One thing I Dread more than anything else is going Clothes shopping with my wife. It’s not that I don’t like helping her buy new clothes. It’s just that I have no Fashion sense. My wife always asks me, “What do you think of this one?” and I always answer with something like: “That’s nice” … Читать далее
Bill: Surprise! I brought you here to this beautiful spot for a romantic Picnic. I have a very special question to ask you. Madison: Oh, that’s so sweet. Did you remember to bring a Picnic blanket? Bill: I did. I have everything we’ll need in this Picnic basket. Madison: Don’t put it down there. There … Читать далее
Patrick: Okay, your first Task is To put all of these files in order. Maya: Wow, there must be hundreds of files in this Storeroom. How am I supposed to organize them? Patrick: Create a basic Filing system. Put things in Sequence. If they’re Labeled with dates, put them in Chronological order. If they’re labeled … Читать далее
A man executed on Death Row got his final wish from beyond the grave. A convicted murderer put to death in Tennessee this week got his last meal wish after he died. Philip Workman, 53, requested that his final meal be a vegetarian pizza donated to any homeless person near the Riverbend Maximum Security Institution … Читать далее
Agency employee: Tell me why you’d like to sign up with our Employment agency. Kurt: Well, right now I’m working in a Dead end job. There are no opportunities for Advancement. I’m already at the top of the Pay scale, so there’s no chance of another Pay raise. Agency employee: Okay, I’d like to find … Читать далее
Jamal: I really Dread these annual Management meetings. We usually have To sit through the most boring Motivational speakers giving us Pep talks. Cindy: I think you’ll be surprised by the person they’ve hired To kick off our meeting. She’s supposed to be a Guru on Crisis management. Jamal: Oh no, not another one. Cindy: … Читать далее
Vanessa: [gasps] What happened to my computer overnight? This can’t be my computer. Reza: It is. The tech guys Installed a new Operating system on all of the computers after hours. Vanessa: But my Desktop looks completely different. Where is the Menu bar? I don’t know how to open any of my Applications. Reza: You’ll … Читать далее
I Broke up With my boyfriend last month. We had Gone out for a year and I was ready to Settle down. But, I could tell that he still wanted to Play the field before getting married. I don’t think Don ever Cheated on Me, but I finally realized that he wasn’t The Marrying type. … Читать далее
Randal: Hurry up. Rob will be here any minute. Marjorie: I can’t remember the Combination to this Lock. Randal: I thought you Knew it by heart. Marjorie: It’s On the tip of my tongue, but I can’t seem to remember the last two Digits. It’s 73 or 63 or 38… Randal: You said you Had … Читать далее
Marcel: Hey, why do you have the file for the Donovan Account on your desk? I thought that was Evan’s account. Amanda: It is, but I’m about To snatch it from him. He Won’t know what hit him. Marcel: You’re stealing his account? If you do that, you’d better Watch your back. Amanda: You’ve got … Читать далее
Chrissy: Wow, that movie was amazing, but I can’t believe that they Blew up the Eiffel Tower. I bet the French are really Pissed. Jack: You’re kidding, right? They didn’t really blow up the Eiffel Tower. They used Special effects to make it look that way. Chrissy: Are you sure? It really looked like the … Читать далее
Nick: I don’t care what it takes. I want Robinson on my team next year. Jamie: He’ll be a Free agent and he’ll be Fielding a lot of offers. I don’t know if we can make him an attractive enough Deal. Nick: We’ll offer him a Signing bonus. That should Sweeten the deal. Jamie: I’m … Читать далее
Reina: Okay, I’m ready to walk my way to better Fitness! Lars: I’m glad you’re so enthusiastic about starting To exercise. Reina: I’m totally Psyched! Check out my new Tennis shoes. Lars: They’re Brand new? You haven’t Broken them in yet? I hope you don’t get Blisters. Reina: Stop worrying. Let’s go, I’m ready To … Читать далее
The supervisor at my work asked me the other day to Help out one of the new employees. She needs some basic Orientation on how to Login to our network. So I made an appointment with her to come to my Cubicle for a little training session. Jeff: Hi, Lucy, how are you Settling in? … Читать далее
Mechanic: Hi, I’m the Mechanic. What can I do for you? Amy: My car is making a very weird noise. It sounds like this: gulug, gulug, gulug… Mechanic: Hm, that doesn’t sound good. Where is it coming from? Amy: I’m not sure. When I’m in the car, it sounds like it’s coming from the Engine, … Читать далее
Joann: Oh, are those pictures of your kids? Artem: Yes. These are my three daughters and these are my two sons. Joann: Your sons look so alike. Are they similar in Personality, too? Artem: It’s funny you ask that. My wife and I are always saying how different they are from one another, even though … Читать далее
Anne: Where are you going with that? Ivan: I’m taking this clock to an Antique dealer. Rather than having it Gather dust on the Mantelpiece, I thought I’d get it Appraised and maybe sell it. Anne: You can’t sell that! It belonged to our grandfather. It’s a Family heirloom. Ivan: It’s not a family heirloom. … Читать далее
Liset: I should never have gotten on this Boat. We’re going to sink. I know it! Mark: Calm down. The water is a little Rough today, but there’s nothing to worry about. You have your Life jacket on, right? Liset: Oh my God, water is Splashing into the boat. We need to start Bailing right … Читать далее
Boss: What is going on here?! Jenny: There was a Miscommunication. Boss: A miscommunication?! There are 16 Copiers in this office. Who ordered 16 copiers? Jenny: No one did. Clearly Wires got crossed somewhere. I’ll try To get to the bottom of this, but the copiers will be removed before lunch. Boss: I can’t even … Читать далее
I’m going to a Conference this weekend Back in my home state of Minnesota. I am going there to Address a Convention full of Librarians, Believe it or not. For me, the worst part of going On the road For business is not the traveling; it’s all the preparation you have to do. I created … Читать далее
Takeshi: What do you want me to do with this Piano? Paula: I want you to move it from the living room to the family room. You’re As strong as an ox and that’s why I called you for help. Takeshi: Lucky me. I don’t think I can move that piano by myself, though. Paula: … Читать далее
Tania: Did you see the news today? Canada has been doing Military exercises near the Canada-U. S. Border. I think they’re trying To send us a message. Emilio: They’re just Saber-rattling. They think we’re Amassing weapons near the border and they’re Posturing. Tania: I don’t think they’re just posturing. Emilio: Canada is no real Threat. … Читать далее
Josette: I admit it. I’m a nervous traveler and I don’t like traveling internationally. Tae-jin: You could get Travel insurance. Doing that would make you feel more Secure, wouldn’t it? Josette: Maybe. What types of Coverage are available? Tae-jin: You could get insurance to cover Mishaps on the trip, such as cancelled flights or Missed … Читать далее
Mario: I’d like To test drive the new Racer. Leah: Sure, all Prospective buyers can take one of our cars for a test drive. May I see your Driver’s license? Mario: Here it is. Leah: Okay, come with me. Why don’t you get into the Driver’s seat and I’ll get into the Passenger seat? All … Читать далее
Movie theater popcorn apparently costs more per ounce than fillet mignon. You’re probably aware that if you go to the movies these days, you should probably show up well fed. Concession stand snacks and drinks are downright expensive, and if you see a lot of movies, you’ve probably considered sneaking your own into the theater. … Читать далее
Andy: What are you doing? Sita: I’m Running some numbers for the new project. Andy: I thought that was Delia’s Turf. Sita: She’s usually the Go-to person for this type of information, but I need this info right now. Andy: I’d be careful about Stepping on Delia’s toes. She Doesn’t take kindly to people Encroaching … Читать далее
Sonia: What in the world is that?! Nadir: It’s a Life-size figure of George Washington. It’s for Leon’s school project. Sonia: Then why are you making it? Nadir: I’m not. I’m just helping him. Sonia: Uh-huh. Why does George Washington have really big Hands and flat Palms? Nadir: He cut down the family’s cherry tree. … Читать далее
Receptionist: So the meeting is set for 2:00 on Thursday. Do you know how to get to our offices? Asha: No, I don’t. Could you give me Directions? Receptionist: Certainly. We’re located on Main Street. The Cross street is Udall. If you’re taking the freeway, the best Exit to take is Udall East. Once you’re … Читать далее
A Spotify logo is seen as founder and CEO Daniel Ek addresses a press conference in New York, December 11, 2013. The music streaming service, Spotify, unveiled a new ad-based service for mobile and tablet users that will allow access to Spotify’s song catalog for free. Much fuss has been made over the impact of … Читать далее
Shana: Hey, did you hear that? There’s a Severe storm coming. Let’s hope for the best. Aecio: Yeah, I hope it doesn’t leave a lot of damage. We haven’t recovered from the Aftermath of the last big storm. Shana: No, when I said I was hoping for the best, I meant I’m hoping to catch … Читать далее
I was tired of being Single. All of my friends had Paired up and I was Left hanging. Like everybody else these days, I tried using the Internet to find other singles, but I never had any luck. Cruising for my ideal woman among a bunch of Lonely hearts is like looking for a Needle … Читать далее
Mom: It’s your first day at a new school. I’m worried about you. Paul: Mom, I’ll be fine. Mom: Do you have all of your books and Supplies in your Backpack? Oh and I’ve Packed you a lunch already. Paul: You didn’t have to do that, Mom. I was going to buy lunch at school. … Читать далее
Mahmoud: My brother emailed about an Emergency situation. He needs $300 by tomorrow, but how can I get Cash to him within 24 hours if I’m here in Mexico City and he’s in New York? Sharon: That’s easy. You can Wire him the money from here and he can pick it up immediately there. Mahmoud: … Читать далее
Because if you abuse animals, there’s a chance you abuse people, too. The FBI is more serious than ever about tracking those who abuse innocent animals. For the first time ever this year, the FBI will collect data on animal cruelty crimes via its National Incident-Based Reporting System (NIBRS). In doing so, the bureau has … Читать далее
Yves: Help me fill out this Application for our Marriage license. Vanessa: Can’t you do it? I’m really busy with work right now. Do as much as you can and just ask me if you don’t know something. Yves: Okay, I’ll try, but I’m reading through the requirements, and it’s a good idea for both … Читать далее
Sir Christopher was born on May 27 in Belgravia, Westminster, England, the son of the Contessa Estelle Marie and Lieutenant-Colonel Geoffrey Trollope Lee of the 60th King’s Royal Rifle Corps. Lee’s mother was a famous Edwardian beauty who was painted by Sir John Lavery, as well as Oswald Birley and Olive Snell, and was sculpted … Читать далее
Two employees of a New Jersey day care center instigated «Fight Club»-style brawls between the toddlers and shared footage of the pint-sized pugilists on Snapchat, prosecutors said Tuesday. Erica Kenny, 22, and Chanese White, 28, were criminally charged for allegedly staging tussles between kids ages 4 to 6 at Lightbridge Academy, in Cranford. «Approximately a … Читать далее
Ladies and Gentlemen, May I have your attention, please? It is my great Honor to introduce our Guest speaker today. Our speaker is actually a person who Needs no introduction, since she is well known in our field as one of its great Innovators. Edwina Litton has been called a Revolutionary thinker by those in … Читать далее
Darth Vader is one of the most recognizable characters in cinematic history. As the villain of the original Star Wars trilogy, he captivated audiences with his iconic look, voice, and ruthlessness. Years later, his transformation, from the gifted boy Anakin Skywalker to the Sith Apprentice of Darth Sidious, was brought to life in the prequel … Читать далее
By now, J. K. Rowling’s rags-to-riches story is famous. The woman who is now rumored to be worth more than the Queen of England began Harry Potter as a single mother living on welfare. But while her success story is incredible, what’s even more amazing is what Rowling, the first self-made billionaire author in history, … Читать далее
I left my hotel early so I would arrive at the Convention center in time for my Presentation, but the bad traffic made me late. My presentation was supposed to start at 2:00 and it was already 1:55! To make matters worse, I had never been to this convention center before and I didn’t Know … Читать далее
How after the murder of Julius Caesar (15th of March, 44 B. C.) Marcus Antonius (Mark Antony), his friend, and, in virtue of the consulship, chief magistrate, roused the Roman multitude against the assassins by his famous funeral oration is known mainly through the incomparable version given by Shakespeare [Julius Caesar: Act II, Scene 2]. … Читать далее
Vladimir: We need a Ceasefire. The Violence is Escalating and we need to put a stop to this. Hilary: I agree, but do you think our Enemies will agree to a Truce? Vladimir: They’re as Embattled as we are. They may welcome a Suspension of Hostilities until we can agree on a Peace treaty. Hilary: … Читать далее
Lourdes: I need help. Valery: Sure, what’s up? Lourdes: I’m supposed to give a Speech at the start of the conference next month and I don’t know what to do. Valery: It’s not that hard To plan out a speech. You start with an Attention getter using humor or telling a personal story. Lourdes: Okay, … Читать далее
Xavier: Thanks for helping me Decorate my new apartment. Hey, where are you going? Crystal: I’m going to the Bedding department. Now that you have a new bed, you’ll need new bedding. Xavier: Right, okay, but can’t I just get some Sheets, a couple of Pillows, and a Blanket? Crystal: That’s only the beginning. Oh, … Читать далее
I’ve finally Landed my first interview. Well, actually, that’s not really true. I have been on many interviews for Part-time jobs. This was my first interview for a Full-time job. In less than two months, I will graduate from Arizona University. After a lot of Back and forth trying to decide on a Major, I … Читать далее
Pedro: Why are you changing the prices on all of those items in the store? Elisa: Haven’t you heard? There’s a Hurricane coming. People will be Stocking up on Basic necessities. Pedro: I know that, but that still doesn’t explain why you’ve decided To jack up prices. Elisa: There’s nothing wrong with taking advantage of … Читать далее
Jeff: You’re not going to believe what happened? Lucy: Oh, is the big meeting over? What happened? Jeff: Dan tried To take credit for Our idea for the new Campaign. Lucy: You’re kidding me! I thought he might try To pull something Like this, but I didn’t think he’d Have the nerve To do that. … Читать далее
Jermaine: How did the Investor meeting go? Teresa: That meeting has been Postponed until next week. One of the potential investors is out of town. Jermaine: In that case, can you help me with some of this work? Teresa: I would, but I’m busy ordering Stationery right now. Jermaine: Stationery? You’re ordering stationery? Teresa: Yes, … Читать далее
The honeymoon was at its full. There was a flat with the reddest of new carpets, tasselled portieres and six steins with pewter lids arranged on a ledge above the wainscoting of the dining-room. The wonder of it was yet upon them. Neither of them had ever seen a yellow primrose by the river’s brim; … Читать далее