Judi and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends

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1. Judi was bored with driving her BMW Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible. That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in […]...
2. There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home. When they got about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no idea way use your imagination). The three girls jump off and swim to a nearby island. After being there […]...
3. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him “Head and Shoulders” and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, “How do you give shoulders?”...
4. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: “I don’t want to complain, but I think those […]...
5. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: ” OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.” She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says “It feels like […]...
6. The complaint letter from Judi The complaint letter from Judi: We blonds at the ofise are tired of all the the dum stoopid jokes about us. We think this is hairassment. It causes us grate stress and makes our roots turn dark. We have hired a loyer and he is talking to the loyers at Clairol. We will take this […]...
7. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
8. Two men are discussing their lives Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”...
9. Three guys are discussing women Three guys are discussing women. “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” He asks the third guy “What about you?”. “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”...
10. Two guys were discussing popular family trends Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?” Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, What was her maiden name?”...
11. Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well… not exactly. More like […]...
12. Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they Three newly incarcerated convicts are discussing how they will pass their time in jail. The first one pulls out a harmonica and says “I can play all my favorite songs on this.” The second takes out a deck of cards. “I can play poker with myself with these.” The third gets out a box of […]...
13. Two men are discussing the age old question Two men are discussing the age old question: who enjoys sex more, the man or the woman? A woman walks by and listens in for awhile and then interrupts: “Listen you guys. You know when your ear itches and you put in your little finger and wiggle it around for awhile? Afterward, which feels better, […]...
14. Commiting suicide A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, “You put it around your neck!” The […]...
15. Without a horn Judi went to a “Dude Ranch” on vacation. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle. Judi asked what the difference was. “Well, one has a horn and the other doesn’t.” “Just get the one without the horn. I don’t think we’ll run into too much traffic out here.”...
16. Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding Two Polish guys are discussing one’s upcoming wedding… “I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.” His buddy replies, “Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, […]...
17. Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god […]...
18. Counting cars A blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway. The brunette keeps saying, “88, 88, 88…” The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past. “What are you doing?” “I’m counting cars,”comes the rely. “Want to help?” “Sure!” says the blond. She walks out to the middle of the […]...
19. Discussing Philosophy Rene: Why are you sitting here just Staring into space? Francis: I’m Pondering life. Rene: That sounds Profound. Francis: I’m examining my life from a Metaphysical standpoint. I’m not sure I really Exist. Maybe my entire life is an Illusion and there’s no such thing as Reality. Rene: Okay. Are you sure you’re feeling all […]...
20. Discussing Social Class Hector: Can you believe James? All evening, he tried to tell me how this country would be better if we had no Social classes. He’s out of his mind. Sophia: He was just trying To get a rise out of you. We all know that the two of you don’t See eye to eye. Hector: […]...
21. Discussing a Victory or Loss Yolanda: Did you see the game last night? Bob: You mean the Crushing victory of my team over yours? Yolanda: That’s not how I would Characterize it. We Fell short in the final seconds, but we played a good game Up until then. Bob: In your dreams. My team Dominated from beginning to end. You’re […]...
22. Buying A Bull Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last […]...
23. Honeymooned! A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk […]...
24. Two hookers were on a street corner Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, “Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air.” The other hooker looked at her and said, “No, I just burped.”...
25. Перевод слова hundred Hundred – сто, сотня Перевод слова Hundreds of people – сотни людей to sell by the hundred – продавать сотнями to have hundreds in the bank – иметь сотни в банке to live to be a hundred – дожить до ста лет He gains a Hundred a year. Он зарабатывает сотню в год. I swim […]...
26. A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored […]...
27. Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible Mary went to Jill’s place to tell her about a horrible experience she’d had the previous night with this bloke she brought home. “Well, what happened when you got there?” Jill asked “The bastard called me a slut!” Mary said. “And what did you do then?” Jill asked, shocked. “I told him to get the […]...
28. Перевод слова idea Idea – идея, мысль, мнение Перевод слова What a funny idea! – что за странная мысль! preconceived idea – предвзятое мнение clear idea – ясное представление a brill idea – блестящая идея That’s the Idea! Вот именно! I don’t relish the Idea. Я не в восторге от этой идеи. I’m not saying it’s a bad […]...
29. Discussing Capital Punishment Simon: What’s all that? Hilary: It’s a news report about the upcoming Execution of Perry Hickock. Simon: That’s Barbaric. We shouldn’t have Capital punishment in this day and age. Hilary: This guy killed an entire family while trying to rob them in their own home. He was Convicted of multiple murders and given the Death […]...
30. Значение идиомы what’s the big idea [what’s the big idea] or [what’s the idea] {informal} What is thepurpose; what do you have in mind; why did you do that; what are youdoing; how dare you. – Often used to question someone or somethingthat is not welcome. The Smith family painted their house red, white, and blue. What’s the big idea? What’s […]...
31. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “О фильме (Discussing a film)” По-английски Перевод на русский Ron: So, Sheila, what dо you think of the film “Pretty Woman”? Рон: Так, Шейла, что ты думаешь о фильме “Красотка”? Sheila: I really like it. I think, it is one of the best films ever. Шейла: Мне он очень понравился. Я думаю, это один из самых лучших фильмов. Ron: Yes, […]...
32. Значение идиомы the idea [the idea] or [the very idea] {n. phr.} – Used in exclamations toshow that you do not like something. The idea! Thinking Mother wasmy sister! The very idea of Tom bringing that dirty dog into myclean house!...
33. Упражнения на числительные (с ответами) 1. Найдите пары: слова из первого столбика и соответствующие цифры из второго. Н-р: 1 – d Seventy-two a) 31 Thirteen b) 11 Fifty-six c) 660 Eighty d) 72 Eighteen e) 315 Twenty-three f) 100 Eleven g) 13 Ninety h) 49 Twelve i) 925 Twenty j) 18 Nineteen k) 80 Forty-nine l) 504 One hundred m) […]...
34. Значение идиомы make eyes at [make eyes at] {v. phr.}, {informal} To look at a girl or boy in away that tries to attract him to you; flirt. The other girlsdisliked her way of making eyes at their boyfriends instead of findingone of her own....
35. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
36. An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman’s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again – the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live […]...
37. I wrote it! There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night club ahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, “I’ve never seen you in her before.” The guy says, “Yes, I’m not from around here. I’m just passing […]...
38. Wrong floor Two accountants were discussing a colleague’s interest in one of the firm’s new secretaries. “I just don’t get it.” said one. “She’s an airhead – nothing going on upstairs. “That may be true,” replied the other, “but I don’t think that’s the floor he’s getting off on.”...
39. Перевод слова night Night – ночь Перевод слова A blusterous windy night – штормовая ветреная ночь a clear night – ясная, звездная ночь the cope of night – покров ночи day and night – круглосуточно He’s on Night duty. Он на ночном дежурстве. It poured all Night. Ливень шел всю ночь. He yawned good Night. Он, зевая, произнес: […]...
40. Irish Laughs Casey married a rich widow, but they didn’t get along. One day she said to him, “If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” Casey mumbled, “If it […]...