There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment

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1. Перевод слова cashier Cashier – кассир Перевод слова A cashier’s cage – будка кассира fee payment cashier – кассир по гонорарам betting shop cashier – кассир тотализатора The Cashier overcharged me by at least $2.00. Кассир обсчитал меня не меньше чем на два доллара. The Cashier was robbed at gunpoint. Кассира ограбили, угрожая оружием. He realized that he […]...
2. The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was aproached by his assistant. “Anything interesting happen over-night”, asked the mortitian. “Yes”, replied the assistant, “The most gorgeous 18 year-old blond came in last night. Dead of course” “What was the cause of death”, enquired the mortition. “I’m not sure”,replied the assistant. “But she’s got […]...
3. A guy was driving home one evening A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter’s birthday and that he hasn’t bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was “now or never”, he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and […]...
4. A little delusion The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore […]...
5. An infamous stud with a long list of conquests An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he looked worried and asked him if anything was wrong. “I’m scared out of my mind,” the stud replied. “Some pissed-off husband wrote to me and said he’d kill me if I didn’t stop […]...
6. A man walks into a jewellers shop A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and places his tool upon the counter. The lady serving says: “I’m sorry Sir, this is a clock shop not a cock shop.” “Well, put two hands and a face on this.” replies the man....
7. Humor about Ireland 2 Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. “Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin – but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is […]...
8. Перевод слова cock Cock – петух; драчун, заводила Перевод слова Fighting cock – бойцовый петух cock of the school – первый драчун в школе old cock – дружище, старина We sat till the second Cock. Мы сидели до вторых петухов. A Cock crowed in the distance. Вдалеке кукарекал петух. The Cock crowed as the sun began to rise. […]...
9. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
10. Перевод слова bucket Bucket – ведро Перевод слова Empty bucket – пустое ведро full bucket – полное ведро drop in the bucket – капля в море He sank the Bucket into the well. Он опустил ведро в колодец. The Greek, that great well whence we Bucket up our terms. Греческий язык, этот великий источник, из которого мы черпаем […]...
11. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
12. The Supermarket Checkout I went to the supermarket to do my weekly shopping. The Cashiers at this market are usually pretty friendly, but this one must have been having a hard day. Cashier: Excuse me, sir, this Lane is for 15 items or less. It looks like you have more than that. Yong: No, actually I have exactly […]...
13. The Supermarket Checkout I went to the supermarket to do my weekly shopping. The Cashiers at this market are usually pretty friendly, but this one must have been having a hard day. Cashier: Excuse me, sir, this Lane is for 15 items or less. It looks like you have more than that. Yong: No, actually I have exactly […]...
14. Please show the I. D The following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the […]...
15. An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical “service” smile and “Have a nice day!” The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day […]...
16. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter […]...
17. Flies A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. “What are you doing?” She asked. “Hunting Flies” He responded. “Oh. Killing any?” She asked. “Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied. Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell?” He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were […]...
18. As US tourists in Israel As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. “America,” the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the […]...
19. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
20. A man walked into a lawyer’s office and A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what was your third question?”...
21. PUPPY LOVE A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The Father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being […]...
22. Fake Niceness – Искусственная любезность I have to deal a lot with various people, including shop assistants and waiters. And I`ve recently faced a serious problem which I`ve called “fake niceness”. One day I walked into a Drug Store, because I badly need a pain-reliever. The girl at the till asked me nothing about my chose but about my day […]...
23. There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a […]...
24. There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a […]...
25. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Сувениры (Souvenirs)” По-английски Перевод на русский Shop assistant: Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you? Продавец: Добрый день, мэм. Чем могу вам помочь? Christina: Good afternoon. I’m looking for a present for my friend. It’s his birthday today and I don’t know what’s best to buy. Кристина: Добрый день. Я ищу подарок для своего друга. У […]...
26. Значение идиомы cock-and-bull story [cock-and-bull story] {n. phr.} An exaggerated or unbelievable story. “Stop feeding me such cock-and-bull stories,” the detective said to the suspect....
27. Birth control Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says “We’re Catholic so we can’t use it.” The next woman says “I am too but we use the rhythm method.” The third woman says “We use the bucket and saucer method.” “What the heck is […]...
28. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
29. Drawing God A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God […]...
30. Very dangerous mix This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and […]...
31. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
32. Too good to be true A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the customer, “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my gator.”...
33. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
34. Reward for goodness Three men died in a car accident and met Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates. The Lord spoke unto them saying, “I will ask you each a simple question. If you tell the truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you lie….Hell is waiting for you. To the first man the Lord asked, […]...
35. I have a question A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, “How does this boat float? The father replied, “Don’t rightly know son.” A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, “How do fish […]...
36. A policeman was patrolling near midnight A policeman was patrolling near midnight at a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. Inside there was a young man in the driver’s seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat calmly knitting. He […]...
37. Значение идиомы close up shop [close up shop] {v. phr.} 1. To shut a store at the end of a day’s business, also, to end a business. The grocer closes up shop at 5 o’clock. After 15 years in business at the same spot, the garage closed up shop. 2. {informal} To stop some activity; finish what you are doing. […]...
38. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
39. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “В магазине одежды (At The Clothes’ Store)” По-английски Перевод на русский Assistant: Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you? Консультант: Доброе утро, мэм. Чем я могу Вам помочь? Customer: I’m looking for a pair of jeans. Where can I find them? Покупатель: Я ищу джинсы. Где я могу их найти? Assistant: They are over there, ma’am. Which size do you wear? […]...
40. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...