далее...
37. Humor about Ireland 2Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. «Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.» «Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?» asked the other. «Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin — but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы firing squad[firing squad] {n.} A group of soldiers chosen to shoot a prisonerto death or to fire shots over a grave as a tribute. A dictatoroften sends his enemies before a firing squad. The dead generalwas honored by a firing squad....
39. Learning to Read MusicMike: You have a great voice. You should join our Choir. Grace: I don’t know anything about music. I can’t even Read music. Mike: It’s not that hard. I could teach you. Look, this is a Piece we’re working on right now. Grace: What’s that weird thing at the beginning? Mike: That’s the Clef. It ... Читать далее...
40. Staring down from the bench to announce the termsStaring down from the bench to announce the terms of the divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said: «I’m going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month.» To which the woman’s about-to-be ex replied: «That’s mighty kind of you, judge. I’ll try to help her all I can, ... Читать далее...