I’ve never understood why women love cats

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1. Women’s instructions WOMEN’S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. So […]...
2. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
3. Women’s translations WOMEN’S LANGUAGE TRANSLATED Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry. We need… = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now. Do what you want… = You’ll pay for this later. We need to talk… = I need to complain Sure…go […]...
4. Allergic to Cats When I was little, we had a family pet. His name was Jupiter and he was a Kitten. I wanted a cat more than anything else and finally, my parents Gave in and said that we could have one. We went to the Pound and saw dozens of cats of different Breeds. We went from […]...
5. There were two cats that enjoyed running together There were two cats that enjoyed running together. The first cat was english, called One-two-three. The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. One day when they were running they came to a huge river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as far as they could. Which cat drowned? Un-deux-trois cat sank (un […]...
6. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me… They must be gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with […]...
7. Modems beat women Some reasons why a modem is better than a woman: A modem doesn’t ask for a commitment if you use it. Getting a modem to obey you is as simple as typing “AT”. When you’re done using your modem, you can roll over and go to sleep without feeling guilty. A modem won’t say a […]...
8. Try to explain women A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. “Sure,” GOD says, “Go right ahead”. “OK,” the man says. “Why did you make women so pretty?” GOD says, “So you would like them.” “OK,” the guy says. “But how come you […]...
9. Значение идиомы holy cats [holy cats] or [holy cow] or [holy mackerel] or [holy Moses]{interj.}, {informal} – Used to express strong feeling ; used in speech or when writingconversation. “Holy cats! That’s good pie!” said Dick. “Holycow! They can’t do that!” Mary said when she saw the boys hurting amuch smaller boy....
10. Darling, she whispered after they had finished making love “Darling,” she whispered after they had finished making love, “Will you still make love like that to me after we’re married?” He considered this for a moment, and then replied, “I think so. I’ve always been especially fond of married women.”...
11. Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks Three women were sitting at a bar having a few drinks. After a while the conversation started turning a little rude and crass. Soon the women were getting louder and they were arguing about how wide their snatches were. (This happens all the time.) The first woman got up on the bar, lifted her leg, […]...
12. Значение идиомы rain cats and dogs [rain cats and dogs] or [rain buckets] or [rain pitchforks] {v. phr.}, {informal} To rain very hard; come down in torrents. In themiddle of the picnic it started to rain cats and dogs, and everybodygot soaked. Terry looked out of the window and said, “It’s rainingpitchforks, so we can’t go out to play right now.”...
13. Love Love is the best feeling in the world. Love makes the world go round. It is the greatest mystery of all times. If you ask someone “What is love?”, he or she will hardly find enough words to express its meaning. Love can be different. There is love for parents, love for children, love for […]...
14. Перевод идиомы rain cats and dogs, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: rain cats and dogs Перевод: льет, как из ведра (о дожде) Пример: It has been raining cats and dogs all morning. Все утро дождь льет, как из ведра....
15. Пословица / поговорка love me, love my dog – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: love me, love my dog Перевод: любишь меня, люби и мою собаку (т. е. все со мной связанное) Эквивалент в русском языке: кто гостю рад, тот и собачку его накормит Пример: “Love me, love my dog”, the man told his fiance when she asked him to sell his favorite chair which she […]...
16. A Love Letter Vicky: What are you working on? Issac: If I tell you, will you Promise not to laugh? Vicky: All right. What is it? Issac: It’s a Love letter to Julie. Vicky: Isn’t it a little Premature? You’ve only been going out for a month. Issac: Maybe, but I really want her to know how I […]...
17. Finding Love on Valentine’s Day Tony: Another Valentine’s Day! I really hate Valentine’s Day. Chelsea: What’s your problem? Tony: I’m sick of seeing Heart-shaped boxes, Stuffed animals, and Cupid decorations everywhere. Lovey-dovey couples on the street and nothing but Sentimental movies on TV – that’s what I have a problem with. Chelsea: You’re just Jaded because you don’t have a […]...
18. Steven Wright on dogs The other day, I was walking my dog around my building…on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he’s gone. I put contact lenses in my dog’s eyes. They had little pictures of cats on […]...
19. At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women: Defendant: “Your Honor, I wish to change my plea.” Judge: “Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?” Defendant: “No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn’t know there would be women on the jury. Since […]...
20. Love to Death A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments – lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, […]...
21. This is what should happen to ALL CATS! This is what should happen to ALL CATS..! HOW TO WASH THE CAT 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have both lids up. 3. Find the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the […]...
22. Understanding Men and Women Lucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was […]...
23. Insulting to women The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bangkok, Thailand A member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses. “We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses […]...
24. Топик “International Women’s Day (8 March) / Международный Женский День (8 Марта)” Словарь A present [ˈprez(ə)nt] – подарок To congratulate [kənˈɡrætjʊleɪt] – праздновать To wash up – мыть посуду To celebrate [ˈselɪbreɪt] – праздновать Almost [ˈɔːlməʊst] – почти Lay the table [leɪ ðə ˈteɪb(ə)l] – накрывать на стол The 8th of March is a great official holiday for all women. It began in 1909 by women in […]...
25. Life is cruel What women want in a relationship: A handsome, loving professional man who will just love them for who they are. What women get: A fat, balding fart machine who stays with them only because no other woman wants him. What men want in a woman: A combination of Carol Brady and Pamela Lee Anderson; Wonderful […]...
26. Значение идиомы make love [make love] {v. phr.} 1. To be warm, loving, and tender towardsomeone of the opposite sex; try to get him or her to love you too. There was moonlight on the roses and he made love to her in the porchswing. 2. To have sexual relations with. It is rumoredthat Alfred makes love to every […]...
27. The room was full of pregnant women and their partners The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. “Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher. “Walking is especially […]...
28. After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband “Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?” “Yes, she’s dead to!””Was making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?” “Yes, she’s dead to!”...
29. Love means different things to different people В топике Люди по разному относятся к любви – автор старается разобраться, что есть любовь? На Земле миллионы людей и у каждого свое понятие истины, дружбы, ненависти, верности и, конечно, любви. Это чувство описывали поэты и писатели, каждый по-своему. Можно встретить разные определения любви: мудрая, глупая, глубокая, горькая, забавная и др. Некоторые считают, что любовь […]...
30. Значение идиомы puppy love [puppy love] also [calf love] {n.}, {informal} The first love ofvery young people. When John and Mary began going around togetherin junior high school, their parents said it was just puppy love....
31. Перевод слова love Love – любовь, привязанность, влюбленность; любить Перевод слова Love of country – любовь к родине, патриотизм love of gain – корыстолюбие unrequited love – любовь без взаимности love at first sight – любовь с первого взгляда She Loves her husband deeply. Она сильно любит своего мужа. I Love cooking Я люблю готовить. I fell in […]...
32. Talking About Attractive Men and Women Pamela: You know that your tongue is hanging out of your mouth, right? David: That’s because I’ve never seen so many beautiful women in one place before. Why have I never been to this beach before? Look at her! She’s a Hottie! Pamela: Isn’t that what you said about that woman over there? David: No, […]...
33. Conditional Features Uslovnye edinicy the Play About Love – Условные единицы пьеса про любовь Once I was invited to the theatre and I thought: “Oh, you invite me to watch some classical play”, but the answer was the following: “Conditional features, the play about love, it is modern by the way.” It happened in november, the 22nd of november to be exact, at Drama theatre named after I. A. […]...
34. Значение идиомы in love [in love] {adj. phr.} Liking very much; loving. John is in lovewith Helen. Tom and Ellen arc in love. Mary is in love withher new wristwatch....
35. Education for women Continuing Education Courses for Women Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Parties: Going Without New Outfits. Man Management: Discover How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After the Game. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too. Bathroom Etiquette II: His […]...
36. Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde Three women, A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde, all come home from work at the same time and get on the elevator. The brunette notices a blob on the elevator wall and says: ” OOOOOhhh that looks like semen.” She reaches out and touches the blob with her fingers and says “It feels like […]...
37. University courses for men and women Whatsamatta University’s Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required. 1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do […]...
38. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
39. A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, “Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.” The startled groom says “How can that be? You’ve been married twice…” The bride responds… […]...
40. A substitute for women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked his friend. The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...