The first Jewish woman President is elected

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1. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied […]...
2. Перевод слова supreme Supreme – верховный, высший, предельный Перевод слова The supreme test – решающее испытание Supreme Court of Judicature – Верховный суд (Великобритании) Supreme Pontiff – папа римский Money reigns Supreme here. Здесь правят деньги. A Supreme Court judge was charged with taking bribes. Судье Верховного Суда было предъявлено обвинение в получении взятки. Jupiter is the Supreme […]...
3. Перевод слова president President – президент Перевод слова Campaign for the president – кампания кандидата в президенты a consultant to the President on foreign policy – советник президента по внешней политике acting president – временно исполняющий обязанности президента incoming president – вновь избранный президент The President declared war. Президент объявил войну. He could end up as President. Oн […]...
4. President precedent Difference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent* … BAD *PRECEDENT: Tipper: “How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?” Al: “Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I’d do it all again.” … BAD *PRESIDENT: Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear – […]...
5. Main Vice President Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”. “Really?” […]...
6. In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton In light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: “All the President’s Women.”...
7. Political system of Russia The Russian Federation is a Presidential (or a constitutional) republic. The President is the head of the state and is elected directly by the people. In fact he has much power, he controls all the three branches of power. The President can even dissolve the Duma if he doesn’t agree with his suggestions three times […]...
8. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip – a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. “I’d salute […]...
9. Better prison foods Subject: You Deserve a Break Today San Francisco (UPI) – In what legal observers are already calling a landmark decision in the case of Jackson v. California, the California Supreme Court has recognized for the first time a constitutional right to chicken done right. The high court held that under the the due process clause […]...
10. The company president called the chief security guard The company president called the chief security guard into his office. “Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.” Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, “I’m sorry, Sir. I […]...
11. Airport Layover I was going to see a friend of mine in Oklahoma City and decided to use my Frequent flyer miles. I Booked a flight, but the only one they had had a long Layover in Denver. I had three hours To kill And I decided to get something to eat at the food court. Unfortunately, […]...
12. This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she’s playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. “Oh, no! I […]...
13. An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decide to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the […]...
14. The Political System of the USA Washington, the capital of the United States, is situated on the Potomac River in the District of Columbia. The district is a piece of land which doesn’t belong to any state but to all the states. Under the Constitution, the federal government is divided into three branches. The legislative power is vested in Congress and […]...
15. A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying A Jewish couple, are sitting together on an airplane flying to the Far East. Over the public address system, the Captain announces: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning, and this plane will be going down momentarily. Luckily, I see an island below us that […]...
16. The US Government – Политико-административное устройство США After its 200th birthday the United States of America still holds the leading position in the western world. A country that has inspired many names – “Land of Opportunity”, “Meeting Pot”, “God’s Country” is still referred to as land of superlatives – “the richest”, “the greatest”, “the most”. In size the United States is not […]...
17. Значение идиомы swear in [swear in] or [swear into] {v.} To have a person swear or promiseto do his duty as a member or an officer of an organization, government department, or similar group. – “Swear into” is used whenthe name of the group is given. Mary and Ann will be sworn into theclub tonight. Fred was sworn in […]...
18. Presidents should not swear in on a Bible Barack Obama’s hand lies on a Bible held by Michelle Obama as he is sworn in as the 44th U. S. president on January 20, 2009. U. S. presidents should not be sworn into office with their hand on a Bible. At Monday’s inauguration of his second term, President Barack Obama will raise his right […]...
19. Next US President A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: “I’d like to become the next President of the United States.” The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?” Redneck: “Why, is it required?”...
20. It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way. “And just where have you been until this hour?” demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home. […]...
21. Candidate Clinton vs President Clinton Candidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the […]...
22. The Cesium song 08 ‘Lectropositive Mama (tune, Lady Madonna) ‘Letropositive mama, Cesium on your meat, Wonder how you manage, To stay on your feet. How d’ya stand the smokin’? How d’ya ‘bide the flame? Do you think that life’s just A burnin’ game. Monday night your hunger’s a blue fire, Tuesday morn’ you’re cookin’ ‘fore the sun. Wednesday raivn, […]...
23. Woman is on a bus A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and […]...
24. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, “Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!”. She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks […]...
25. Перевод слова gentleman Gentleman – джентельмен, господин Перевод слова He is a gentleman – он порядочный человек he is one of nature’s gentlemen – в нем есть прирожденное благородство gentleman’s agreement – джентльменское соглашение Ladies and Gentlemen! Дамы и господа! He deported himself like a Gentleman. Он вел себя как истинный джентльмен. Show this Gentleman how to get […]...
26. The President of the United States – Президент Соединенных Штатов Do you want to be President of the United States of America? Maybe you can apply for the post. Answer these three questions. Are you a US citizen? Are you thirty-five years old or older? Have you been a resident of the United States for fourteen years or longer? Did you say “yes” to all […]...
27. A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing A young woman on a rough Atlantic crossing was in her cabin undressing then suddenly she was overcome by sea sickness. In a panic she rushed into the corridor and headed for the bathroom. It was not until she collided with an elderly gentleman that she realized she didn’t have a stitch of clothing on. […]...
28. Made in Canada President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: Our largest condom factory has exploded!” the American President cried, “My people’s favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!” “Bill, da Canadian pipple would be ‘appy to do anyt’ing wit’in der power to ‘elp you,” replied the Prime Minister. “I do need your help,” […]...
29. In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. At a “Quik Stop” on the edge of town, I […]...
30. President Carter’s joke In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story […]...
31. Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, “Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner.” “What did it say on the banners?” Clinton asks. Saddam replies, “Allah is god, god is Allah.” Clinton says, “You know, Saddam, I […]...
32. The Federal Judiciary – Федеральное судоустройство In the federal system there are 90 District Courts presided over by a district judge, which hear criminal cases involving breaches of federal law and civil cases on federal matters (disputes between states, non-payment of federal taxes, etc). Appeals can be made to the United States Court of Appeals, where an appeal is heard by […]...
33. Gone fishing Henry Abel’s son, David, burst into the house, crying like everything. His Mama asked him what the problem was. “Pop and I were fishing, and he hooked a giant fish. Really big. Then, while reeling it in, the line busted and the fish got away.” “Now come on, David,” his mother said, “a big boy […]...
34. Если бы я был президентом/ If I Were A President На английском языке Перевод на русский язык If I Were A President Если бы я был президентом Many of us have some wishes for the countries we live in that we desire to fulfill to bring some positive changes about. Of course, we have limited powers as humble citizens, but we still have certain rights. […]...
35. President’s Day – День президента American’s two most popular and famous Presidents were both born in February. Until very recently, the birthdays of each President were officially celebrated but the holidays occurring in the middle of the week disrupted the full workweek. So ten years ago the Congress reformed the entire system of American Holidays to make them more convenient […]...
36. Значение идиомы mama’s boy [mama’s boy] {n. phr.}, {informal} A boy who depends too much onhis mother; a sissy. The other boys called Tommy a mama’s boybecause he wouldn’t come out to play unless his mother stayed nearhim....
37. One night, an 87-year-old woman One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to […]...
38. It is written in the Bible! There once was a priest who had to spend the night in a hotel and offered hat check girl to come up to his room for dinner. After a while he started advancing on her when she stopped him and reminded him he was a holy man. “It’s O. K.,” he replied, “it’s written in […]...
39. Read – it’s fun An elderly gentleman… Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to a doctor who was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, ‘Your hearing is […]...
40. Great to be a woman Reason’s why it’s great to be a woman Free drinks. Free dinners. Free movies. Speeding ticket? What’s that? New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. If you have to be home in time for Melrose Place, you can say so, out loud. If you’re not making enough money you can blame the […]...