The Bachelor Diet

Monday

Breakfast — Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth Lunch — Send your secretary out for six «gutbombers» — those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chilli, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. Afternoon Snack — Drink the maalox Dinner — Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don’t eat the coleslaw.

Tuesday

Breakfast — Eat the coleslaw Lunch — Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner — Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho’s.

Wednesday

Breakfast — Jaws couldn’t eat Breakfast after a night at El Flasho’s Lunch — Rolaids and a coke Dinner — Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

Thursday

Breakfast — Order out for pizza Lunch — Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack forleftovers. Dinner — Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

Friday

Breakfast — Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it’s better for you. Lunch — Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder Dinner — Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don’t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

Saturday

Breakfast — Sleep through it. Lunch — Ditto Dinner — Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

Sunday

Breakfast — Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie. Lunch — Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch. Dinner — Chicken noodle soup — Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

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The Bachelor Diet