The Irish Virus

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1. The WORK virus There is a new virus. The code name is WORK. If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take five friends and […]...
2. Перевод слова virus Virus – вирус Перевод слова Virus disease – вирусное заболевание anti-virus software – антивирусное ПО masked virus – скрытый вирус rabid virus – вирус бешенства Your computer has been infected with a Virus. Ваш компьютер заражен вирусом. There are many different strains of flu Virus. Имеется много штаммов вируса гриппа. Hackers are said to have […]...
3. Virus Alert There is a very dangerous virus going around and it is propogated through the email system. If you get an email message with the subject: “VIRUS ALERT!” do not open the mail message. If you do, the virus scrambles the second half of every text file on your system. VERY IMPORTANT: If you do get […]...
4. Short Irish Jokes Q: Did you hear about the Irish abortion clinic? A: It has a 12 month waiting list. Q: What’s long & green & has a low I. Q.? A: A St. Patrick’s Day Parade Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? A: Regular rocks are too heavy. Q: Why can’t you borrow […]...
5. Перевод слова delete Delete – удалять, стирать Перевод слова To delete a word – вычеркнуть слово to delete a file – удалить файл delete as appropriate – ненужное вычеркнуть Delete this name from the list. Удали это имя из списка. Press control, alt, Delete to log on to the computer. Нажмите клавиши Ctrl, Alt, Delete для входа в […]...
6. Is Windows a Virus? No, Windows is not a virus. Here’s what viruses (viri?) do: 1. They replicate quickly – okay, Windows does that. 2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so – okay, Windows does that. 3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk – okay, Windows does […]...
7. Types of computer viruses Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple. Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore. Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years. Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back. AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are […]...
8. Irish Laughs Casey married a rich widow, but they didn’t get along. One day she said to him, “If it wasn’t for my money, that new television wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, that grand piano wouldn’t be here. If it wasn’t for my money, this house wouldn’t be here.” Casey mumbled, “If it […]...
9. Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I’ve been having some problems lately. I’ve been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I’ve tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won’t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode […]...
10. Irish Pub Jokes Murphy won the Irish Sweepstakes $100,000.00 and was on a long holiday in America. He went on a bus tour and traveled for hours and hours through desert country and oil fields. Murphy said, “Where are we now?” The guide said, “We’re in the great state of Texas.” “It’s a big place,” said Murphy. The […]...
11. Irish and America The American connection is based on such enormous numbers of Irish men and women making their way to the New World for so many different reasons that nobody is quite sure of the actual numbers involved. It is estimated that in the period between 1717 and 1775 something like a quarter of a million Ulstermen […]...
12. The Latest Breaking News on the GoodTimes Virus It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all. Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator’s coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all […]...
13. The Irish Music Топик Ирландская музыка расскажет о красивой ирландской музыке. Народ Ирландии очень музыкален, любит петь, танцевать и сочинять музыку. Арфа – один из самых любимых музыкальных инструментов, а самым знаменитым арфистом в 17-ом веке был слепой музыкант О’Каролан. Первые ноктюрны были написаны также ирландцем – Джоном Филдом, учеником Клементи. Все знают творчество ирландской рок-группы U2. Многие […]...
14. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked “Can i help you sir?” Our man said “Yes, I would like to change my name.” “What is your current name?” asked the clerk. “Martin Arsehole,” replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said “I […]...
15. Funny Jokes about the Irish The Boston taxi driver backed into the stationary fruit stall and within seconds he had a cop beside him. “Name?” “Brendan O’Connor.” “Same as mine. Where are you from?” “County Cork.” “Same as me……” The policeman paused with his pen in the air. “Hold on a moment and I’ll come back and talk about the […]...
16. Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates Could this herald the return of our resident wise man, Cunning Lin Gus? Three Irish women were discussing their respective mates over tea. “I call my man ‘Eight,’ ” said the first woman, “Because he’s got eight inches, and we do it eight times a day.” The second woman said in response, “I call my […]...
17. An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork…Have you actually ever tasted it? The Rabbi said, “I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd […]...
18. There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” The priest said, “Confess your sins and be forgiven.” The young woman said, “Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.” The priest thought long and hard […]...
19. Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, “Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me.” The Father said, “Tell me who […]...
20. Don’t arrest the judge A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, “Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn’t be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?” “That it is, “Irish […]...
21. Irish marriage jokes Paddy was an inveterate drunkard. The priest met him one day, and gave him a strong lecture about drink. He said, “If you continue drinking as you do, you’ll gradually get smaller and smaller, and eventually you’ll turn into a mouse.” This frightened the life out of Paddy. He went home that night, and said […]...
22. Funny Humor about the Irish This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of […]...
23. Clean Jokes about the Irish Murphy said to his daughter, “I want you home by eleven o’clock.” She said, “But Father, I’m no longer a child!” He said, “I know, that’s why I want you home by eleven.” MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O’Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on […]...
24. Перевод слова honor Honor – слава, почет, честь Перевод слова To honor a request – выполнять просьбу word of honor – слово чести honor camp – амер. лагерь для “почетных заключенных” I pledge my Honor. Клянусь своей честью. “We plead guilty, Your Honor.” “Мы признаем свою вину, Ваша Честь.” I pledge that I will Honor my wife. Я […]...
25. Jokes about the Stupid Irish A man is driving along in the Irish countryside, when he comes to a petrol station, since he’s in need of petrol, the man decides to stop. He says to the attendant at the station, “Fill it up, will you?”. The man says “Sorry – we’re right out of petrol.” So the man considers, and […]...
26. Organizing Your Office I have a very Disorganized office. My co-workers have been making jokes about my office for a long time, and my boss finally Cracked down on me. He told me: “Get the office organized by Friday – no excuses!” What choice did I have? I’ve always been a Pack rat. I hate to throw anything […]...
27. Значение идиомы in honor of [in honor of] {prep.} As an honor to; for showing respect or thanksto. We celebrate Mother’s Day in honor of our mothers. The citydedicated a monument in honor of the general....
28. Work this out THIS IS SCARY BUT IT REALLY WORKS. DON’T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!!! It only takes 30 seconds. Work this out as you read. Don’t read the bottom until you have worked it out.!!! 1. First of all, pick the number of days a week that you would like to go out to dinner. 2. […]...
29. Chain Letter Type IV As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends. Friends – A friend is someone who is always at your side, – A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog, – A friend is someone who likes you […]...
30. A hearty breakfast A man goes into a greasy spoon-type cafe and he says, “I would like one of your special full English breakfasts”. “No problem.” Comes the greasy little fat girls reply from behind the counter. “But I want it MY way.” says the man. “What do you mean your way?” comes the reply. The man says, […]...
31. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
32. BMW thinks of everything On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the […]...
33. Disposing of Sensitive Documents Marcus: All right, let’s get started. These documents won’t Sort themselves. Rebecca: I really don’t think sorting through documents is the best use of my time. Can’t the company find an Intern to do this? Marcus: We have Confidential information in these files and unless we want a Security breach, only people who are Authorized […]...
34. Перевод слова list List – список, перечень; составлять список Перевод слова On a list – по списку to head a list – стоять первым в списке to browse through the list – просматривать список to skip through the list – пробежаться по списку She was third on the List. Она была третьей по списку. He was X’d off […]...
35. Top 15 Household Pet Dishes 15> Angelfish Cake 14> Hamster and Cheese on Rye 13> Chow Chow Mein 12> Bran Muffy 11> Eggs BenjiDict 10> Yorkieshire pudding 9> Shih-Tzu Kabobs 8> Potbelly Pig in a Blanket 7> Shrimp Cockatiel 6> Fettucine AlFido 5> Chicken Poodle Soup 4> Turtlellini 3> Lhasa Thermidor 2> Rex-Mex Enchihuahuas 1> I’ll-Teach-You-to-Piss-On-My-Pillow Persian Pancakes [ This […]...
36. Back in the good ole days in Texas Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker kept eyeing […]...
37. Перевод слова actual Actual – фактический, реальный Перевод слова Actual data – фактические данные, реальные данные actual immunity – реальный, фактически действующий иммунитет actual intent – действительное намерение I’m not joking. Those were his Actual words. Я не шучу. Таковы были его слова. The Actual turnout was over one million a year. Реальный объем выпускаемой продукции составил больше […]...
38. Uh-Oh!! The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the “other man”. The husband convinced himself that his would still be a loving and trustworthy marriage had […]...
39. Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien Civilization… Simply send 6 x 10 to the 50 atoms of Hydrogen to the Star System at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your Star System at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other Star Systems. Within […]...
40. Перевод слова forward Forward – передний, передовой; вперед, дальше; способствовать, ускорять, пересылать Перевод слова To go forward – продолжать from this time forward – с этого времени (впредь) forward movement – прогрессивное движение to forward a plan – продвигать проект We put our watches Forward by 2 hours. Мы перевели наши часы на 2 часа вперед. Please Forward […]...