Another ethnic joke

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1. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to... ...
2. Did you hear about the hillbilly Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to buy a chain saw? He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees... ...
3. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss... ...
4. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up... ...
5. Two AA batteries Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, “Come this way,” and heads towards the back... ...
6. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks... ...
7. I got a great Polish joke A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, “Hey, I got this great Polish Joke…” The barkeep glares at him and says in a... ...
8. Mega moron awards MEGA MORON AWARDS Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank’s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder... ...
9. The newly divorced woman The newly divorced woman had never had to be the handyman around the house before, and quickly discovered she was lacking most of the proper tools to do the odd... ...
10. Please show the I. D The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier... ...
11. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I... ...
12. Dog washing A young boy, about eight years old, walks into the local grocery store and picks our a huge box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and trying to be... ...
13. A woman strode angrily into the large A woman strode angrily into the large drug-store-cum-general-store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction. The clerk asked, “What’s the problem? Wouldn’t your cat eat them?”... ...
14. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was... ...
15. A woman asks the hardware store clerk “Do you have any batteries?” a woman asks the hardware store clerk. “Yes, m’am.” The clerk gestures with his finger. “Can you come this way?” “If I could come that... ...
16. A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and,... ...
17. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once,... ...
18. A Trip to the Jewelry Store My wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once,... ...
19. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some “real” musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store... ...
20. Welfare office A young man walked into the local welfare office, marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi, I hate drawing welfare. I would really rather find a job. The... ...
21. A lady was in a hardware store looking at A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said ‘I am blind drop it on the... ...
22. The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady... ...
23. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to... ...
24. Перевод слова hardware Hardware – оборудование, аппаратура Перевод слова Hardware engineer – специалист по ЭВМ, электронщик piece of hardware – элемент конструкции hardware constraints – аппаратные ограничения They carried a vast inventory of... ...
25. Перевод слова insult Insult – оскорбление, обида Перевод слова Inexpiable insult – несмываемое оскорбление to revenge an insult – отомстить за оскорбление imaginary insult – выдуманная обида The Insult left him speechless. Оскорбление... ...
26. The Gift After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift... ...
27. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird... ...
28. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying... ...
29. Flies A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting Flies” He responded. “Oh. Killing any?” She... ...
30. Passing a parrot A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, “Hey lady,... ...
31. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.”... ...
32. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying... ...
33. Remember a child A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her... ...
34. Перевод слова polish Polish – блеск, полировать, шлифовать Перевод слова To polish one’s nails – полировать ногти metal takes polish – металл приобретает блеск stone takes a polish – камень полируется to polish... ...
35. A Trip to the Library I read in the Local paper that a new public library had just opened two weeks ago in my neighborhood. I wanted to Check it out. But first, I called... ...
36. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid!... ...
37. PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re... ...
38. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer... ...
39. Ultra dumb people 02 A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up... ...
40. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked... ...