Santa vs. system admins

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1. Backward SantaAs a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, «And what would you like for Christmas?» The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: «Didn’t you get my E-mail?»...
2. Confuse Santa Claus1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask ... Читать далее...
3. Santa’s Pet PeevesDepartment Store Santa Peeves 8. Kids who refuse to believe that’s fruitcake on your breath, not gin 7. When the last guy to use the beard leaves bits of his lunch in it 6. Even with the costume, people recognizing you from «Crime Watch» 5. Parents who get all uptight when you offer their kids ... Читать далее...
4. Is There a Santa Claus?As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) — I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, ... Читать далее...
5. Billy Gates writes SantaDear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you ... Читать далее...
6. Politically Correct Santa‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to «Elves», «Vertically Challenged» they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, ... Читать далее...
7. An Australian ChristmasHere comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова seldomSeldom — редко Перевод слова Very seldom — очень редко seldom or never — почти никогда, в очень редких случаях seldom seen, soon forgotten — с глаз долой — из сердца вон He Seldom gives interviews. Он редко дает интервью. We Seldom go to the movies. Мы редко ходим в кино. How Seldom we meet! ... Читать далее...
9. Barbie and G. I. JoeA little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, «What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?» The little girl replies, «I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.» Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, «I ... Читать далее...
10. Значение идиомы by all odds[by all odds] {adv. phr.} Without question; certainly. He was by all odds the strongest candidate. By all odds we should win the game, because the other team is so weak. Compare: FAR AND AWAY....
11. Short Christmas jokesWhat did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter «D» ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he ... Читать далее...
12. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IVVoice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing — they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail ... Читать далее...
13. Santas DiversionSantas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying «Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.» Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to ... Читать далее...
14. Перевод идиомы against the odds / against all odds, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: against the odds / against all odds Перевод: вопреки трудностям, наперекор обстоятельствам Пример: Against all odds — poor weather, student pilot — we landed safely. Вопреки всем обстоятельствам — плохой погоде, начинающему пилоту — мы приземлились удачно....
15. Письмо Деду Морозу/ A Letter To Santa ClausНа английском языке Перевод на русский язык A Letter To Santa Claus Письмо Деду Морозу Dear Santa Claus, I’d like to tell you a little bit about myself. My name is Irina and I’m 10 years old. I live in Bijsk. It’s a nice town in Altai Krai of Russia. My nickname is “Sunshine”. My ... Читать далее...
16. New FAA inspectionsWith the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and ... Читать далее...
17. The Christmas Feast and Santa Claus — Рождественский банкет и Санта-КлаусChristmas takes place on December 25. There are some traditions connected with it. One of them is to give presents to each other. It is not only children and members of family who give presents to each other. It’s a tradition to give Christmas presents to the people you work with, to give presents to ... Читать далее...
18. Перевод слова mailMail — почта, посылать по почте Перевод слова To deliver mail — доставлять почту to deliver by air mail — доставлять авиапочтой by mail — по почте express mail — экспресс-почта She Mailed the package to me. Она послала мне посылку. You’ve Got Mail. Вам письмо. The order came by Mail. Заказ пришел по почте. ... Читать далее...
19. Значение идиомы odds-on[odds-on] {adj.}, {informal} Almost certain; almost sure; probable. Ed is the odds-on choice for class president, because he has goodsense and good humor....
20. Значение идиомы at odds[at odds] {adj. phr.} In conflict or disagreement; opposed. The boy and girl were married a week after they met and soon found themselves at odds about religion. Compare: AT LOGGERHEADS....
21. A wish for ChristmasIt is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and ... Читать далее...
22. Значение идиомы odds and ends[odds and ends] {n. phr.} Miscellaneous items; remnants. Afterthe great annual clearance sale there were only a few odds and endsleft in the store....
23. On Christmas morning a cop on horsebackOn Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, «Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?» The kid says, «Yeah.» The cop says, «Well, next year tell Santa to ... Читать далее...
24. Перевод слова funnyFunny — забавный, смешной, странный Перевод слова Funny story — анекдот, смешная история extremely funny — чрезвычайно смешной, уморительный funny face — забавный вид That’s one Funny boy. Он очень забавный. What’s that Funny smell? Что за странный запах? I see this as diabolically Funny. По-моему, это ужасно смешно....
25. Значение идиомы odds are against[odds are against] {v. phr.} The likelihood of success is notprobable; the chances of success are poor. The odds are against hergetting here before Monday....
26. Перевод идиомы at odds (with someone), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: at odds (with someone) Перевод: в ссоре с кем-либо, иметь разногласие с кем-либо Пример: The man has been at odds with his boss over his new sales territory. У него разногласия с начальником по поводу его новой сферы продаж....
27. Short Father ChristmasWhat do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? ... Читать далее...
28. Перевод идиомы odds and ends, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: odds and ends Перевод: мелочь, остатки, обрывки, всякая всячина Пример: We made games for the children from odds and ends that we have at our house. Мы придумали игры для детей из всякой всячины, что есть у нас дома....
29. Junk mailTwo teachers at my high school started a practical joke war that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions. They finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped, EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up for. He wrote (honestly) that he had ... Читать далее...
30. Pest-by-ModemHere’s how to be a pest-by-modem: *Make up fake acronyms. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f…… manual) to show that they’re «hep» to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to ... Читать далее...
31. Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself toAlbert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, «What is your IQ?» to which the man answers, «241.» «That is wonderful!,» says Albert. «We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!» Next Albert introduces himself ... Читать далее...
32. Fly, baby, fly!A police officer arrives at an accident scene where apparently three blondes have leaped to their death from a very tall building… he suddenly notices that one is still breathing so he approaches her and asks: «why the hell did you three beautiful girls leap out of that building?» The blond answers in a very ... Читать далее...
33. Police officer ChristmasTwas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden ... Читать далее...
34. George W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DCGeorge W. Bush walks into a restaurant in Washington DC with his wife Laura. The waiter approaches the table and asks for his order. «I’ll have your biggest, juiciest London Broil,» answers the President. «But sir, what about the mad cow?!!» asks the waiter. «Oh,» answers Dubya, «she’ll order for herself.»...
35. Значение идиомы ring the changes[ring the changes] {v. phr.} To say or do the same thing indifferent ways; repeat the same idea in many ways. David wanted anew bicycle and he kept ringing the changes on it all day until hisparents got angry at him. A smart girl saves money on clothes bylearning to ring the changes on a ... Читать далее...
36. Перевод идиомы junk mail, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: junk mail Перевод: назойливая почта, обычно рекламного характера; почта для мусорной корзины Пример: On her mail box she wrote a sign: «No junk mail!» На своем почтовом ящике она написала: «Никакой рекламы!»....
37. TraditionsA man and a woman got married, and he told her : » since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for ... Читать далее...
38. Microsoft ChristmasNORTH POLE (API) — MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of ... Читать далее...
39. Where are my pyjamas?A man calls his wife and says to her, «Honey, I just got the chance of a lifetime to go on a week-long fishing trip with my boss. Could you pack up my things so that they will be ready when I get home?» «Sure, honey,» his wife answers.»Oh, and could you please pack my ... Читать далее...
40. Значение идиомы fourth class[fourth class] {n.} A class of mail that is not sealed and weighs apound or more, that includes things that are bought and sold and sentin the mail, and printed things that are not second or third classmail. Bill sent away 98 cereal box tops and a dollar and got back asheriff’s badge and gun ... Читать далее...