African roulette
A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They’d spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them...
Category: Jokes
Marriage quotes 13
The difference between marriage and death? Dead people are free. The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. – Groucho...
Bassoon
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the bassoon recital. Q: Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? A: The bassoon burns longer....
Phone songs
All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes. Mary Had A Little Lamb 3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or...
A necessary condition
There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, “Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy? Grandpa (being in a kind...
A pregnant woman is about to give birth
A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push...
Matering checking
Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. “The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store,” she said....
What is the difference between a English actuary and
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary...
The Hillary’s room
President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary’s room. She complains that it’s the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President–I’ll remove the mirrors...
A man calls his mother in Florida
A man calls his mother in Florida. “Mom, how are you?” “Not too good,”says the mother. “I’ve been very weak.” The son says, “Why are you so weak?” She says,...
Studying the twinkies
In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments: Exposure A Twinkie was...
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by
An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman’s head. “Yech!” says the woman. “Get some toilet paper.”...
Welfare office
A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The...
The local priest came across Paddy who had
The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. “Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.” “Really,...
A story with a moral
While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, “Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?” “Why Yes, John, that would be...
This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop
This old lady walks out of the grocery store and goes to the bus stop. An old guy is sitting in the parking lot in his car. He drives over...
How to call penis
At a government affair, the wives of four world leaders are chatting about how people refer to a penis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England...
Winnie The????
“Winnie The????” It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they...
Two Tourists
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for...
Christmas downsizing
Today’s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the “Twelve Days...