Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks

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1. Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!’. The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I […]...
2. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
3. Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda Two elderly Southern women are sitting on the veranda sipping lemonade and reminiscing about old times. One says to the other, “Darling, do you remember the minuet?” The other replies, “Sweetheart, I can’t even remember the ones I screwed!”...
4. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
5. Three guys are discussing women Three guys are discussing women. “I like to watch a woman’s tits best,” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” He asks the third guy “What about you?”. “Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”...
6. Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins. The first says, “I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men […]...
7. Talking About Attractive Men and Women Pamela: You know that your tongue is hanging out of your mouth, right? David: That’s because I’ve never seen so many beautiful women in one place before. Why have I never been to this beach before? Look at her! She’s a Hottie! Pamela: Isn’t that what you said about that woman over there? David: No, […]...
8. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
9. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially […]...
10. Understanding Men and Women Lucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was […]...
11. Education for women Continuing Education Courses for Women Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His […]...
12. 3 pregnant women were waiting 3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor’s waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies. Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one… “What was that?”, the other two ask, curiously. “Calcium tablet. Good […]...
13. New rules for bowling Supplemental Rules for Bowling If you holler “overs!” before the ball passes the arrows, you get to throw the ball over, unless of course, you get a strike. In which case, you can renege on the “overs”. When your team is about 10 marks down in the 8th or 9th frame, you can invoke the […]...
14. I’ve never understood why women love cats I’ve never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, […]...
15. Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and Bill Clinton are sitting in a helicopter and Bill starts to think. He sits there for about 15 minutes and finally Hillary asks why he is looking so sad. He says, “I just was wondering what I could do for the poor countries.” “Well ” says Chelsea, “you could throw […]...
16. A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have on my shoulder…I’ll sleep with you.” Guy says: “An alligator?” Woman says: “Close enough”...
17. There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lion came by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, “How funny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?” After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbed the lion and […]...
18. The strength of youth A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee […]...
19. Перевод слова slide Slide – скользить, скольжение, двигаться плавно Перевод слова To have a slide on the ice – скользить по льду the bottle slid from his hand – бутылка выскользнула у него из рук to slide downhill on a sledge – съехать с горы на санках to slide away – ускользнуть He Slid with the stolen money. […]...
20. An old man and an old woman were sitting An old man and an old woman were sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their 50th wedding anniversary. The old man said,”You know, 50 years ago, we were probably sitting here buck naked.” The woman said, “Why don’t we try that again?” So they stripped and sat down at the table again. […]...
21. Golf with older man A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee […]...
22. Перевод идиомы go ballistic, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: go ballistic Идиома: go ballistic разг. Перевод: выйти из себя, “взвинтиться”, потерять над собой контроль Пример: When I told Mom I was pregnant she went ballistic. Когда я рассказала маме, что беременна, она взвинтилась...
23. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.” Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?” Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since […]...
24. Значение идиомы grab off [grab off] {v.}, {informal} To take quickly; take or grab beforeanybody else can; choose for yourself. The people who got to theshow first grabbed off the best seats. The women hurried to thestore to grab off the things on sale. The prettiest girls at thedance were grabbed off for partners first. Compare: SNAP UP....
25. An Unusual Ailment A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the […]...
26. Insulting to women The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, Thailand A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. “We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses […]...
27. Топик “International Women’s Day (8 March) / Международный Женский День (8 Марта)” Словарь A present [ˈprez(ə)nt] – подарок To congratulate [kənˈɡrætjʊleɪt] – праздновать To wash up – мыть посуду To celebrate [ˈselɪbreɪt] – праздновать Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] – почти Lay the table [leɪ ðə ˈteɪb(ə)l] – накрывать на стол The 8th of March is a great official holiday for all women. It began in 1909 by women in […]...
28. University courses for men and women Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do […]...
29. Free drinks for everyone One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: “That will be $36.50 please.” The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out. The next […]...
30. Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda of the old folks home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa Rabinowitz rocks forward in his chair and says to Grandma, “Fuck you!” Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa, “Fuck you too!” Grandpa becomes very much excited […]...
31. Who’s got a bigger crotch? There were three women sitting in a bar and they were discussing how much their husbands could get up their crotch. The first women said, “My husband can get his whole hand up me”. The second lady said, “My husband can get his whole head up me”. The third lady slid down the bar stool....
32. Women – Женщины Fat women with flabby, double chins. Moon-faced, pop-eyed women in little flat hats. Women with starchy faces and thin vermilion lips. Man-shy, suspicious women, shrinking into their clothes every time a wet, caressing eye alights upon them. Women soured and robbed of their souls by Christian Endeavour. Women who would probably be members of Conference […]...
33. A substitute for women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked his friend. The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
34. Role of Women in Society Топик Роль женщины в обществе рассказывает о существующей проблеме в российском обществе: месте и роли современной женщины в сегодняшнем мире технологий и прогресса. По данным ООН проблема положения и роли женщины в обществе стоит на втором месте для разрешения после эколого-экономических глобальных вопросов и проблем современности. Сегодняшняя женщина независима во всех сферах жизни, и она […]...
35. A game of golf A man walked into the clubhouse and noticed a friend sitting in a corner wearing a neck brace. He sat down and asked his mate what happened. “Well, I was playing golf and I hit my ball into the rough,” replied his friend. “Then I met a chick who was looking for her ball too. […]...
36. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
37. Значение идиомы ball [ball] See: BASE ON BALLS, CARRY THE BALL, FLY BALL, FOUL BALL, GET THE BALL ROLLING, SET THE BALL ROLLING, START THE BALL ROLLING, GOPHER BALL, GROUND BALL, HAVE A HALL, HAVE SOMETHING ON THE BALL, JUMP BALL, KEEP THE BALL ROLLING, LONG BALL, ON THE BALL, PASSED BALL, PLAYBALL....
38. Cleverest women are the heaviest drinkers Those with degrees are almost twice as likely to drink daily, and they are also more likely to admit to having a drinking problem. A similar link between educational attainment and alcohol consumption is seen among men, but the correlation is less strong. The findings come from a comprehensive study carried out at the London […]...
39. Short gender jokes A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more […]...
40. European Women Yesterday and Today – Европейские женщины вчера и сегодня In the 17th century rich women normally were taught at home by a tutor, they were taught subjects like Latin, French, Needlework and they were also taught how to look pretty and to play the piano and other instruments. When they became older their parents decided who they were going to marry and the family […]...