Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo

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1. A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says “OK,” and goes to the pharmacy to buy […]...
2. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again […]...
3. Describing Distances and Giving Directions Daniella: Could you tell where I can find a drugstore? Hotel clerk: Sure. There’s one Up the street near the Corner of Selma and Main. If you get to Abreu Avenue, you’ve Gone too far. It’s Set back from the street so it’s a little hard to find. Daniella: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll keep an […]...
4. Riding the Subway Misha: I’d like to buy a Token for the Subway. Clerk: The subway doesn’t use tokens anymore. Misha: Oh? I didn’t know that. It’s been a few years since I visited New York. How do I pay for the Fare? Clerk: You can buy a ticket for a Single ride that Expires two hours after […]...
5. Going to the Post Office For me, things never Go very Smoothly at my local post office. I’ve learned that if you want To mail a letter, you’ll have no problems. But if things get more complicated than that, well, Watch out! Yesterday I went there to mail a small package and to pick up a Book of stamps. I […]...
6. Some horse-play The newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal. “No,” he said, “I don’t believe I’ll need it. I’ll just grab onto her ears and hold on […]...
7. Значение идиомы pick-me-up [pick-me-up] {n. phr.} Something you take when you feel tired orweak. John stopped at a drugstore for a pick-me-up after workingthree hours overtime. Mary always carried a bar of chocolate inher pocketbook for a pick-me-up....
8. Riding in a Carpool Roberto: Hey, Loreto. Got a minute? Loreto: I’m going to a meeting Off-site, but we can talk if you don’t mind Walking me to my car. Roberto: Sure, okay. I just wanted to ask if you’re interested in Carpooling to work. We only live a few blocks from each other. Loreto: Thanks for asking, but […]...
9. A peculiar birthday card This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards – something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day – “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take […]...
10. Перевод слова package Package – пакет, упаковочная тара Перевод слова Attractive package – привлекательная упаковка cardboard package – картонная упаковка package deal – комплексная сделка She mailed the Package to me. Она послала мне посылку. Deliver the Package to my home. Доставьте пакет мне домой. She attached a note to the Package. Она прикрепила записку к пакету....
11. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
12. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
13. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the Phone Clerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back […]...
14. The Young Mans Big Mouth The Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms […]...
15. A technical bastard A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, […]...
16. Shopping for Shoes Clerk: Can I help you find something? Alissa: Yes, I’m looking for some Dress shoes for work, something with a low Heel. Clerk: Have you tried this Brand? They make really comfortable shoes. This company makes several styles of dress shoes, including a Sandal, a low Boot, and a Loafer. These right here are Open […]...
17. Shopping for Shoes Clerk: Can I help you find something? Alissa: Yes, I’m looking for some Dress shoes for work, something with a low Heel. Clerk: Have you tried this Brand? They make really comfortable shoes. This company makes several styles of dress shoes, including a Sandal, a low Boot, and a Loafer. These right here are Open […]...
18. A man decided to have a face lift A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think […]...
19. Olympic condoms A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. When he arrives home, he tells his wife about the purchase he’s just made. “Olympic condoms?” she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors,” he explains, “gold, silver and bronze.” “So what color […]...
20. At the Bakery Clerk: Hi, can I help you? Leticia: Hi. I’m trying To make up my mind about which kind of Dessert to get. Everything in the Case looks delicious. Clerk: Thanks. As you can see, we have a lot of different types of Cookies, brownies, cakes, and Muffins over here. Leticia: Ooh, that cake looks wonderful. […]...
21. At the Bakery Clerk: Hi, can I help you? Leticia: Hi. I’m trying To make up my mind about which kind of Dessert to get. Everything in the Case looks delicious. Clerk: Thanks. As you can see, we have a lot of different types of Cookies, brownies, cakes, and Muffins over here. Leticia: Ooh, that cake looks wonderful. […]...
22. Repetitiveness After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each a drink, unaware that his new bride […]...
23. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some “real” musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says “I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.” The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies “OK, […]...
24. Latex factory A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise. “The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking […]...
25. Paying bills Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?” “Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk. “That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his […]...
26. Shoe shopping A man walks into a shoe store… …and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the sales clerk. “Well… they feel a bit tight.” replies the man. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the mans feet. “Try pulling the tongue out.” offers the clerk. […]...
27. Some explaining The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, “Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see.” A frosty silence prevailed until the […]...
28. A woman walks into a pet store A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, “I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.” “No worries,” replies the clerk. […]...
29. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. “This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.” the clerk said. “Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?” “This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.” “And the other?” said the customer. […]...
30. Changing Money I was at the airport to pick up my friend Sandra, who was visiting from Italy. Gustavo: Do you Have everything? Sandra: Yes, I think so. But, I don’t have any U. S. dollars. Where can I Change money? Can I do that here? Gustavo: You could, but I wouldn’t Recommend it. The Exchange rate […]...
31. Gimme some aspirin! Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. “I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.” “Yeah, I went to a dozen drug […]...
32. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,”Honey, can you go over […]...
33. Перевод слова clerk Clerk – клерк, администратор Перевод слова Bank clerk – банковский служащий correspondence clerk – корреспондент telegraph clerk – телеграфист He Clerks in a supermarket. Он работает продавцом в супермаркете. The Clerk recorded their names in the register. Клерк записал их имена в реестр. The Clerk was well bounced for his carelessness. За халатность клерку сурово […]...
34. A dog walks into a butcher shop A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter […]...
35. Riding in a Limousine Mandy: Whoo! Whoo! Theo: Hey, get down from there. You shouldn’t be sticking your head out of the Sunroof. Mandy: I just wanted to get some air. This Stretch limo is amazing. Theo: Well, I thought I’d rent one and take you to the Prom in style. Mandy: This is The height of luxury. You’ve […]...
36. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...
37. A Change Of Vows During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d […]...
38. The Gift After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked. “Cash,” I snapped. […]...
39. Some practical jokes Smaller or larger tuxedo A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom’s tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either […]...
40. Honeymooned! A young couple from the country honeymooned at a really fancy ocean-side resort. because they knew it would be expensive, they had planned to limit their stay to just the weekend, but were just unable to leave, enjoying themselves and each other so much, and extended their stay another day. Upon checking out, the desk […]...