You might be a redneck if 05

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1. You might be a redneck if 06You might be a redneck if… Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener. Your wife’s hairdo attracts bees. Your baby’s first words are «Attention K-Mart shoppers.» The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes. Your primary source of income is the pawn shop. You pick your teeth from ... Читать далее...
2. You might be a redneck if 04You might be a redneck if… The taillight covers of your car are made of tape. Your car has never had a full tank of gas. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash. Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal. You think a subdivision is part ... Читать далее...
3. Redneck wins lotteryA Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says «I want my $20 million.» To which the man replied, «No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today, and then you’ll get the rest ... Читать далее...
4. You might be a redneck if 10You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever shot a deer from inside your house. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are «Howdy!», «HEY!» or «How Y’all Doin’?» (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!) You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. You’ve ... Читать далее...
5. You might be a redneck if 09You might be a redneck if… Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest. You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding. Bikers back down from your momma. You were shooting pool when your kids were born. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. You think that Dom Perignon ... Читать далее...
6. You might be a redneck if 02You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it ... Читать далее...
7. You might be a redneck if 03You might be a redneck if… There are more than five McDonald’s bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is a wasp nest in your living room. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his ... Читать далее...
8. You might be a redneck if 08You might be a redneck if… You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since «Smokey and the Bandit» was snubbed for best picture. None of your shirts cover your stomach. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup. The rear tires on your car are at least ... Читать далее...
9. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding nightThis redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, «Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!» …So he got his bowling bowl ... Читать далее...
10. You might be a redneck if 01You might be a redneck if… More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O. J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not ... Читать далее...
11. You might be a redneck if 07You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill. You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade. You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights. ... Читать далее...
12. Значение идиомы long haul[long haul] or [long pull] {n.}, {informal} 1. A long distance ortrip. It is a long haul to drive across the country. ContrastSHORT HAUL. 2. A long length of time during which work continues orsomething is done; a long time of trying. A boy crippled by poliomay learn to walk again, but it may be ... Читать далее...
13. Next US PresidentA redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: «I’d like to become the next President of the United States.» The receptionist: «What are you, an idiot?» Redneck: «Why, is it required?»...
14. Значение идиомы short haul[short haul] {n.} A short distance; a short trip. TheScoutmaster said that it was just a short haul to the lake. Theman from the moving company said they did not make short hauls, so wehired a truck to move our furniture three blocks to our new house. Contrast: LONG HAUL....
15. Перевод слова expertExpert — знаток, эксперт, специалист Перевод слова Chemical expert — специалист-химик an expert with the sword — искусный фехтовальщик senior expert — ведущий эксперт She is somewhat of an Expert. Она в некотором роде эксперт. She is an Expert on skin care. Она является экспертом по уходу за кожей. He needs advice from an Expert. ... Читать далее...
16. Little Johnny sat playing in the gardenLittle Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. «No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!» Trying to convince him further, «Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.» «No, she ... Читать далее...
17. Sexually activeA REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. THE DR. ASKS,»IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?» THE REDNECK SAYS,»NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER. Sent by BOBBY...
18. Перевод слова unitUnit — единица, часть, элемент, блок Перевод слова The metre is a unit of length — метр — единица длины power unit — силовой агрегат power supply unit — блок питания The Unit of activity is the curie. Единица измерения радиоактивности — кюри. She lived in one Unit of a triplex. Она жила в одном ... Читать далее...
19. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
20. Fortunate ingenuityA little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, «Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.» The grandfather replies, «I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы early bird catches the worm[early bird catches the worm] or [early bird gets the worm] Aperson who gets up early in the morning has the best chance ofsucceeding; if you arrive early or are quicker, you get ahead ofothers. — A proverb. When Billy’s father woke him up for school hesaid, «The early bird catches the worm.» Charles began ... Читать далее...
22. I trying to prove a pointA man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says «I want you ... Читать далее...
23. A snowballOne time in my undergrad days, it was snowing like mad out. someone decided it was time a make a snowball. then someone else suggested that we should put this snowball in this one guy’s room— nobody liked this guy— so when the word got around, half the people in our dorm section came out ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы worm in[worm in] {v. phr.} To insinuate oneself; penetrate gradually. By cultivating the friendship of a few of the prominent merchants, Peter hoped to worm his way into that exclusive elite of exportmagnates....
25. Значение идиомы haul in[haul in] or [haul up] or [pull in] {v.}, {slang} To bring beforesomeone in charge for punishment or questioning; arrest. John washauled in to court for speeding. The tramp was hauled up forsleeping on the sidewalk. Compare: CALL ON THE CARPET....
26. Значение идиомы worm may turn[worm may turn] Even the meek will ultimately rebel if alwaysmaltreated. Sam may think that he can continue to mistreat hiswife, but, knowing her, I think that some day the worm may turn....
27. Hungry SnakeHaving arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no ... Читать далее...
28. Clean Jokes about the IrishMurphy said to his daughter, «I want you home by eleven o’clock.» She said, «But Father, I’m no longer a child!» He said, «I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.» MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on ... Читать далее...
29. Renting an ApartmentHeather: Hi, are you the Apartment manager? I saw the Vacancy sign outside and I’m looking for an apartment. Sam: Yes, I’m Sam. We have one Unit available right now. When are you looking To move in? Heather: The Lease on my apartment Is up soon, so I’d like to move in The first of ... Читать далее...
30. This rich couple were going out for the eveningThis rich couple were going out for the evening when the woman of the house decided to give the butler the rest of the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his night. Well, as it turned out the wife wasn’t having a good time at the ... Читать далее...
31. My Flat (2)We have a nice flat in a new block of flats. Our flat is on the fifth floor of a nine-storied building. It has all modem conveniences: central heating, running hot and cold water, electricity, gas, a lift and a chute to carry rubbish down. We have a three-room flat which consists of a living-room, ... Читать далее...
32. A little old lady buys a pair of parrotsA little old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She calls the shop, and the man there advises her to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time. She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn’t ... Читать далее...
33. ZHow offensive is that?How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle’s. «Paul… Paul,» He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes ... Читать далее...
34. I was walking down an alley last nightI was walking down an alley last night, when I heard, «Help! Help!» coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady’s handbag, but she putting up a Hell of a fight and wouldn’t let go. I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn’t ... Читать далее...
35. Перевод слова fightFight — борьба, бой; драться Перевод слова Hand-to-hand fight — рукопашный бой free fight — всеобщая драка, свалка to fight like a lion — сражаться как лев She Fought her fear. Она боролась со своим страхом. He was still full of Fight. Он был все еще полон боевого задора. That cock won’t Fight. Этот номер ... Читать далее...
36. Parts of a HospitalJordan: Excuse me, my girlfriend was brought into the hospital about two hours ago, but I can’t find her. Admissions Clerk: Why was she brought into the hospital? Jordan: I’m not sure. I got a call from her coworker, but she didn’t give me any details. Admissions Clerk: If it weren’t an accident, then she ... Читать далее...
37. Mass brawl in Tunbridge Wells over the last bag of nutsNothing much usually happens in workings men’s clubs. The odd raised voice over a game of dominoes, perhaps. Maybe a shout of glee at a bull check-out at darts. That is until the last packet of dry roasted peanuts is up for grabs. Then, things can get a bit, erm, tasty. A heated row between ... Читать далее...
38. Athletes Behaving BadlyConnie: I just got a call from Ron’s Agent. He’s In hot water again. Walt: Not again! What did he Get up to now? Connie: He got into another fight outside of a bar, and he’s in Police custody right now Cooling his heels. I don’t know what he was thinking. Walt: It’s the Off-season, ... Читать далее...
39. I just ate those peanutsA man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table. Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes ... Читать далее...
40. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open tableA man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, «Do all the waiters ... Читать далее...