Chem one-liners 02

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1. Chem one-liners 01Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. — Mike Adams Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. Remember, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate! There is the joke about the homeopath who forgot to take his medicine ... Читать далее...
2. Chem one-liners 03Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium and just couldn’t put it down? What’s the formula for water? — H-two-O What’s the formula for an ice cube? — H-two-O-CUBED Q: What do you get when you combine Al Gore with O2? A: Oxymoron The best chemists would ... Читать далее...
3. Chem one-liners 04Q: What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties? A: Methylated Spirits! Q: How many atoms in a guacamole? A:Avocado’s number. Q: What do chemists use to make guacomole? A: Avogadros. Free radicals have revolutionized chemistry. These were printed on bumper stickers and given out at an American Chemical Society meeting 10 or 12 years ago: ... Читать далее...
4. Dogs and Light BulbsHow many dogs does it take to change a light bulb? Border Collie: Just one. Then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. Rottweiler: Make me! Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! Malamute: Let the ... Читать далее...
5. How many women with PMS does it take toQ: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова bulbBulb — луковица, электрическая лампочка Перевод слова Bulb of the hair — луковица волос bulb of eye — глазное яблоко frosted bulb — матовая лампочка The Bulb’s gone in the bathroom. В ванной перегорела лампочка. A light Bulb dangled from the ceiling. С потолка свисала электрическая лампочка. I’m not very practical — I can’t even ... Читать далее...
7. SaxophoneQ: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: It’s all in the grip. Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax? A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it. Q: What is the ... Читать далее...
8. BassQ: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist? A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one. Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one — but the guitarist has to show him first. Q: How many bass players does ... Читать далее...
9. MusicianQ: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, «I can do that!» Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding? A: Bach ... Читать далее...
10. TubaQ: What is the range of a tuba? A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm. Q: What’s a tuba for? A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2. Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who’s driving? A: The policeman Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital? Friend: I hope so. Q: ... Читать далее...
11. How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We’ve formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder....
12. Capitalist and Socialist HellA young, ruthless executive died and went to hell. When he got there, he saw one sign that said Capitalist Hell, and another that said Socialist Hell. In front of the Socialist Hell was an incredibly long line, while there was no-one in front of the Capitalist Hell. So the executive asked the guard, «What ... Читать далее...
13. Перевод слова concentrationConcentration — концентрация, сосредоточенность Перевод слова Absolute concentration — абсолютная концентрация critical concentration — критическая концентрация power of concentration — способность сосредоточиться The noise disturbed my Concentration. На шум мешал мне сосредоточиться. The job required her full Concentration. Задание требовало ее полной концентрации. The job demands intense Concentration. Работа требует большой концентрации внимания. Происхождение слова ... Читать далее...
14. GuitarQ: How do you make him stop playing? A: Put notes on it! Q: What did the guitar say to the guitarist? A: Pick on someone your own size! Q: What’s the definition of a minor second? A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison. Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison? A: ... Читать далее...
15. Перевод слова chemistChemist — химик, фармацевт Перевод слова Food chemist — химик-пищевик cereal chemist — специалист по биохимии зерна assistant chemist — лаборант chemist engineer — инженер-химик She had been in the afternoon to the Chemist’s to buy some junior aspirin. Во второй половине дня она пошла в аптеку купить детский аспирин. The Chemist evaporated the water. ... Читать далее...
16. Перевод слова superSuper — супер, превосходный, в высшей степени Перевод слова A super special car — совершенно необыкновенный автомобиль she is a super cook — она великолепно готовит a super bomb — сверхбомба We had a Super time. Мы отлично провели время. The goalie’s done a Super job. Голкипер сыграл великолепно. «Yes, I’d love to come.»Super! I’ll ... Читать далее...
17. French hornQ: What do you get when you cross a French horn player with a goal post? A: A goal post that can’t march. Q: How many French horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Just one, but he’ll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks. Q: What do ... Читать далее...
18. Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asksLittle Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. «Nah,» says Johnny, «what else do ... Читать далее...
19. Перевод слова plotPlot — участок; заговор, сюжет Перевод слова Assassination plot — заговор с целью убийства subordinate plot — побочная сюжетная линия building plot — строительный участок The movie has an intricate Plot. Фильм имеет замысловатый сюжет. The police have uncovered a Plot. Полиция раскрыла заговор. It wasn’t a deep laid Plot. Это был плохо спланированный заговор....
20. English hornQ: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears. Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player? A: I’ll tell you when I meet one. Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? ... Читать далее...
21. Whoah! Single men wash their sheets’four times a year’It’s a discovery no woman wants to hear — the average single male changes his sheets just four times a year. While they strip their beds every 3.1 months on average, unattached women change their linen every two-and-a-half weeks — or 26 times a year — a survey found. The grubbiest group for keeping sheets ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы out of line[out of line ] {adv. phr.} Not in a straight line; away from atrue line. The two edges were out of line and there was a spacebetween them. The sergeant ordered the soldier who was out of lineto get properly lined up....
23. Перевод слова maleMale — мужчина, мужской, мужского пола Перевод слова Male voice choir — мужской хор male fern — мужской папоротник male midwife — акушер male pigeon — голубь-самец A Male duck is a drake. Самец утки — это селезень. The Male has a white breast. У самцов грудка белая. Does Christianity promote Male domination over women? ... Читать далее...
24. VocalsQ: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? A: He can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in. Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman? A: Stage makeup. Q: How many lead singers does it take to change a light ... Читать далее...
25. The Cop QuizBy -=ShoEboX=- (This article originally appeared in Putsch Electronic Magazine.) Are you ready to be pulled over? Are you prepared to hand over your license and registration in the middle of the night to a prejudiced pig who doesn’t like you or your Dead Kennedys bumper sticker? Take this simple quiz and find out! Listed ... Читать далее...
26. Перевод слова dataData — данные, сведения Перевод слова Collected data — накопленные данные compilation of data — сбор и обработка данных to convert data — преобразовывать данные Computers process Data. Компьютеры обрабатывают данные. Do you control these Data? Вы обладаете этими данными? He misread the Data. Он неправильно прочел данные. Примеры из жизни Существует множество составных слов ... Читать далее...
27. Значение идиомы down the line[down the line] {adv. phr.}, {informal} 1. Down the road or street; straight ahead. The church is down the line a few blocks. 2. All the way; completely; thoroughly. Bob always follows the teacher’s directions right down the line....
28. Значение идиомы in line[in line ] {adv. phr.} In or into a straight line. The boysstood in line to buy their tickets. Tom set the chairs in linealong the wall. The carpenter put the edges of the boards inline....
29. Значение идиомы hell[hell] See: COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGHWATER, HELL-ON-WHEELS, LIKE HELL, TO HELL WITH, UNTIL HELL FREEZESOVER, WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER....
30. Nature of HellA thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.» Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when ... Читать далее...
31. The Australian wayAfter working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She ... Читать далее...
32. Значение идиомы line[line] See: BLOW ONE’S LINES or FLUFF ONE’S LINES, CHOW LINE, DOWNTHE LINE, DRAW A LINE or DRAW THE LINE, DROP A LINE, END OF THE ROADor END OF THE LINE, FOUL LINE, GOAL LINE, GOAL LINE STAND, HOLD THELINE, HOOK, LINE AND SINKER, IN LINE, IN LINE WITH, INTO LINE, LAY ONTHE LINE or ... Читать далее...
33. Dealing with an Apartment SuperGeorge: Did you call the Super about fixing the leaky faucet? Louise: I called him on Monday, but I haven’t Heard back yet. George: Well, call him again. This window is stuck and it won’t close. Louise: I’ll call him, but I think he’s avoiding our calls. George: He’s the worst super we’ve ever had. ... Читать далее...
34. Three college roommates — two females and a maleThree college roommates — two females and a male — began to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes. «All right,» one of the girls said, «the first one to speak has to do them.» The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their neighbor, a school ... Читать далее...
35. BanjoQ: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that’s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it. Q: How can you tell the stage you’re playing on is level? A: The banjo player is drooling out of ... Читать далее...
36. BagpipesQ: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise. Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper? A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too. Bagpipes (noun) — I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic ... Читать далее...
37. TrumpetQ: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, «I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality. Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist ... Читать далее...
38. Перевод слова hellHell — ад, преисподня; черт (ругательство) Перевод слова To make smb.’s life a hell — превратить чью-л. жизнь в ад to suffer through hell — переносить муки ада oh hell! — черт возьми! hell of a way — чертовски далеко Who the Hell are you? Кто ты такой, черт побери? To Hell with the flaming ... Читать далее...
39. It finally happenedA man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, «I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I’m really curious… What does Hell look like?» So Saint Peter thought about it a ... Читать далее...
40. Two groups of computer experts were set up in order toTwo groups of computer experts were set up in order to find out whether computer is male or female: one group was male, and the other group was female. The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as «HE» because: 1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them ... Читать далее...