A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items

Related topics:

1. A cowboy walked into a barber shop A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. The cowboy said, […]...
2. The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, “If you can read this you’re too damn close” embroidered on her panties and bra. “Yes Madame,” said the clerk. “I’m quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?” “Braille,” she replied....
3. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
4. The Gift After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked. “Cash,” I snapped. […]...
5. A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort – one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, “Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.” The Jewish lady said, “But your sign says that you have vacancies.” […]...
6. Three religious truths There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters...
7. Ways to Pay I was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I […]...
8. Ways to Pay I was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I […]...
9. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
10. Перевод слова moment Moment – момент, миг Перевод слова To draw back from the deal at the last moment – отказаться от сделки в последний момент just at that precise moment – именно в тот момент in a rash moment – в спешке He stopped for a Moment. На мгновение он остановился. It takes just a Moment. Это […]...
11. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.” “What is your current name?” asked the clerk. “Martin Arsehole,” replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said “I […]...
12. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
13. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
14. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
15. Bra sizes Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F and G are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn’t figure out what the letters stood for… It is about time you became informed! {A} – Almost Boobs… {B} – Barely there. {C} – Can’t Complain! […]...
16. Scientists Reveal What Jesus Looked Like And It’ll Surprise You It’s days like this when you realise just how amazing technology can be, as scientists reveal what they believe Jesus really looked like. People often imagine Jesus with long hair, a lengthy beard and bizarrely – despite being born in the middle east – with fair skin. Has nobody questioned that at all? Besides having […]...
17. Buying Souvenirs I was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not […]...
18. Buying Souvenirs I was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not […]...
19. Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat fishing and Jesus says to Moses “I want to do a miracle so we can feel like the good old days.” and Moses says “Yeah sure.” So Jesus gets up and says “I think I’ll walk on the water, that was always a good one.” So Jesus […]...
20. Love Jesus By Dennis DiPasquale The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I’m really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the light […]...
21. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
22. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
23. Finding the Perfect Gift Fae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she […]...
24. Get me something cheap After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. “How about some perfume?” he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50. “That’s a bit much,” said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30. “Thats […]...
25. Finding the Perfect Gift Fae: Help! I still need to buy a Gift for my mother and I can’t seem to think of the perfect Present, something that’ll really Knock her socks off. Pablo: Why don’t you just get her a Gift certificate or a Gift card? That way, she can Pick out her own gift. Fae: Oh, she […]...
26. A business man got on an elevator in a building A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, “T-G-I-F” (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, “S-H-I-T” (letters only).” She looked at him, puzzled, and said, “T-G-I-F” again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, […]...
27. For Lovers Only на английском языке писателя G. K. Chesterton Gabriel Gale was energetically painting a new sign for the Rising Sun Inn when his attention was engaged by a new arrival, Diana Westermaine. The lady was tall and dark, and Gale looked at her steadily and rather longer than is strictly polite-but painters are absent-minded. When he left off looking at her, she began […]...
28. Picking up a Rental Car Ralph: I have a Reservation for a car. Clerk: What is the last name on the reservation? Ralph: It’s Furcal. Clerk: Just one moment. I have a reservation for Ralph Furcal, picking up today and returning on the 19th. Ralph: Yes, that’s right. I reserved an Economy car. Clerk: We do have an economy car […]...
29. Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. “Say, Chris, how ya doing? How’s the tractor selling […]...
30. Household items Back in the ’70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned to his friend, and said, “Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, ‘Oh, great. Now I’ll have to […]...
31. A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and […]...
32. A peculiar birthday card This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards – something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day – “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take […]...
33. A Burglar is in Big Trouble A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his […]...
34. Перевод идиомы close up shop / shut up shop, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: close up shop / shut up shop Перевод: закрывать лавочку, свернуть дело (временно или навсегда) Пример: I can’t make any money in this town. The time has come to close up shop and move to another town. У меня не получается ничего заработать в этом городке. Пришло время закрываться и переезжать в другой городок....
35. Getting a new deputy The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?” “11” he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.” […]...
36. ZHow offensive is that? How offensive is that? Jesus has just been nailed to the cross and has begun to suffer from the wounds, A crowd has gathered to watch and sympathize with Him. As Jesus looks out over the gathering he calls to one of his apostle’s. “Paul… Paul,” He calls out. Paul hears his name and comes […]...
37. A crowd had gathered around a whore and A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her. Jesus stepped in front of her and said: “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked […]...
38. Перевод слова clerk Clerk – клерк, администратор Перевод слова Bank clerk – банковский служащий correspondence clerk – корреспондент telegraph clerk – телеграфист He Clerks in a supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. The Clerk recorded their names in the register. Клерк записал их имена в реестр. The Clerk was well bounced for his carelessness. За халатность клерку сурово […]...
39. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,”Honey, can you go over […]...
40. Freudian Slip Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says: “Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudian slips? Well, I had the most amazing one last night. I was eating dinner with my mother, and I meant to say, “please pass the salt,” but instead I said, “You god damn bitch, you ruined […]...