President Carter’s joke
In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to...
Category: Jokes
How all careers end
How careers end… Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented. Drunks are distilled. Alpine climbers are dismounted. Piano tuners are unstrung. Orchestra leaders...
You can come out now
Jon was looking for a little “action”. He picked up a sweet young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she...
A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor
A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.” The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?”...
Speaking of spelling, here is a news bulletin
Speaking of spelling, here’s a news bulletin…….. The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was...
And I will do anything for love
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of...
Earth science answers
REAL ANSWERS FROM EARTH SCIENCE EXAMS The terrestrial planets are much larger than the gas giants. Wegener found matching bedbugs on opposite sides of the Atlantic. The main problem associated...
The other day my house caught fire
The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, “Shouldn’t be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?” I said, “Fire and theft.” Insurance agent frowned....
Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love
Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to...
A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot
A black guy walks into a tavern with a parrot on his shoulder…the bartender looks up and says ” where the hell did you get that thing? The Parrot replies...
Days after Christmas
The first day after Christmas My true love and I had a fight And so I chopped the pear tree down And burnt it, just for spite Then with a...
A fun game
While your sitting on the toilet you see written on the stall door: Congratulations! You’ve won one free game of Toilet Tennis! Look Left. You look left and it reads:...
GOD will save me
The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said “GOD will save me”. The river...
Suffering
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The counselor...
Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel room
Forty years later, they’re in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs… Her husband looks...
Change your course now
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the...
Lost in a balloon
Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort,...
The three wishes
An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when–all of a sudden–a fairy godmother appears in front of...
The Christmas diet song
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes...
Europe English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the...