The three wishes

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1. Значение идиомы fairy godmother[fairy godmother] {n.} 1. A fairy believed to help and take care ofa baby as it grows up. 2. A person who helps and does much foranother. The rich man played fairy godmother to the boys and had abaseball field made for them. Jane was a fairy godmother to herpoorer friends....
2. Cinderella was all set to go to the huge ballCinderella was all set to go to the huge ball, but she was having a severe case of PMS. She was crabby and pissy and moody and generally not in the partying spirit. Well, her fairy-godmother again came to her rescue by providing Cinderella with a magic tampon. The fairy-godmother said, «Put this in and ... Читать далее...
3. Democrats on the front porchThis little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells, «Help, send the police to my house right away! There’s a damn Democrat on my front porch and he’s playing with himself.» «What?» the operator exclaimed. «I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he’s weird; ... Читать далее...
4. The young couple was engaged in a most affectionateThe young couple was engaged in a most affectionate embrace when there came the sound of a key in the front door. The young lady broke away at once, eyes wide with alarm. «Heavens,» she cried, «it’s my husband! Quick, jump out the window.» The young man, equally alarmed, made a quick step toward the ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова handsomeHandsome — красивый, статный Перевод слова Handsome dog — большая сильная собака to grow handsome — похорошеть handsome woman — импозантная женщина My teacher is Handsome, strictly! Мой учитель красавчик, это уж точно! He was tall, dark and Handsome. Он был высоким, темноволосым и красивым. Handsome is as Handsome does. Судят по делам, а не ... Читать далее...
6. The third wishA young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, ‘I will grant you three wishes.’ The man’s first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the ... Читать далее...
7. Sweet, Sweet Road RageAn elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, «I was going to park there!» The ... Читать далее...
8. Seventy year old George went for his annual physicalSeventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, «George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?» George replied, «God and me are tight. We ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы handsome is as handsome does[handsome is as handsome does] {informal} A person must act welland generously so that he will be truly worth respecting. — A proverb. Everyone thinks that Bon is a very handsome boy, but he is verymean too. Handsome is as handsome does. Compare: FINE FEATHERS DO NOTMAKE PINE BIRDS....
10. There was a man and woman traveling along in their carThere was a man and woman traveling along in their car. The man was driving when a police officer pulls them over. The officer walks up to the window and says «Did you know you were speeding back there.» The lady (who is almost deaf) said to her husband «What did he say, what did ... Читать далее...
11. The scene is a dark jungle in AfricaThe scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, «Hey! Cut it out, alright!» The rear tiger says, «sorry,» and they continue. ... Читать далее...
12. A man was walking down the street when he noticedA man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. «Grandpa, what are you doing?» he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. «Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here ... Читать далее...
13. Excerpts from the rural lifeA farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says «Ok, old fellow, time to retire.» The old rooster says «You can’t handle all these chickens….look at what it did to me!» The young rooster replies, «Now, ... Читать далее...
14. It was the age when knighthood was in flowerIt was the age when knighthood was in flower. A young lady was pounding away at a piece of iron with a sledgehammer. Another young lady saw her and asked, «What are you doing?» The first one answered, «I’m making socks and sweater for some soldier boy!»...
15. Passing a parrotA lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, «Hey lady, you are really ugly.» Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same ... Читать далее...
16. A young female teacher was giving an assignmentA young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, «What’s so funny Pat?» «Well teacher, I just ... Читать далее...
17. Back in the good ole days in TexasBack in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова ladyLady — леди, женщина Перевод слова Great lady — знатная дама you’ve dropped your gloves, lady! — женщина, вы обронили перчатки! foxy lady — соблазнительная женщина your good lady — ваша супруга Shall we rejoin the Ladies? Не вернуться ли нам к дамам? She’s swell, a real Lady. Она одевается стильно, как настоящая леди. Don’t ... Читать далее...
19. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger ladyAn older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the ... Читать далее...
20. A young Jewish man excitedly tells his motherA young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, «Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.» The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women ... Читать далее...
21. It is worth tryingA very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist’s couch, telling him how frustrated she was. «I tried to be an actress and failed,» she complained. «I tried to be a secretary and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a sales clerk and I failed at that, too.» ... Читать далее...
22. Remember a childA young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. «Pardon me,» she said, «I’m sorry if my ... Читать далее...
23. Three wishesIt was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road, when they saw a bush with a pig’s ass popping out. The first man says, «I wish that was Demi Moore’s Ass» The second man says, «I wish that was Pamela Anderson’s Ass.» Then the third man says, «I wish ... Читать далее...
24. Letting Go of the PastEmma: I think It’s time. Uday: I Beg to differ. Emma: You can’t Live in the past. I know that you like Reliving your Glory days, but the only way To move on is To let go of the past. Uday: I don’t want to move on. If you’ve had the life I’ve had, you’d ... Читать далее...
25. During WW II an American soldierDuring WW II an American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a supply base in the south of England, then caught a train to London. The train was extremely crowded and he could not ... Читать далее...
26. Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotelBerkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. «Bartender,» he says, «give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab.» When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he’s at her ... Читать далее...
27. Beautiful — in a sentenceThe teacher says, «Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is «beautiful». Little Sally, would you please come up here and use «beautiful» in a sentence?» Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for ... Читать далее...
28. A young lady walks into a doctors officeA young lady walks into a doctors office. «Doctor I’m suffering from a terrible discharge» The Doctor lays her down lifts up her dress and has a good probe around and says «how does that feel?» Young lady, «Oooh doctor that feels lovely….. …but the discharge is from my ear!!»...
29. Card gamesA cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, «Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about ... Читать далее...
30. A policeman was patrolling near midnightA policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He ... Читать далее...
31. Soft and HardA man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, «Ma’am, ... Читать далее...
32. A little boy and his dad are standing in lineA little boy and his dad are standing in line at the grocery store behind a big fat lady. The little boy says, «hey dad, look how fat that lady is!» «Shhhh, quiet son, she’ll hear you.» «But dad, look how big and fat that lady is!» «Shhhhhh, don’t say that son, it’s not nice!» ... Читать далее...
33. Rearranging Living Room FurnitureAmy: I think Rearranging the furniture will make the Living room look more Spacious. Don’t you? Jacob: Uh, sure. Amy: Can you help me move this Couch against this wall? Jacob: Okay, but are you sure you want it over there? Because it’s really heavy and a pain to move. Amy: I’m sure. Let’s move ... Читать далее...
34. Значение идиомы by turns[by turns] {adv. phr.} First one and then another in a regular way; one substituting for or following another according to a repeated plan. On the drive to Chicago, the three men took the wheel by turns. The teachers were on duty by turns. When John had a fever, he felt cold and hot by ... Читать далее...
35. A door-to-door vacuum salesman goesA door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, «Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders ... Читать далее...
36. The young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infantThe young lady entered the doctor’s office carrying an infant. «Doctor,» she explained, «the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining weight, he lost three ounces this week.» The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the girl’s breasts. He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on ... Читать далее...
37. A little old lady gets onto a crowded busA little old lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, «If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat.» The girl gets up and gives up her the seat to the old lady. ... Читать далее...
38. Значение идиомы take turns[take turns] {v. phr.} To do something one after another instead ofdoing it all at the same time. In class we should not talk all atthe same time; we should take turns. Jean and Beth took turns onthe swing. The two boys took turns at digging the hole. Thethree men took turns driving so one ... Читать далее...
39. A real bastardA little boy is standing at the side of a river, weeping. His tears are streaming down his cheeks. An elderly lady passes by and feels pity for him. «What is the matter, young boy? Why are you crying?» «It’s mean!», the boy sniffed, «My daddy drowned all four little kittens we had yesterday!» «That’s ... Читать далее...
40. The handsome American strode into a department store in ParisThe handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him. «Do you have something in mind?» she asked. «I certainly do, ma’am,» the American emphatically replied. «That’s why I want a ... Читать далее...