You might be a redneck if 01

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1. You might be a redneck if 02 You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an... ...
2. You might be a redneck if 10 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever shot a deer from inside your house. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!”... ...
3. You might be a redneck if 08 You might be a redneck if… You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture. None of your shirts cover your... ...
4. Redneck wins lottery A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says “I want my $20... ...
5. You might be a redneck if 03 You might be a redneck if… There are more than five McDonald’s bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is... ...
6. You might be a redneck if 07 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill. You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. The best way to... ...
7. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says,... ...
8. Перевод слова telephone Telephone – телефон Перевод слова Telephone bill – счет за пользование телефоном outdoor telephone booth – уличная телефонная будка telephone cable – телефонный кабель She spoke to him by Telephone.... ...
9. You might be a redneck if 05 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin’ dog. You’re an expert on worm beds. The dog catcher calls for a... ...
10. You might be a redneck if 09 You might be a redneck if… Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest. You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding. Bikers back down from your... ...
11. You might be a redneck if 06 You might be a redneck if… Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener. Your wife’s hairdo attracts bees. Your baby’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers.” The... ...
12. You might be a redneck if 04 You might be a redneck if… The taillight covers of your car are made of tape. Your car has never had a full tank of gas. Any of your kids... ...
13. Letters to a landlord Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. I want some repairs done to my stove as... ...
14. Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into... ...
15. Перевод слова raid Raid – налет, набег, рейд Перевод слова Commando raid – разведывательно-диверсионный рейд air-raid drill – воздушные учения air raid warning – воздушная тревога air raid – воздушный налет to make... ...
16. Using the Restroom Denzel: Excuse me, where is the Restroom? Server: It’s down the hall, on your left. Denzel: Thanks. When I got into the bathroom, it was a Mess. I walked into... ...
17. Перевод слова front Front – перед, передняя часть Перевод слова Look to your front – смотри вперед the table of contents is in the front of the book – оглавление находится в начале... ...
18. Miracle Bra Alternative Miracle Bra Alternative A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands... ...
19. Перевод слова cable Cable – канат, трос, кабель Перевод слова To bury a cable – прокладывать кабель в земле cable way – канатная дорога, фуникулер submarine cable – подводный кабель I Cabled Mary... ...
20. This is what should happen to ALL CATS! This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and... ...
21. Next US President A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: “I’d like to become the next President of the United States.” The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?” Redneck:... ...
22. Sexually active A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. THE DR. ASKS,”IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?” THE REDNECK SAYS,”NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER. Sent... ...
23. Перевод слова seat Seat – сиденье, место, стул Перевод слова A car with four seats – четырехместная машина please, take a seat – садитесь, пожалуйста garden seat – садовая скамейка This Seat is... ...
24. During WW II an American soldier During WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply... ...
25. Перевод слова frame Frame – рамка, каркас, сооружение; телосложение Перевод слова The frame of a building – каркас здания boring frame – буровая вышка a man of iron frame – человек железной конституции... ...
26. Перевод слова toilet Toilet – туалет, уборная; костюм, одевание Перевод слова Morning toilet – утренний туалет summer toilets of the ladies – летние туалеты дам toilet stall – кабина в уборной Mummy, I... ...
27. My Flat В топике Моя квартира я рассказываю о квартире моих родителей в городе Южно-Сахалинске. В нашей квартире есть все современные удобства. Самая большая комната – это гостиная, с телевизором и видеомагнитофоном.... ...
28. A customer walks into a restaurant and notices A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.” When his waitress arrives, he orders... ...
29. Launch the missiles It’s Friday night and President Bill is working late in the White House. Suddenly the big, red telephone on his desk rings. [President Bill] Hello! Hello! [Voice on the line]... ...
30. A strange jigsaw puzzle Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy. “Paddy,” says Murphy, “I’ve got a problem.” “What’s the matter?” replies Paddy “Oi’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the... ...
31. Whatever Happened To… the woman who hammered Comcast? Mona “The Hammer” Shaw doesn’t have any regrets about laying waste to her local Comcast office with said construction tool, bucko, don’t you worry. Once she got out of the... ...
32. A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy... ...
33. Poor Rabbi! A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning’s... ...
34. The power of the press Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges... ...
35. Перевод слова kitchen Kitchen – кухня Перевод слова Kitchen clobber – кухонные приспособления field kitchen – полевая кухня kitchen unit – кухонный комбайн the French kitchen – французская кухня Get out of the... ...
36. The Cat’s Chalkboard Assignments In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks 1. [xxx]... ...
37. New family driver Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a... ...
38. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and... ...
39. This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, “Do you want to... ...
40. Значение идиомы go to the dogs [go to the dogs] {v. phr.}, {informal} To go to ruin; to be ruinedor destroyed. The man went to the dogs after he started drinking. After the death of the... ...