Redneck wins lottery

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1. You might be a redneck if 10 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever shot a deer from inside your house. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are “Howdy!”, “HEY!” or “How Y’all Doin’?” (If they respond with the same… they’re a redneck too!) You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. You’ve […]...
2. Winning the Lottery Daniela: I got our Lottery tickets during my lunch break. The Jackpot is up to $168 million. Imagine if we won. Boris: Thanks for getting mine, too. When is the drawing? Daniela: Saturday at 6 PM. It’s being Televised on channel 4. Boris: What would you do if you had $168 million? Daniela: The first […]...
3. You might be a redneck if 03 You might be a redneck if… There are more than five McDonald’s bags currently on the floorboard of your car. Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette. There is a wasp nest in your living room. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice. You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his […]...
4. Пословица / поговорка slow and steady wins the race – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: slow and steady wins the race Перевод: тише едешь, дальше будешь Пример: Slow and steady wins the race and the man was successful because of his hard work and patient determination. Тише едешь, дальше будешь, и у этого человека был успех потому, что он много работал и был очень решительно настроен....
5. You might be a redneck if 01 You might be a redneck if… More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. You think the stock market has a fence around it. You think the O. J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You’ve ever lost a loved one to kudzu. Your boat has not […]...
6. This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night This redneck gets married, but on his wedding night he doesn’t know what to do. He’s fumbling around for a while, but finally his wife gets fed up and says, “Jeb, ya big idiot! Yer s’pposed to take that thing you play with and put it where I pee!” …So he got his bowling bowl […]...
7. You might be a redneck if 02 You might be a redneck if… Your Christmas tree is still up in February. You’ve ever been arrested for loitering. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’ouvre. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it […]...
8. You might be a redneck if 07 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever barbecued Spam on the grill. You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap. The best way to keep things cold is to leave’em in the shade. You’ve ever raked leaves in your kitchen. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights. […]...
9. You might be a redneck if 05 You might be a redneck if… You’ve ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin’ dog. You’re an expert on worm beds. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house. Your wife has ever said, “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!” Your family tree […]...
10. You might be a redneck if 09 You might be a redneck if… Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest. You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding. Bikers back down from your momma. You were shooting pool when your kids were born. Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet. You think that Dom Perignon […]...
11. You might be a redneck if 04 You might be a redneck if… The taillight covers of your car are made of tape. Your car has never had a full tank of gas. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash. Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal. You think a subdivision is part […]...
12. You might be a redneck if 06 You might be a redneck if… Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener. Your wife’s hairdo attracts bees. Your baby’s first words are “Attention K-Mart shoppers.” The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes. Your primary source of income is the pawn shop. You pick your teeth from […]...
13. How MIT Students Won $8 Million in the Massachusetts Lottery MIT students figured out how to make winning the Massachusetts lottery a sure thing, and a recent investigation suggests that the lottery commission knew about it. Maybe Uncle Ben was right: With great power comes great responsibility. While most students at the famed Massachusetts Institute of Technology use their powers for good – for example, […]...
14. You might be a redneck if 08 You might be a redneck if… You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since “Smokey and the Bandit” was snubbed for best picture. None of your shirts cover your stomach. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup. The rear tires on your car are at least […]...
15. Перевод слова furious Furious – взбешенный, яростный, неистовый Перевод слова Furious animal – разъяренный зверь to be furious – быть в ярости furious wind – неистовый ветер She was absolutely Furious. Она была просто в ярости. Their Furious desire of revenge must be satiated. Их яростное желание мести должно быть удовлетворено. The statement brought him into a state […]...
16. Appeals Court Orders Woman Who Hid $1.3 Million Lottery Jackpot From Estranged Husband to Give It to Him A woman who kept $1.3 million in lottery winnings secret from her estranged husband to avoid having to give him half in their divorce settlement will now have to turn over the whole pot to him, this district’s Court of Appeal ruled Friday. Denise Rossi must give up her entire lottery share under a Family […]...
17. A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, “You promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!” Trying his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, […]...
18. Next US President A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: “I’d like to become the next President of the United States.” The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?” Redneck: “Why, is it required?”...
19. Sexually active A REDNECK BRINGS HIS DAUGHTER TO THE GYNOCOLOGIST FOR BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. THE DR. ASKS,”IS YOUR DAUGHTER SEXUALLY ACTIVE?” THE REDNECK SAYS,”NAW, SHE JUST LAYS THERE LIKE HER MOTHER. Sent by BOBBY...
20. A note exchange A driver tucked a note under her windshield wiper and dashed off: “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses.” Returning, she came back only to find a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block […]...
21. Перевод слова ticket Ticket – билет, квитанция Перевод слова Ticket stub – корешок билета airplane ticket – билет на самолет bus ticket – автобусный билет Can I see your Ticket, please? Разрешите ваш билет, пожалуйста. I got a Ticket for speeding. Мне выписали штраф за превышение скорости. The plane Ticket costs $170. Этот авиабилет стоит 170 долларов....
22. Who is doing the work around here? The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work. People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work. Because of the 31 million government employees, there are […]...
23. A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he’ll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: “Go stand on the corner for […]...
24. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he […]...
25. Значение идиомы fast and furious [fast and furious] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Very fast; with much speedand energy. He was mowing the grass at a fast and furious rate. When I last saw her she was driving fast and furious down thestreet. Compare: GREAT GUNS....
26. Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: “How could you have let this happen? With all that’s going on […]...
27. Get me off this train One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man: “Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I’m very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So […]...
28. A young couple gets married, and the groom A young couple gets married, and the groom asks his bride if he can have a dresser drawer of his own that she will never open. The bride agrees. After 30 years of marriage, she notices that his drawer has been left ajar. She peeks in and sees 3 golf balls and $6,000. She confronts […]...
29. Buying your ticket Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all […]...
30. Got a second? God, I was wondering…how long is a million years to you?” God answered, “Son, a million years to me is like a second to you.” So the man asks, “God how much is a million dollars to you?” And God answered, “Son a million dollars to me is like one penny to you.” So the […]...
31. A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to a dinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. “First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, then I want to thank my children, and the lottery commission.” “Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler”. Suddenly everyone […]...
32. Перевод идиомы see the color of someone’s money, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: see the color of someone’s money Перевод: убедиться в наличии денег у кого-либо Пример: I did not give my friend a ticket for the game until I saw the color of his money. Я дал своему другу билет на игру только когда убедился, что у него есть деньги....
33. Значение идиомы split ticket [split ticket] {n.} A vote for candidates from more than one party. Mr. Jones voted a split ticket. An independent voter likes asplit ticket. Contrast: STRAIGHT TICKET....
34. Let him dig An old man and woman were married for years even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the man the most. “When I die I will dig my way up and out […]...
35. Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
36. Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair […]...
37. At a dentist’s Dentist: “Would you help me out? I’d like you to give a few of your loudest screams.” Patient: “Why, Doc? It isn’t all that bad this time.” Dentist: “Well, there are about 20 people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want to miss the five o’clock Braves game on Channel 4.”...
38. A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, […]...
39. Honesty is the best policy A very very rich gentleman dies, leaving his fortune to his only living friends, a Doctor, a CEO, and a Lawyer. But being the eccentric he was, his will stipulated that each one must place their third of the money in his coffin before he is put in his final resting place. The funeral comes […]...
40. Значение идиомы song and dance [song and dance] {n.}, {informal} 1. Foolish or uninteresting talk;dull nonsense. Usually used with “give”. I met Nancy today and shegave me a long song and dance about her family. 2. A long lie orexcuse, often meant to get pity. Usually used with “give”. Billygave the teacher a song and dance about his mother being […]...