Elena: How do you like your new job at the Veteran’s Hospital? Wieland: I like it a lot. It’s really Rewarding. Elena: What do you do there, exactly? Wieland: My job is to help Returning vets who have been Physically injured Adjust to living with their Medical disabilities. Elena: You mean people who have lost … Читать далее
I arrived at my friend Karin’s Wedding a little late and the ceremony had already begun. I’ve been to a lot of Civil ceremonies, but it had been a while since I’d attended a religious one. They had asked a Minister To Officiate. When I arrived, Karin and her Fiance, Jan, were standing in front … Читать далее
I read in the Local paper that a new public library had just opened two weeks ago in my neighborhood. I wanted to Check it out. But first, I called the library to check the Hours of operation. The Librarian told me that they were open Monday through Saturday from 10 to 6 so I … Читать далее
Cora: What’s up with Rob? He Hasn’t been himself lately. Doug: You’ve noticed, too, huh? Cora: Yeah, he’s been missing work and letting things Slip through the cracks. I’ve been Cutting him some slack and Filling in for him, but things haven’t improved. Doug: I know what you mean. I’d never known Rob To drop … Читать далее
I went to the dentist to get a Check-up and cleaning. I Showed up at the dentist’s office a few minutes before 10. I gave the receptionist my name and told her that I had a 10 a. m. appointment. She said that the doctor Was running a little latE and that I should take … Читать далее
Sabrina: You look like you’re getting ready for Battle. Ying: In a way, I am. I’m flying home next week to be with my family over the holidays and you know what Holiday travel is like. Sabrina: I’ve flown during Peak travel season before, and now, I try to avoid it At all costs. Ying: … Читать далее
When you cast a major superhero, you have to make sure that you make the right choice, or else face the wrath of the fans. Marvel did wonderfully when they cast Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, and although he was a bit taller than the comic character, Fox hit it out of the park … Читать далее
Autism is being diagnosed more than ever, but that has nothing to do with the number of children who actually have autism. It’s confusing Autism was virtually unheard of back in 1975, when the diagnosis rate was roughly 1 in 5,000. But by 2002, that number had skyrocketed to 1 in 150. By 2012, 1 … Читать далее
I forgot To set my alarm last night and I woke up later than usual. I was Tempted to skip my morning Shave, but I hate having long Stubble all day. I like to be Clean-shaven every day. I’m the kind of guy who gets a Five-o’clock shadow early in the afternoon, so if I … Читать далее
Candace: Hello. Mehdi: Hello, May I speak to Candace Cho, please? Candace: Speaking. Mehdi: Oh, hello Ms. Cho. My name is Mehdi and I’m interested in applying for the job as assistant manager. Your name was listed as the Contact person. Am I calling at a bad time? Candace: No, not at all. I’m the … Читать далее
Anchor: Good evening. I’m Gary Singh and this is the evening news. Tonight, we’ll have a Special report from our Field reporter, Monique Sanders, on the Latest developments In the Eddie Litton court case. And in our Feature segment, we’ll go to Arizona To interview the world’s fattest dog, weighing 210 pounds! We’ll also have … Читать далее
Meet the «Dumb and Dumber» of art crime. Spanish Police have arrested two brothers from Girona, Spain, who attempted to sell a fake Francisco de Goya painting to a purported sheikh, EFE reports. But the «sheikh» was no victim: he paid the pair with photocopied money. The con artists realized they had been tricked when … Читать далее
Nearly all the best and most precious things in the universe you can get for a halfpenny. I make an exception, of course, of the sun, the moon, the earth, people, stars, thunderstorms, and such trifles. You can get them for nothing. Also I make an exception of another thing, which I am not allowed … Читать далее
Facial expressions of emotion are hardwired into our genes, according to a study published today in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The research suggests that facial expressions of emotion are innate rather than a product of cultural learning. The study is the first of its kind to demonstrate that sighted and blind individuals … Читать далее
Danny: Have you been following the Schirru case? Carol: Yeah, I have. I think he’s Guilty. Danny: You’re kidding, right? He’s Innocent and this is a Show trial. The District attorney is conducting a Witch-hunt for his own Political Ambitions. Carol: No, he’s not. It is a High-profile case, but that’s only because he wants … Читать далее
Vanessa: Stop thief! Police Officer: What happened? Vanessa: I just got Mugged. That guy stole my Purse, Jewelry, camera – all of my Valuables! Police Officer: Were you wearing Flashy jewelry and carrying an expensive camera? Those are big Enticements for muggers. Vanessa: I didn’t have anything on that was flashy and I was Minding … Читать далее
Zuly: Hello. Ricardo: Hi, Zuly. How are you? Zuly: Oh, Ricardo, it’s you. I’m doing okay. How are you? Ricardo: I wanted to call and congratulate you on the Birth of your new baby. Zuly: Thanks a lot. Carla was born three weeks ago, and she was 8 pounds, 3 ounces. Ricardo: That’s great! How … Читать далее
June: Wait! You forgot your Sun hat. Wally: I’m not wearing that hat. It looks ridiculous on me. June: It’ll protect you from the sun’s Rays. You’re too Fair to be Outdoors for long without Protection. You don’t want to get another Sunburn. Wally: I’m wearing Sunscreen. I’ll be fine. June: This ChapStick has an … Читать далее
Joyce: Lie down on the floor. Steve: Why? Joyce: I have to practice for my CPR exam tomorrow. I’m taking it so I can get my CPR Certification. Lie down please. Steve: Okay, okay. Now what do I do? Joyce: You just lie there and pretend to be Unresponsive, like you’re in Cardiac arrest. Okay, … Читать далее
Petra: Damn! That didn’t work either. Ken: What are you doing? Petra: I’m trying to pay for a new service I ordered, but the website won’t accept my Credit card as Payment. I even tried my Debit card, but it’s been Rejected, too. Ken: Why don’t you just write a Check and mail it in? … Читать далее
A shepherd-boy, who watched a flock of sheep near a village, brought out the villagers three or four times by crying out, «Wolf! Wolf!» and when his neighbors came to help him, laughed at them for their pains. The Wolf, however, did truly come at last. The Shepherd-boy, now really alarmed, shouted in an agony … Читать далее
Cameron: What did you get for Christmas? James: I got a Box set of my favorite TV show Of all time, the McQ Files. It Contains all five Seasons of the show, Deleted scenes, and Outtakes. I can’t wait to watch it all! Cameron: Didn’t you see the entire series when it was shown on … Читать далее
Angelica: Oh sorry, what was I saying? I Lost my train of thought. Yann: You were telling me about the book you’re reading. Angelica: Oh, yeah. I must have had one of those Senior moments. Yann: Welcome to the club. That’s what happens when you’re Over-the-hill like we are. Angelica: We’re not over the hill! … Читать далее
In the year of our Lord 66, the Emperor Nero, being at that time in the twenty-ninth year of his life and the thirteenth of his reign, set sail for Greece with the strangest company and the most singular design that any monarch has ever entertained. With ten galleys he went forth from Puteoli, carrying … Читать далее
After his recent 26-page profile in the New Yorker, Paul Haggis is the new public-face of the anti-Scientology movement. But he’s far from the first celebrity to stick it to Scientology. Let’s take a look at some other famous people who aren’t down with the L. Ron. With his recent 26-page profile in the New … Читать далее
Tania: What time is your meeting with Ted? James: It’s at 3:00. Why? Tania: You don’t seem worried. If I were being Accused of Misconduct and Up for disciplinary action, I’d be On edge. James: It was a Minor offense. I’m sure I’ll just get a Slap on the wrist. Tania: I heard about it … Читать далее
The apartment manager asked all of the tenants to come to a short meeting to learn about Fire safety. I didn’t want to go, but the manager said that there would be free food, and who am I To turn down free pizza? … Apartment manager: Thank you all for coming to this meeting about … Читать далее
Elizabeth: You’re Full of it! Leo: I’m telling you the God’s honest truth. Why would I eat the last piece of cake when I know that you Had your heart set on it? Elizabeth: That’s the question, isn’t it? Why would you Go behind my back and eat it, and then try To put one … Читать далее
Sweets-lovers have been dipping in to the ice cream of the future since 1988. It’s tasty (candy bar crunch? Yes please!), educational (this is what happens when you play with liquid nitrogen, kids!) and, er, well-rounded. Read on to learn more. 1. YOU HAVE SCIENCE TO THANK FOR THIS FUN DESSERT. In 1987, Curt Jones … Читать далее
June: Did you get an Invitation to Kelly’s party? Roberto: Yes, I did. I’m going To send my regrets. How about you? June: I’m trying to find an Excuse not To attend, without Kelly Taking offense. Roberto: Couldn’t you just tell her that you Have another engagement that night? June: I used that little White … Читать далее
Missy: Okay, let’s sort this Stack of applications into three Piles: good Candidates, those Worth a second look, and definite “no’s.” Jonathan: Well, that didn’t take long. With this poor economy, I thought we’d get An embarrassment of riches, but these applications are pretty Pathetic. I only see two of these people as employee Material. … Читать далее
Joel: You Don’t look so hot. Are you okay? Beatrice: I’m Perfectly fine. Joel: Oh, and you’re Grouchy, too. Don’t tell me. You’re Dieting again. Beatrice: Just leave me alone. I’m not Popping pills or anything like that. I’m just trying To shed a few Pounds the natural way. Joel: The natural way? You mean … Читать далее
Lee: What are you reading? Stan: It’s a Graphic novel. Lee: Graphic novel? You mean a Comic book? I thought you were too old for that sort of thing. Stan: For your information, this is a graphic novel and it’s a Literary art form. Graphic novels are written for Mature audiences, not kids. Lee: Really? … Читать далее
Dylan: Here. Yvonne: What’s this? Dylan: It’s information about a job-training program. It’ll give you the skills you need to get Steady work. Yvonne: I don’t need that. I Get by with the Wages I earn from this job. Dylan: You’re in a Dead-end job straining to make ends meet every month. Yvonne: I’ve always … Читать далее
Charlotte: Mmm, something smells good. Mohamed: Hey, put down that Lid! Charlotte: Sorry, I just wanted to see what you’re making. Mohamed: I’m making chicken Soup. Charlotte: I’m really in the mood for a Hearty stew. There’s nothing more Appetizing on a cold day than a good stew. Mohamed: Right, well, this is a simple … Читать далее
Jordan: Excuse me, my girlfriend was brought into the hospital about two hours ago, but I can’t find her. Admissions Clerk: Why was she brought into the hospital? Jordan: I’m not sure. I got a call from her coworker, but she didn’t give me any details. Admissions Clerk: If it weren’t an accident, then she … Читать далее
It took nearly six months but the General Medical Council (GMC) in the U. K. has pulled Dr. Andrew Wakefield’s license to practice medicine in the United Kingdom. Wakefield is the researcher who nearly single-handedly fueled parental concerns about the link between vaccines and autism. In 1998, he published a paper in the medical journal … Читать далее
My boss asked me To come up with some Holiday promotion ideas so that we can make Inroads into the Gift-buying market. For us to stay competitive, our company has to increase Retail sales For this important Sales cycle. My boss is expecting some Innovative ideas from me. Since we’re an online business and not … Читать далее
Mikhail: What’s all this? Carol: It’s Open enrollment at my company and I’m thinking of Switching health plans. I have an HMO right now and I’m thinking of switching to a PPO. That way, I can see doctors outside of my current Network and still be covered. Mikhail: I’m so glad I don’t have to … Читать далее
Since our office reorganization, I’ve been sharing an office with Isabel. We’ve been Getting on each other’s nerves. Pete: Hey, Isabel, can you Cut that out? Isabel: Cut what out? I’m not doing anything. Pete: You’re tapping your pencil on your desk. It’s Driving me crazy. Isabel: Okay, I will if you’ll stop Slurping your … Читать далее
Magdalena: Thanks for meeting with me today. I’ve read through the materials your company sent me, but I still have some questions about opening a Franchise. Phil: That’s what I’m here for. What questions can I answer for you? Magdalena: Well, I’m familiar with the Franchise fee, but are there Recurring fees not listed in … Читать далее
Go ahead and add «Breaking Bad superfan» to the list of things you and Sir Anthony Hopkins have in common. In a rather incredible fan letter that was shared over the weekend by Breaking Bad actor Steven Michael Quezada (DEA agent Steven Gomez), a person claiming to be Hopkins could barely contained his gushing as … Читать далее
Anya: I don’t know how I’m going to get all of this work done before I go on vacation. Estevan: What you need to do is To delegate. Stop being a Control freak and get other people to help you with your work. Anya: I’ve tried to delegate before, but I Ended up having To … Читать далее
Last week, I Got a wake-up call. One of my oldest friends from high school died suddenly in an accident, leaving no Will. With no Estate planning at all, his Assets went into Probate and his Dependents were left In limbo. My friend was a young man, the same age as me. At our age, … Читать далее
Mom: Hold it right there. Put that candy bar down. Justin: Mom, I just wanted a snack To tide me over. Mom: Don’t you remember what Dad said about this family’s need to improve our level of Fitness? Justin: Only old people have to worry about getting fat. Mom: It’s not just about getting fat. … Читать далее
On my way home from work, I stopped at the Supermarket. My doctor has been telling me to eat more Fresh fruits and vegetables, so I finally decided to follow her advice. I Resolved to eat better, so I could feel better. I Made a beeline for the Produce department. First, I looked at some … Читать далее
Jonas: How’s your new job? Crystal: It’s not a job Exactly. It’s an Internship. Jonas: Oh, so you’re working as somebody’s Lackey and getting paid a Pittance. Crystal: No, not exactly. I’m doing a lot of Scut work and I’m not getting paid a lot, but I’m getting very valuable On-the-job experience. Jonas: Sure you … Читать далее
Julia: Aren’t you nervous about your Surgery next week? Hugh: No, it’s a Routine procedure. I don’t even need To be admitted overnight. Julia: But aren’t you going under General anesthesia? It’s not the same as Local anesthesia, you know. Hugh: Yes, I know. This is an Out-patient procedure. If the doctors don’t think I … Читать далее
Lorenzo: Have you bought a new television yet? Katia: No, I’m still looking at Consumer reviews and Weighing my options. I’m not sure yet what size I want or what features I need. I’m Keeping my options open for now. Lorenzo: I thought your old TV stopped working three weeks ago. You still haven’t Made … Читать далее
Sheila: Where are you going? Rudy: I’m going to the Video store to rent a movie for tonight. Do you want to come? Sheila: You don’t need to do that. We can watch nearly any movie you want Online. Rudy: Oh, you mean we can pay To download it? Sheila: Yeah, we can download it, … Читать далее