Little Johnny sat playing in the garden

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1. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
2. Little Johnny’s mother decided to give Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” […]...
3. Little Johnny – being logical Little Johnny A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, “little boy is your mother home?” Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “what do you think?”...
4. Little Johnny catches his parents going at it Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?” His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.” Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”...
5. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?” “The stork brought you to us.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork […]...
6. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
7. Little Johnny is coming home from the store Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, […]...
8. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
9. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?” Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.” “But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you […]...
10. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by […]...
11. Little Johnny was late for school Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?” Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.” The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.” Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!”...
12. Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she Little Lucy was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating. “Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” “They’re mating, Lucy” he replied. “What do you call the spider on top Daddy?” Lucy asked. “Oh, that’s a Daddy Longlegs. Lucy asked, “Oh, so one’s a Daddy Longlegs and the other one is a […]...
13. The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and gets pissed off. She goes bitching to Little Johnny’s father. She comes to Little Johnny’s house and sees Little Johnny fucking a goat in the front yard. She walks in the house and screams to his father “Your son! Your son! He cussed in the school and now….now […]...
14. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
15. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
16. Little Johnny walks into his primary school Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?” Johnny “I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.” Teacher, “Was he burned very bad?” Johnny, “Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
17. Little Johnny had become a real nuisance Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the […]...
18. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. “Nah,” says Johnny, “what else do […]...
19. Little Johnny was in class again Little Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone “Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?” Meg puts up her hand.”The sky is definitely blue.” “Thats not bad, Meg,” says the teacher, “but the sky can be grey or red.” Young Sally tried :”The grass is definitely green.” “Good try […]...
20. I trying to prove a point A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says “I want you […]...
21. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
22. Значение идиомы Johnny-on-the-spot [Johnny-on-the-spot] {adj. phr.} At the right place when needed;present and ready to help; very prompt; on time. A good waterboy isalways Johnny-on-the-spot. The firemen were Johnny-on-the-spot andput out the fire in the house soon after it started. Compare: ON THEJOB....
23. Better than playing doctor Little Johnny was sitting on the bench in the park. Suzie comes along chomping on her bubblegum. Suzie asked, “You wanna play doctor?” Johnny replied, “NO, that too old fashioned. Spit out you gum, I wanna play president.”...
24. One day shortly after the birth of their new baby One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby […]...
25. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
26. This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny wearing a red firefighter’s hat and sitting in a red wagon which is being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the dog’s […]...
27. Hungry Snake Having arived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no […]...
28. Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to […]...
29. One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said […]...
30. Перевод идиомы Johnny-come-lately, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: Johnny-come-lately Перевод: вновь прибывший, новичок Пример: He’s a Johnny-come-lately and doesn’t really know what he is talking about. Он еще новичок и он не понимает, о чем говорит....
31. Значение идиомы Johnny-come-lately [Johnny-come-lately] {n.} Someone new in a place or group;newcomer; also: a new person who takes an active part in group affairsbefore tlie group has accepted him; upstart. Everybody was amazedwhen a Johnny-come-lately beat the old favorite in the race. Whenit looked as though Mr. Brown had a good chance of winning, manyJohnny-come-latelies began to support […]...
32. Clean Jokes about the Irish Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o’clock.” She said, “But Father, I’m no longer a child!” He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.” MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on […]...
33. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
34. A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” The mother, who couldn’t think of an answer, […]...
35. Значение идиомы can of worms [can of worms] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} 1. A complex problem, or complicated situation. Let’s not get into big city politics – that’s a different can of worms. 2. A very restless, jittery person. Joe can’t sit still for a minute – he is a can of worms....
36. Get married Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don’t […]...
37. Перевод слова horrible Horrible – жуткий, страшный, ужасный Перевод слова Horrible disease – страшное заболевание horrible wrong – ужасная несправедливость horrible weather – отвратительная погода horrible devastation – страшные разрушения It is Horrible to work there. Здесь отвратительно работать. Why are you so Horrible to me? Почему вы так ужасно относитесь ко мне? Her face was Horribly scarred. […]...
38. A failed attempt Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, Mommy?” “To make myself beautiful,” said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. “What’s the matter?” asked Little Johnny. “Giving up?”...
39. After the fall in Garden of Eden After the fall in Garden of Eden, Adam was walking with his sons Cain and Abel. They passed by the ruins of the Garden of Eden. One of the boys asked, “What’s that?” Adam replied, “Boys, that’s where your mother ate us out of house and home.”...
40. Delivering a baby A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he […]...