Santa’s Pet Peeves

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1. Santas Diversion Santas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.” Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to […]...
2. Перевод слова drama Drama – драма, трагедия, драматургия Перевод слова Fraught with drama – наполненный драматическими событиями to succeed in the drama – преуспеть в области драматургии drama festival – театральный фестиваль I prefer Drama to comedy. Я предпочитаю драму комедии. John started off in heavy Drama. Джон начинал с трагедии. The new Drama plays for three hours. […]...
3. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
4. The Gift After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son. I brought my selection – a baseball bat – to the cash register. “Cash or charge?” the clerk asked. “Cash,” I snapped. […]...
5. I was out with one of my best drinking buddies I was out with one of my best drinking buddies, George, and he was talking about marriage, and then his wife. He drank some, then said, “Well, what it comes down to Jimmy, is… well… my wife knows nothing of my wants and needs… she’s hardly ever in the mood for sex… I guess what […]...
6. Перевод слова department Department – отдел, отделение, кафедра; магазин Перевод слова Department-store chain – сеть крупных универмагов research department – отдел исследований sociology department – кафедра социологии Cooking is not my Department. Кулинария – это не моя область. Our Department has a staff of seven. Персонал нашей кафедры – семь сотрудников. He was selected to head the Department. […]...
7. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Jokes An Irish priest and a Rabbi get into a car accident. They both get out of their cars and stumble over to the side of the road. The Rabbi says, “Oy vey! What a wreck!” The priest asks him, “Are you all right, Rabbi?” The Rabbi responds, “Just a little shaken.” The priest pulls a […]...
8. Getting Immunizations Required by Schools Jonas: Hi, Jenny. Are you getting your kids ready for school, too? Jenny: Yes, as you can see, we’re buying lots of school supplies. Jonas: Did you get the school letter reminding parents to submit proof of Immunization before the first day of school? I know that your youngest is starting school this year. Jenny: […]...
9. New University Promos It was clear that one day the Ivy League would grow desperate. The the average tuition (per year) for each institution is outta site and they just aren’t getting enough applicants. I understand that in a rash, unprecedented move, some colleges are taking out advertising in the middle of ‘Sesame Street’ episodes, to differentiate themselves […]...
10. Giving Bribes to Children for Good Behavior Camille: No, you can’t have a new bike if you get an “A” on the test. You should study because you want to do well in school. We’ll talk about it when I get home tonight. Kids! Aaron: What’s the matter? Camille: My kids won’t do anything without an Incentive. I know it’s my own […]...
11. More neighborhood jokes They had a ‘witchy’ old lady next door that was constantly complaining about everything and everyone in the neighborhood. After one really good round about kids and pets messing up her spotless front yard, my buddies planned what turned out to be a better joke than they originally thought. Juvenile as we all were, they […]...
12. Перевод слова power Power – сила, мощь, энергия, мощность; власть, могущество Перевод слова The power of a blow – сила удара the power of the law – сила закона separation of powers – разделение властей electric power – электроэнергия Power to the people! Власть народу! She had me in her Power. Я был в ее власти. He was […]...
13. A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and […]...
14. Перевод слова offer Offer – предлагать, выражать; предложение Перевод слова A job offer – предложение о найме to offer opinion – выражать мнение to offer a free pardon – обещать полное прощение He Offered to marry her. Он предложил ей выйти за него замуж. Can I Offer you something to drink? Могу ли я предложить вам что-нибудь выпить? […]...
15. There was this boy in high school that was what you would call There was this boy in high school that was what you would consider a nerd. Anyway he had his own lab in the basement of his home and one night he came up and said “Dad look what I made.” So he poured a flask of fluid into a pot of soil and instantly grass […]...
16. Перевод сленгового выражения drama queen, значение и пример использования Сленговое выражение: drama queen Сленговое выражение: drama queen груб. Перевод: кто-либо, кто часто устраивает скандалы, споры из-за чего угодно Пример: Betty is such a drama queen! Бетти постоянно устраивает скандалы!...
17. Seeing Old Friends This is Turning out to be a month for seeing Old friends. I got an email a couple of weeks ago from an old friend from Graduate School. She and her family are visiting L. A. for a week. They plan to see family and to visit old friends. Since she moved out of the […]...
18. Negotiating Salary Renaldo: Hello, may I speak to Simone Otto? Simone: This is Simone. May I ask who’s calling? Renaldo: This is Renaldo Garcia at Cinetect. You Interviewed for a position with me last week. Simone: Oh, yes, of course. How are you? Renaldo: I’m doing well. The reason I’m calling is that I was very impressed […]...
19. Getting Childcare My friend Susan is an engineer and she’s also a Single mom. She has been working some Odd hours lately and was having a Tough time finding Childcare for her 4-year-old daughter and her 8-year-old son. Her daughter, Kimberly, is enrolled in a Preschool and Susan is able To drop her off On her way […]...
20. Going to a Home Improvement Store Paige: I think we can get everything we need To fix up the house in one trip. What do you think? Vern: We can try. It seems like everybody had the same thought when they woke up this morning: Go to the Home improvement store! Paige: Yeah, it’s a little crowded, but I still think […]...
21. Going to a Home Improvement Store Paige: I think we can get everything we need To fix up the house in one trip. What do you think? Vern: We can try. It seems like everybody had the same thought when they woke up this morning: Go to the Home improvement store! Paige: Yeah, it’s a little crowded, but I still think […]...
22. Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. “Does your wife ever… well, you know… does she… well, let you do it doggie style?” asked one of the two. “Well, not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s into the dog trick aspect of it.” “Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?” “Well… not exactly. More like […]...
23. Being Gifted Would you want to have a special Talent in something? Maybe as a musician or an athlete? I’m Of two minds about this. Sometimes I watch TV or read about someone who has a special talent. This was true during the Olympics. Some of those athletes I saw were very talented. Whether it was Playing […]...
24. 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven 3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I […]...
25. Getting a School Class Schedule Carlos: Did you get your Class schedule? Marianne: Yeah. You? Carlos: Yeah. Let’s see if we have any classes together. I have PE with Mr. Lopez and Social studies with Ms. Walters. How about you? Marianne: I have PE with Ms. Schwartz and social studies with Ms. Eng. Who do you have for Geography? I’m […]...
26. Структура компании на английском языке – accounts department – бухгалтерия – board of directors – совет директоров – chairman / chairperson – председатель – chief executive officer – главный исполнительный директор компании – director – директор, член совета директоров – executive officer / manager – управляющий делами, руководитель – headquarters – штаб-квартира – managing director – директор-распорядитель, исполнительное лицо компании […]...
27. Providing Tech Support Max: Hello, hello, is this Call-in tech support? Grace: Yes, my name is Grace and this is the Help desk. How can I help you today? Max: I’m having a problem with my machine and I don’t know what to do. Grace: Have you tried reading our online Troubleshooting guide or asking your question on […]...
28. Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool. When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: “Did you notice the small dongs on the rich kids?” The other answered: “Yeah! It’s probably because they have toys to play with!”...
29. Police officer Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden […]...
30. Структура компании Accounts department – бухгалтерия Board of directors – совет директоров Chairman / chairperson – председатель Chief executive officer – главный исполнительный директор компании Director – директор, член совета директоров Executive officer / manager – управляющий делами, руководитель Headquarters – штаб-квартира Managing director – директор-распорядитель, исполнительное лицо компании Marketing department – отдел маркировки товаров Organization chart […]...
31. Перевод идиомы turn up one’s nose at something, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: turn up one’s nose at something Перевод: относиться к чему-либо с неуважением; смотреть свысока; задирать нос Пример: My friend turned up his nose at the job offer in another department of his company. Мой друг с неуважением отнесся к предложению о работе в другом отделе его компании....
32. Conditional Features Uslovnye edinicy the Play About Love – Условные единицы пьеса про любовь Once I was invited to the theatre and I thought: “Oh, you invite me to watch some classical play”, but the answer was the following: “Conditional features, the play about love, it is modern by the way.” It happened in november, the 22nd of november to be exact, at Drama theatre named after I. A. […]...
33. Two buddies get together and decide to Two buddies get together and decide to go to a whorehouse, one of them tired of doing it with his wife all the time, the other not having it done for a long time. Anyways the married one goes up and comes down and says ” My wife is much better”. “Allright” goes the other […]...
34. Childhood Illnesses and Diseases Rebecca: You look exhausted! Another tough day at the Daycare center? Puneet: Yeah, it was. This is a Record year for the kids getting sick. The Chicken pox is Going around. Last year, it was the Measles. The year before that, it was the Mumps. This year, it’s the chicken pox. Rebecca: You sent the […]...
35. A man says to his wife A man says to his wife, “Get ready you, me & the dog are going fishing.” Wife says, “I dont want to go.” Man gives her 3 choices, fishing, blow job or take it up the a*se. Wife pick blow job. After she sucking for a while she says, “It tastes like sh*t. Man says, […]...
36. Значение идиомы can of worms [can of worms] {n.}, {slang}, {informal} 1. A complex problem, or complicated situation. Let’s not get into big city politics – that’s a different can of worms. 2. A very restless, jittery person. Joe can’t sit still for a minute – he is a can of worms....
37. Значение идиомы hands down [hands down] {adv.}, {informal} 1. Without working hard; easily. The Rangers won the game hands down. 2. Without question or doubt;without any opposition; plainly. Johnny was bands down the bestplayer on the team....
38. Deadly disease “My girl, Ginger, is going to die of syphilis,” mumbles an angry biker to one of his buddies. “No,” says the friend, “people don’t die of syphilis anymore.” The angry biker replies, “They do when they give it to me!”...
39. A Jewish Mother Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? You’re going out? Yes. With whom? With a friend. I don’t know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. I didn’t leave him. He left me! You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. I […]...
40. London (4) London is the British capital and one of the biggest cities in the world. The oldest part of London is called the City. It is small, but it is very important. Two thousand years ago a town was built here. For hundreds of years people lived and worked there, but now many of the old […]...