The teacher hears Little Johnny cussing, and

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1. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
2. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
3. At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by […]...
4. Little Johnny walks into his primary school Little Johnny walks into his primary school classroom one morning to be confronted by his teacher. Teacher “Ahh, Good Morning Johnny, and where were you yesterday?” Johnny “I’m sorry Miss, but my Grandad got burnt yesterday.” Teacher, “Was he burned very bad?” Johnny, “Yes Mam, they don’t fuck around at these crematoriums you know....
5. Little Johnny was late for school Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?” Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.” The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.” Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!”...
6. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: “The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.” Timmy: ” I know what it is, it’s an apple.” Teacher: “That’s right, I like the way […]...
7. Little Johnny had become a real nuisance Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself…television, ice cream, homework, video games…but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the […]...
8. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
9. In the Sex Ed class the teacher says In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, “All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex.” The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, “Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?” Johnny […]...
10. Little Johnny was in class again Little Johnny was in class again. Teacher asked everyone “Can anyone tell me a sentence with the word definitely in it?” Meg puts up her hand.”The sky is definitely blue.” “Thats not bad, Meg,” says the teacher, “but the sky can be grey or red.” Young Sally tried :”The grass is definitely green.” “Good try […]...
11. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. “Nah,” says Johnny, “what else do […]...
12. One day in class the teacher One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says “That’s a penis, and my father has two of them”. The teacher looks surprised and […]...
13. Little Johnny’s mother decided to give Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” […]...
14. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
15. Strict school It was the first day of school, and the elementary school teacher was establishing the fact that she’d take no nonsense from the kiddies this year. While taking the roll, she was told by one boy “My name is Johnny Fuckhauer”. So she said “There’ll be none of that kind of thing this year, Johnny; […]...
16. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
17. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
18. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
19. Little Johnny is coming home from the store Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, […]...
20. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
21. Little Johnny catches his parents going at it Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?” His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.” Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”...
22. Like to screw? It’s the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He’s a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?,” he says. “That’s cool” says Bobby. Carrie’s […]...
23. Значение идиомы Johnny-on-the-spot [Johnny-on-the-spot] {adj. phr.} At the right place when needed;present and ready to help; very prompt; on time. A good waterboy isalways Johnny-on-the-spot. The firemen were Johnny-on-the-spot andput out the fire in the house soon after it started. Compare: ON THEJOB....
24. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?” Grandpa looks at him and says “No Johnny, I will not.” “But Grandpa, why?” asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies. “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you […]...
25. Are YOU A HARD MAN? 1/. When reaching your sexual climax do you? A) Make low moaning sounds in her ear. b) Suck on her neck to produce a love bite. c) Shove your thumb up her arse so she screams her tits off. 2/. You’re in bed one night and she whispers “I love you”. Do you? A) Whisper […]...
26. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
27. Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?” “The stork brought you to us.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork […]...
28. A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic A teacher was having trouble teaching arithmetic to Little Johnny. So she said, “If you reached in your right pocket and found a nickel, and you reached in your left pocket and found another one, what would you have?” “Somebody else’s pants.” said the Little Johnny....
29. Little Johnny – being logical Little Johnny A traveling salesman rings this doorbell. 10 year old little Johnny answers, holding a beer and smoking a fat cigar. The salesman says, “little boy is your mother home?” Little Johnny taps his ash on the carpet and says, “what do you think?”...
30. One day the teacher decides to play an animal game One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says “See it’s long neck? What animal has a long neck?” Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a […]...
31. Little Johnny sat playing in the garden Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. “No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!” Trying to convince him further, “Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.” “No, she […]...
32. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
33. Get married Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don’t […]...
34. Who signed the Declaration of Independence? A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. “Johnny, who signed the Declaration of Independence?” He said, “Damn if I know.” She was a little put out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring his father with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son, […]...
35. Holiday Decorating Now that the holidays are here, it’s time To decorate the house. Every year, we always Go all out. We buy a Christmas tree and the kids decorate it with Ornaments that we’ve bought and made over the years, and with silver and gold Tinsel. We also hang a Wreath on our front door and […]...
36. Everything we need A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, “oh miss, oh […]...
37. Значение идиомы get one’s goat [get one’s goat] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make a person disgustedor angry. The boy’s laziness all summer got his father’s goat. The slow service at the cafe got Mr. Robinson’s goat....
38. Bush fans v. Kerry fans There’s a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy – Johnny. The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to […]...
39. Mom, can little girls have babies? Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No”, said his mom, “of course not.” Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”...
40. A lesson in ebonics A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher asks, […]...