Police officer Christmas

Related topics:

1. An Australian Christmas Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his […]...
2. Military Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so […]...
3. Short Christmas jokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter “D” ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he […]...
4. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
5. The Christmas diet song ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. […]...
6. An Internet Christmas T’was the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of […]...
7. A wish for Christmas It is around christmas time and santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup. He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for christmas. As the line dwindles down; a little 5 year old boy comes up and […]...
8. Microsoft Christmas NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of […]...
9. New FAA inspections With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and […]...
10. ‘Twas the Night After Christmas ‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had […]...
11. The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking: Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., […]...
12. On Christmas morning a cop on horseback On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to […]...
13. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
14. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
15. One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the – influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat […]...
16. Значение идиомы Father Christmas [Father Christmas] {n.}, {British} The joyful spirit of Christmas;Santa Claus. English children look forward to the visit of FatherChristmas....
17. A police officer came upon a terrible wreck A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you could talk.” The monkey looked up at […]...
18. A rookie police officer was assigned A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s […]...
19. Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa The holidays in my family are very Diverse. Our Custom is to celebrate Christmas every year as a Religious observance, complete with Advent wreathes and Midnight Mass. Most of my In-laws observe Christmas Purely as a Secular holiday, with the focus on Exchanging gifts, stockings, A Christmas tree, and other traditional customs. There is a […]...
20. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
21. After Christmas Sales Roxana: Get up! We’re going To miss out on the best Deals if we don’t get to the stores when they open. Kurt: What? I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. Roxana: You need to get up now and come with me to the store for the After Christmas sales. You know that they Slash prices and […]...
22. Without a Christmas bonus Ten signs you’re not getting a christmas bonus 10. Co-workers refer to you as “the ghost of unemployment future” 9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial 8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips 7. What you call “my new […]...
23. After Christmas Sales Roxana: Get up! We’re going To miss out on the best Deals if we don’t get to the stores when they open. Kurt: What? I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. Roxana: You need to get up now and come with me to the store for the After Christmas sales. You know that they Slash prices and […]...
24. Is There a Santa Claus? As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) – I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus. 1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, […]...
25. A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these […]...
26. Рождество/ Christmas На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Christmas Рождество Christmas is one of the most important holidays in Christianity. A lot of people consider that Jesus Christ was born on this day many years ago. It’s a sacred festival that’s why orthodox believers gather in the churches to attend the feast rite on Christmas. My […]...
27. Barbie and G. I. Joe A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?” The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.” Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I […]...
28. Перевод слова Christmas Christmas – Рождество Перевод слова Merry Christmas! – счастливого рождества! Christmas tree – рождественская елка on Christmas Day – в день Рождества Christmas is drawing near. Рождество приближается. We’ll see you at Christmas. Увидимся на Рождество. We wish you a Merry Christmas. Мы желаем вам Счастливого Рождества....
29. Politically Correct Santa ‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to “Elves”, “Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, […]...
30. Santa vs. system admins The similarities between Santa and System Admins 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it […]...
31. Christmas and Hanukkah Merger Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having […]...
32. Represent Christmas Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he […]...
33. Диалог на английском языке с переводом “Между полицейским и гражданином (Between Police Officer And Citizen)” По-английски Перевод на русский I I Police officer: Good afternoon, sir. Is this your car? Полицейский: Добрый день, сэр. Это ваша машина? Citizen: Hello. Yes, it is. Is there a problem? Гражданин: Здравствуйте, да моя. А что какие-то проблемы? Police officer: Not really. However, we are looking for the car similar to yours, which has […]...
34. Christmas – Рождество (1) Christmas is Christian holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. For millions of Christians throughout the world it is the happiest and the busiest time of the year. No one knows the exact date of Christ’s birth but most Christians celebrate Christmas on December 25. The word Christmas comes from Christes masse, an early […]...
35. Значение идиомы Christmas club [Christmas club] {n.} A plan for putting money in the bank to be saved for Christmas shopping. John deposits $10 each week in the Christmas club. The woman will get her Christmas club money on December 10....
36. Rating Christmas parties If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you’ll be expected to throw another great party next year. What you should have done was throw the kind of […]...
37. So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails So there were two guys on a roof, pounding nails. One guy pounded a nail in, then picked up another. He was holding the nail upside down. He unexpectedly threw the nail away. He picked up another nail, right side up this time, and pounded this in. He eventually threw so many upside down nails […]...
38. “Рождество в Великобритании и Америке” (Christmas in Britain and America) Christmas is a favourite time of the year for many Christian people. It is celebrated by many cultures and religions. This is the holiday when families come together and celebrate the birth of Jesus, love, peace and kindness. Catholic Christmas is celebrated in Europe, Australia and America on the 25th of December. However all preparations […]...
39. Sick of the Holidays Signs your sick of the holidays 8. You’ve got red and green bags under your eyes 7. You’re serving reindeer pot pie 6. When you hear, “Sleigh bells ring, are you listenin’?,” you scream, “No! I’m not listening!” 5. You climb on your roof and start shooting carolers with your air gun 4. You think […]...
40. Very different children Two ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist. The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill […]...