Wrong card

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1. A peculiar birthday card This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. She asks the clerk if they have any new and different cards – something unusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day – “Happy Birthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.” The blonde replied, “How cool! I’ll take […]...
2. Значение идиомы card [card] See: CREDIT CARD, FLASH CARD, HOUSE OF CARDS, IN THE CARDS or ON THE CARDS, LAY ONE’S CARDS ON THE TABLE, PLAY ONE’S CARDS RIGHT, PUT ONE’S CARDS ON THE TABLE, STACK THE CARDS, TRUMP CARD....
3. Перевод слова card Card – карточка, пластиковая карта, открытка, визитка Перевод слова Credit card – кредитная карта greeting card – поздравительная открытка postal card – почтовая карточка, открытка That’s the Card. Вот это именно то, что нужно. Let’s play Cards. Давайте играть в карты. Can I pay by credit Card? Могу ли я заплатить кредитной картой?...
4. Значение идиомы bingo card [bingo card] {n.}, {slang} A response card, bound into a periodical, containing numbers keyed to editorial or advertising matter, giving the reader the opportunity to send for further information by marking the numbers of the items he is interested in; such a card can be mailed free of charge. Jack thinks he is saving time […]...
5. Значение идиомы flash card [flash card] {n.} A card with numbers or words on it that is usedin teaching, a class. The teacher used flash cards to drill theclass in addition....
6. Ways to Pay I was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I […]...
7. Ways to Pay I was at the store, and when the clerk finished Ringing me up, I had a few problems. Clerk: Your total comes to $79.42. Peter: Do you take Credit cards? Clerk: Yes, we take Visa, MasterCard, and American Express. Peter: Here’s my Visa. Clerk: Hmm…I’m sorry but your card has been Declined. Peter: Oh, I […]...
8. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.” “What is your current name?” asked the clerk. “Martin Arsehole,” replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said “I […]...
9. Значение идиомы card up one’s sleeve [card up one’s sleeve] {n. phr.}, {informal} Another help, plan, or argument kept back and produced if needed; another way to do something. John knew his mother would lend him money if necessary, but he kept that card up his sleeve. Bill always has a card up his sleeve, so when his first plan failed […]...
10. Riding the Subway Misha: I’d like to buy a Token for the Subway. Clerk: The subway doesn’t use tokens anymore. Misha: Oh? I didn’t know that. It’s been a few years since I visited New York. How do I pay for the Fare? Clerk: You can buy a ticket for a Single ride that Expires two hours after […]...
11. Значение идиомы in the cards [in the cards] also [on the cards] {adj. phr.}, {informal} To beexpected; likely to happen; foreseeable; predictable. It was in thecards for the son to succeed his father as head of the business. John finally decided that it wasn’t in the cards for him to succeedwith that company....
12. Значение идиомы trump card [trump card] {n.} Something kept back to be used to win success ifnothing else works. The coach saved his star pitcher for a trumpcard. Mary had several ways to get Joan to come to her party. Hertrump card was that the football captain would be there....
13. Значение идиомы Christmas card [Christmas card] {n.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon} A speeding ticket. Smokey just gave a Christmas card to the eighteen wheeler we passed....
14. Значение идиомы drawing card [drawing card] {n.} The most important figure in a multi-person event; the top entertainer during a show; the best professor or researcher at a university, etc. During the concert series Barbra Streisand was the biggest drawing card....
15. Spell it Woman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please. Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before? Woman: *cough* No. Clerk: Then I need your address. Woman: Okay. It’s 260..*AHEM* Sorry..Laryngitis… Clerk: You’ll have to spell that one for me....
16. The Gift After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked. “Cash,” I snapped. […]...
17. Returning a DVD Player I bought a new DVD player last weekend. When I got home and Hooked it up, I realized that it was Defective. I Trudged back to the store to return it. Clerk: Next, please. Jeff: Hi, I bought this DVD player last Saturday and I’d like to Return it. Clerk: What’s the reason for the […]...
18. Returning a DVD Player I bought a new DVD player last weekend. When I got home and Hooked it up, I realized that it was Defective. I Trudged back to the store to return it. Clerk: Next, please. Jeff: Hi, I bought this DVD player last Saturday and I’d like to Return it. Clerk: What’s the reason for the […]...
19. Перевод сленгового выражения wild card, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: wild card Перевод: “дикая карта” – непредсказуемый, непредвиденный фактор; неожиданное событие, обстоятельство; неожиданность, случайность Пример: A surprise witness proved to be the wild card at the trial. На слушаниях неожиданный свидетель оказался непредвиденным фактором....
20. During the World War II During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down […]...
21. There was three guys, one with a rubber There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with […]...
22. A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for […]...
23. Checking into a Hotel I Flew into Atlanta the afternoon before a Big meeting. I Hailed a taxi at the airport and told the driver the name of the hotel. I asked him How long it would take to get there. He said it would only be 20 minutes. I sat back and relaxed. We got to the hotel […]...
24. A technical bastard A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, […]...
25. Перевод идиомы card up one’s sleeve, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: card up one’s sleeve Перевод: припрятанный козырь, карта в рукаве; довод, аргумент, план, намерение, которое будет использовано в будущем в случае необходимости Пример: I think that our boss has a card up his sleeve and he will be able to help us later. Думаю, у нашего начальника есть на руках пара козырей, и потом […]...
26. Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and Charlie was in a bar and three babes came up and started hitting on him. He asked if they wanted to come over to his house later. They agreed to come over at after they went home and got ready. Charlie had a friend who worked in a drugstore, so he went to see him. […]...
27. Card games A cleaning woman was applying for a new position. When asked why had she left her previous employment, she replied, “Yes, sir, they paid good wages, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. Last night they played a game called Bridge and a lot of folks were there. As I was about […]...
28. A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo A guy was driving down the road in his Yugo during a thunder storm, when his windshield wiper broke. He drives until he comes to an auto body shop. He goes into the shop, walks up to the counter and says, “Excuse me, but could you give me a windshield wiper for my Yugo?” The […]...
29. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
30. After working together for a while After working together for a while, Dick and Jane’s office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says […]...
31. Free meat It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the […]...
32. Another ethnic joke A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, “What a Pollack.” The Polish man said, “I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew.” […]...
33. A woman asks the hardware store clerk “Do you have any batteries?” a woman asks the hardware store clerk. “Yes, m’am.” The clerk gestures with his finger. “Can you come this way?” “If I could come that way,” the woman says, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”...
34. There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment. One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store. He went up to the shop assistant and asked “Could I have a fucket please?” The assistant asked”Pardon sir?”. “Can I have a fucket please?” Replied the man. […]...
35. A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with “WWJD” printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for […]...
36. The Barber Shop This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a […]...
37. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, “Do you know what I’m doing?” “Yes,” she replied, […]...
38. Two AA batteries Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, “Come this way,” and heads towards the back of the store. “If I could come that way,” she tells the retreating clerk, “I wouldn’t need the batteries.”...
39. Interviewing crazy A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. “Tell me,” said he, “if we release you, as we […]...
40. Slight confusion One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,”Honey, can you go over […]...