Understanding Men and Women

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1. Problems at the Office Lucy: Hey Jeff, can I Pick your brain for a minute? Jeff: Sure, what’s up? Lucy: Well, I have a Sticky situation at work and I wanted to get your Input. You’re always so Tactful. Jeff: Thanks. I’m not sure I can help but I’ll give you my two cents. Lucy: Well, it’s like this. […]...
2. Taking Credit Jeff: You’re not going to believe what happened? Lucy: Oh, is the big meeting over? What happened? Jeff: Dan tried To take credit for Our idea for the new Campaign. Lucy: You’re kidding me! I thought he might try To pull something Like this, but I didn’t think he’d Have the nerve To do that. […]...
3. Meeting an Out of Town Friend Lucy: Hey Jeff, Have you met my friend? Jeff: No, I don’t think I have. Lucy: Well, this is my Oldest and best friend, Marlene. She’s visiting From out of town. Jeff: Hi, I’m Jeff. Marlene: Hi, iT’s nice meeting you. Jeff: How long do you plan to be in town? Marlene: I’m here for […]...
4. Reaching a Milestone Jeff: Well, we’ve reached a Milestone. Lucy: Yup, it’s been a Long haul, but we’ve finally Made it. Did you ever think we’d get here? Jeff: I admit I had my doubts. At the beginning, I was really Dubious that this Venture would Pan out. I thought that our Prospects were Iffy, At best. Lucy: […]...
5. Teamwork Jeff: So, does that sound okay with you? Lucy: What? Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you said. Jeff: You seem Preoccupied today. What’s up? Lucy: Oh, it’s this guy I know from this class I’m taking. His name is Richard. I think I’ve mentioned him before. Jeff: Yeah, sure, the guy you’re working […]...
6. Asking for and Giving Instructions The supervisor at my work asked me the other day to Help out one of the new employees. She needs some basic Orientation on how to Login to our network. So I made an appointment with her to come to my Cubicle for a little training session. Jeff: Hi, Lucy, how are you Settling in? […]...
7. Diversity at Work Jeff: What were you and Richard talking about earlier? It looked Intense. Lucy: Yeah, Richard said something to me that I Didn’t Appreciate. Jeff: Oh, no. I know how Insensitive he can be. What has he done now? Lucy: He asked me how long it took me to learn English. Jeff: But, you were born […]...
8. A Trip to New York City (The phone rings.) Lucy: Hello. Jeff: Hey Lucy, it’s Jeff. Lucy: Hey, welcome back. How was your vacation? Jeff: Oh, it was great. The seven days in New York was a Blast. Lucy: Oh, yeah? Did you do any sightseeing or just visit with friends? Jeff: I got to do both, actually. First, I saw […]...
9. Перевод слова vacuum Vacuum – вакуум, пустота; пылесосить Перевод слова To live in a vacuum – жить изолированно to fill the vacuum – заполнить пустоту, восполнить пробел vacuum evaporation – испарение в вакууме to vacuum a rug – пылесосить ковер A Vacuum cleaner with a special attachment for dusting rugs. Пылесос со специальной насадкой для чистки ковров. The […]...
10. Disagreeing Politely in a Business Setting Lucy: I don’t think this is going To work. This plan Calls for the new office to open by July and I think that’s too Ambitious. I don’t see how the Groundwork can be done any earlier than September. Jeff: I understand your concern. I don’t want to Rush the opening of the new office […]...
11. Talking About Attractive Men and Women Pamela: You know that your tongue is hanging out of your mouth, right? David: That’s because I’ve never seen so many beautiful women in one place before. Why have I never been to this beach before? Look at her! She’s a Hottie! Pamela: Isn’t that what you said about that woman over there? David: No, […]...
12. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two […]...
13. Перевод слова anniversary Anniversary – годовщина, юбилей Перевод слова Anniversary present – подарок к юбилею anniversary card – поздравление с юбилеем fifth anniversary – пятилетие She forgot all about their Anniversary. Она совсем забыла о своем юбилее. Her absentminded husband forgot their Anniversary. Ее рассеянный муж забыл об их годовщине....
14. Bargaining with a Seller It was Saturday afternoon and I was shopping in the Garment district in downtown L. A. If you want to find good Deals on clothes, shoes, and Accessories, this is the place to come. To get the best deal, though, you have to be ready to bargain. I walked by a Stall and saw a […]...
15. Life is cruel What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful […]...
16. Bargaining with a Seller It was Saturday afternoon and I was shopping in the Garment district in downtown L. A. If you want to find good Deals on clothes, shoes, and Accessories, this is the place to come. To get the best deal, though, you have to be ready to bargain. I walked by a Stall and saw a […]...
17. Having a Best Friend Lucy: I’m so excited! My friend, Marlene, is coming to town for a visit. Buddy: Have I met Marlene? Lucy: No, I don’t think so. We Grew up together and we were always Joined at the hip. Buddy: When I was little, I had a friend like that. We were Blood brothers. Lucy: Yeah, Marlene […]...
18. University courses for men and women Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do […]...
19. For their 25th wedding anniversary For their 25th wedding anniversary, a man decides to take his wife on a trip to France. After two weeks touring France, they return to the airport for the trip back to America. While waiting for the plane, the wife turns to her husband and says, “This was the most wonderful gift I could have […]...
20. Women seeking men “WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds 40-ish means: 48 Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate means: Possessive Artist means: Unreliable Average looking means: You figure this one out Beautiful means: Pathological liar Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile means: […]...
21. Room Service I was staying at a nice resort hotel in Arizona on a short vacation. I had been out on the Golf course playing a Round of golf. When I got back into the room, I was feeling pretty hungry. I was meeting some friends for a late dinner around 8:30. I wanted a Snack. I […]...
22. Talking to the Professor [A knock on the door.] Jeff: Come in. Julie: Hi, Dr. McQuillan, I’m Julie Taylor. I’m in your 2 o’clock class on Thursdays. Jeff: Hi, Julie. Have a seat. What can I do for you? Julie: I wanted to come see you during your Office hours because I Missed class last week. I had a […]...
23. Women’s translations WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want… = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk… = I need to complain Sure…go […]...
24. Топик “International Women’s Day (8 March) / Международный Женский День (8 Марта)” Словарь A present [ˈprez(ə)nt] – подарок To congratulate [kənˈɡrætjʊleɪt] – праздновать To wash up – мыть посуду To celebrate [ˈselɪbreɪt] – праздновать Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] – почти Lay the table [leɪ ðə ˈteɪb(ə)l] – накрывать на стол The 8th of March is a great official holiday for all women. It began in 1909 by women in […]...
25. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, […]...
26. I’ve never understood why women love cats I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]...
27. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
28. A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don’t do wonders […]...
29. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
30. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
31. A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women A fellow was shipwrecked with six lovely women who in a short time were fighting over his attentions. They held a meeting to resolve the problem and decided that each would have his services on a different day of the week, with Sundays off for him. In due time the guy was dragging himself through […]...
32. Перевод слова dawn Dawn – рассвет, заря Перевод слова At the crack of dawn – рано утром, спозаранку at the dawn of civilization – на заре цивилизации from dusk to dawn – от зари до зари The boats set off at Dawn. Лодки отправились на рассвете. The age of computers had Dawned. Наступила эра компьютеров. The truth finally […]...
33. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.” Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?” Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since […]...
34. The Blind Date I Broke up With my boyfriend last month. We had Gone out for a year and I was ready to Settle down. But, I could tell that he still wanted to Play the field before getting married. I don’t think Don ever Cheated on Me, but I finally realized that he wasn’t The Marrying type. […]...
35. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
36. Cleverest women are the heaviest drinkers Those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. A similar link between educational attainment and alcohol consumption is seen among men, but the correlation is less strong. The findings come from a comprehensive study carried out at the London […]...
37. Reserving a Rental Car I will be in Chicago next week and needed a rental car. I called up Bargain Rental Cars and made a Reservation. After I got through the Phone tree, I spoke with a reservation Agent. Agent: Welcome to Bargain Rental Car. Jeff: I’d like to reserve a rental car. Agent: What city will you be […]...
38. Hotel Reservations I just finished a huge project at work and I needed some Down time. I decided to take a short vacation. I liked the idea of a long weekend out of town. My friend Sara offered to let me Crash at her place in San Francisco, but I decided to stay at a hotel instead. […]...
39. Insulting to women The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, Thailand A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. “We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses […]...
40. After the party, as the couple was driving home After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, “Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?” The flattered husband said, “No, dear they haven’t.” The wife yells, “Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?”...