A bad habit

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1. Перевод слова habit Habit – привычка, обыкновение, склонность Перевод слова To grow into a habit – входить в привычку to fall into bad habits – приобретать дурные привычки a habit of mind – склад ума Habit grows on a person. Привычка овладевает человеком. Soon she returned to her old Habit. Вскоре она возвратилась к своей старой привычке. Jeff […]...
2. Значение идиомы creature of habit [creature of habit] {n. phr.} A person who does things out of habit rather than by thought. Our boss is a creature of habit, so let us not confuse him with too many new ideas....
3. Значение идиомы fall into the habit of [fall into the habit of] {v. phr.} To develop the custom of doingsomething. Jack has fallen into the bad habit of playing poker forlarge sums of money every night....
4. A kind of sport A guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He’s laying in bed for a few minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, “What the hell was that?” He replies, “Touchdown, I am […]...
5. A guy was trying to console a friend A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife in bed with another man. “Get over it, buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.” “It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed […]...
6. Silent treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and […]...
7. I think I try a nicer approach Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night. He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let […]...
8. Play doctor Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?” “Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for […]...
9. It’s not a big deal, but it feels good A man comes home from work one day and he says to his wife: “Honey, I got a new secretary. And imagine what happened! She’s got a red and white bra. You know, these are the colors of my favorite football team. Anyway, it’s not a big deal but it feels good.” The next day […]...
10. Breaking Bad Habits Counselor: Welcome everybody. You’ve all joined this Support group because you have some Bad habits that you’d like To break. Would anyone like to introduce themselves and tell us about their bad habit? Stu: Uh yeah, I’m Stu and my wife Signed me up for this support group because she says I have some really […]...
11. A hundred dollars A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. “Out drinking again!?” she says. “How much money did you spend this time?” “$100,” answers the man. “$100!” she shouts. “That’s ridiculous, spending that much in one night!” “Easy for you […]...
12. Marriage quotes 11 My other wife is beautiful. My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it. My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them. My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him! My wife says if I go fishing one […]...
13. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
14. A painful adjustment Adjusting to marriage sometimes poses some unexpected problems. But when I came upon a friend of mine in a bar the night after his wedding, I had ask exactly what he was doing there instead of with his new bride. “Well, you see, this morning when I got up,” he said, “I was barely awake […]...
15. Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, “Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life.” “What happened?” asks Birnbaum. Goldstein moans, “My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went […]...
16. An affair with the horse Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with […]...
17. A blind man is standing at the corner A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice herringbone tweed trousers. The guy immediately reaches into his jacket pocket and retrieves a doggie biscuit which he starts to offer to Fido. […]...
18. Trust thy friend The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. “Was it my friend Sam”, he demanded. “No!” his weeping wife replied. “Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked. “NO!!!” she said […]...
19. Man goes to see the Rabbi Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning […]...
20. A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored […]...
21. The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning The new Vicar was up early one Sunday morning, walking round his new parish, after leaving his wife in bed with the Sunday papers, her cup of tea, and a pack of cigarettes. One of the old villagers came up to him and said. “Good morning Vicar, how be you and the wife?” The Vicar […]...
22. A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
23. An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, “I gladdened seven hearts today.” “Seven hearts?” asks the friend. “How did you do that?” The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, “I performed three marriages.” The friend looks at him quizically. “Seven?” he asks. “I could understand six, […]...
24. These two guys are car pooling home from work one day These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on someone’s front lawn. “Look”, he shouts “What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?” The […]...
25. Being an Early or Late Riser Spiro: Hey, Watch out! Nancy: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there. I thought I would be the only person Up at the crack of dawn. What are you doing sitting on the Stoop at this Ungodly hour? Spiro: I’m trying To turn over a new leaf. Nancy: What do you mean? Spiro: I’m […]...
26. A man sat quietly reading his morning paper A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand. Man: “What was that for?” Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with “Daisy” written on it?” Man: “Oh honey, […]...
27. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
28. Wife-taming method Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. […]...
29. Once some boys got together to play poker Once some boys got together to play poker one night, after about 4 hours of playing, Tim had severe chest pains and suddenly slumped over, one of the gamblers who happened to be a doctor, examined him, and to everybodies shock, poor Tim had died of a heart attack. All his friends didn’t know how […]...
30. All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband All of a sudden, the wife smacks her husband. The husband was totally dumfounded and asks, “What was that for?” Wife said, “Because, you are a bad fuck”. Couple of minutes later, the husband smacks his wife. This time, the wife was confused and asked, “And may I ask what’s that about?” Husband said, ” […]...
31. A blond at a party was telling her friend A blond at a party was telling her friend that she was off men for life. “They lie, they cheat and they’re just no good. From now on when I want sex, I’m going to use my vibrator” “So, what when the batteries run out?” asked her friend “I’ll just fake an orgasm like always.”...
32. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
33. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
34. Amusing Jokes about the Irish Mrs. Ryan, a mean looking woman, claimed her husband was not thoughtful. In this she was wrong; her husband thought about her too much. One morning on his way to work, he thought about her so much that he got off the subway at 34th Street and went to the Greyhound Terminal and took a […]...
35. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
36. Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be Mr. Schwatrz goes to meet his new son-in-law to be, Sol. He says to Sol (who is very religious), “So nu, tell me Sol, my boy, what do you do? “I study the Torah,” he replies. “But Sol, you are going to marry my daughter, how are going to feed and house her?” “No problem,” […]...
37. Buying a chainsaw This fellow is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws. The dealer tells him, “Look, I have a lot of models, but why don’t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line […]...
38. The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife The 75 year old man and his young, knockout wife were shopping in an upscale jewelry boutique when the man’s oldest friend bumped into him. Eyeing the curvaceous blonde bending over the counter to try on a necklace, the friend asked “How in the hell did YOU land a wife like that?” The old man […]...
39. Having the equipment A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar […]...
40. It just kills my appetite A woman asks her husband if he’d like some breakfast. “Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?” she asks. He declines. “It’s this Viagra,” he says, “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. “A bowl of […]...