Once some boys got together to play poker

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1. Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Rippington, who […]...
2. Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age Little Johnny was 7 years old, and like other boys his age, rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about courting from other boys and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his questions to his mother, and she became flustered. Instead of explaining things to […]...
3. Значение идиомы drop dead [drop dead] {v.}, {slang} To go away or be quiet; stop bothering someone. – Usually used as a command. “Drop dead!” Bill told his little sister when she kept begging to help him build his model airplane. When Sally bumped into Kate’s desk and spilled ink for the fifth time, Kate told her to drop […]...
4. Good news Hiram answers the telephone, and it’s an emergency room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on a respirator the rest of her life.” […]...
5. The bad news and the good news Harry answers the telephone, and it’s an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, “Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for […]...
6. The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: “The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem.” Timmy: ” I know what it is, it’s an apple.” Teacher: “That’s right, I like the way […]...
7. A serious condition A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said […]...
8. Golf lessons A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, “No no, no, you’re gripping the club way too hard!” “Well, what should I do?” asks […]...
9. A regular Friday night poker game A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from the bathroom with an urgent report. “Roger, listen,” he told the host, “Walter’s in the kitchen making love to your wife.” “OK, that’s it, guys,” Roger said. “This is positively the last deal.”...
10. Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed Little Johnny’s dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a condom about to give his wife some. Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says, “Whatcha doin’ Daddy?” Johnny’s dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the floor. “Oh, I’m just […]...
11. A guy was trying to console a friend A guy was trying to console a friend who’d just found his wife in bed with another man. “Get over it, buddy,” he said. “It’s not the end of the world.” “It’s all right for you to say,” answered his buddy. “But what if you came home one night and caught another man in bed […]...
12. Перевод слова gently Gently – мягко, нежно, легко, осторожно Перевод слова To speak gently – говорить ласково to stroke gently – нежно поглаживать to put down gently – осторожно опустить He Gently tweaked her nose. Он слегка потрепал ее за нос. He clasped her hand Gently. Он нежно сжал ее руку. He Gently chided the boy. Он мягко […]...
13. Play doctor Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?” “Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for […]...
14. Little Johnny was late for school Little Johnny was late for school. When he finally got there his teacher asked, “Why are you late little Johnny?” Johnny replied, “My grandpa got burnt, Miss.” The teacher replied, “I hope it wasn’t too bad.” Then little Johnny said, “Don’t worry, the crematorium doesn’t muck around!”...
15. Love thy Neighbor The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had […]...
16. Little Johny being literal Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dad’s do for a living. Little Mary says: “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.” Little Jack says: “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.” All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. […]...
17. Пословица / поговорка boys will be boys – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: boys will be boys Перевод: мальчишки есть мальчишки (т. е. не стоит осуждать мальчиков, юношей или мужчин за авантюризм, озорство или шум, гам, потому что такова их природа) Пример: Boys will be boys and the two brothers always come home very dirty. Мальчишки есть мальчишки, и двое братьев всегда приходят домой очень […]...
18. Little Johnny tried out for the school play Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice: “Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I’ll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare.” Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. […]...
19. Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom Little Johnny walked into his dad’s bedroom one day only catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of fucking his wife. Johnny’s father in attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little […]...
20. The last words A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, “My father’s dead, Miss.” “Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?” “He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed.”...
21. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F. F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E. F.” Out on the highway, he […]...
22. Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he’d done so well during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give him an oral exam to make up for the test he’d missed. The principal agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the oral test. First […]...
23. Someone really stinks A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, “Now how can I tell my wife that I’ve got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I’ve managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she’s […]...
24. Перевод сленгового выражения drop dead, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: drop dead Перевод: уходить, проваливать, убираться (часто в повелительной форме) Пример: I told my brother to drop dead when he came into my room and now he is angry at me. Я велел брату убираться, когда он зашел в мою комнату, и теперь он зол на меня....
25. Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day Little Johnny was in his math’s class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $20,” the teacher began,” and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered....
26. Little Johnny’s mother decided to give Little Johnny’s mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, and said, “Johnny. This is where you come from.” Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his friends now refer to him as “Lucky Johnny.” […]...
27. Перевод слова dead Dead – мертвый, увядший, смертельно Перевод слова Dead body – труп dead list – список погибших dead leaves – засохшие листья dead to all love – безразличный к любви You look Dead beat. Ты выглядишь смертельно усталой. Drop Dead! Иди к черту! Отвали! My fingers are Dead. У меня онемели пальцы. Интересные факты “Мертвец” (Dead […]...
28. Little Johnny comes home from school Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that “Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the difference between boys and girls,” and would his mother,”please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this.” So johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, […]...
29. Значение идиомы boys will be boys [boys will be boys] Boys are only children and must sometimes get into mischief or trouble or behave too roughly. Boys will be boys and make a lot of noise, so John’s mother told him and his friends to play in the park instead of the back yard....
30. A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The […]...
31. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.” The next day the father saw Little Johnny heading out the front […]...
32. Good news and bad news The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife’s bedroom. “Kid’s……there’s good news and bad news.” “The bad news is your mother’s strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago” “The good news […]...
33. These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around These two country boys, brothers, were knocking around one lazy summer day and thought it would be a good prank to push over the outhouse. They crept up from an advantageous direction like a couple of commandos, pushed the outhouse over on one side and headed for the woods. They circled round and returned home […]...
34. Значение идиомы ring up [ring up] {v.} 1. To add and record on a cash register. Thesupermarket clerk rang up Mrs. Smith’s purchases and told her she owed$33. Business was bad Tuesday; we didn’t ring up a sale allmorning. 2. {informal} To telephone. Sally rang up Sue and toldher the news....
35. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
36. Everything we need A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but little Johnny started saying, “oh miss, oh […]...
37. Man v. cat A man absolutely hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He […]...
38. Be afraid if you annoy this husband A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman’s horse mis-steps and jostles the man’s wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, […]...
39. Little Johnny is coming home from the store Little Johnny’s is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, […]...
40. Перевод идиомы break the news (to someone), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: break the news (to someone) Перевод: сообщать кому-либо какие-либо новости, известия Пример: He is planning to break the news about his transfer tomorrow. Он собирается рассказать о своем переводе завтра....