A wish for Christmas

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1. Short Christmas jokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve! How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day? Tell him a joke on Christmas Eve! What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month? The letter “D” ! What does Father Christmas suffer from if he […]...
2. Short Father Christmas What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa Clues! Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition. Now thats what you call pot luck! What do the reindeer sing to Father Christmas on his birthday? Freeze a jolly good fellow! What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? […]...
3. An Australian Christmas Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his fat away Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Water-skis on his sleigh Never have a white Christmas When you in Melbourne live Wearing hot pants on the beach When you your presents give Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus, Sweating his […]...
4. An Internet Christmas T’was the Internet Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net, There were hacker’s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet. The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there. The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens, While visions of […]...
5. On Christmas morning a cop on horseback On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, “Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?” The kid says, “Yeah.” The cop says, “Well, next year tell Santa to […]...
6. Barbie and G. I. Joe A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap. Santa asks, “What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?” The little girl replies, “I want a Barbie and G. I. Joe.” Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, “I […]...
7. Значение идиомы Father Christmas [Father Christmas] {n.}, {British} The joyful spirit of Christmas;Santa Claus. English children look forward to the visit of FatherChristmas....
8. Microsoft Christmas NORTH POLE (API) – MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of […]...
9. The Christmas diet song ‘Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips. Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there. While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps had just settled down to sugar-borne naps. […]...
10. Police officer Christmas Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden […]...
11. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
12. Santas Diversion Santas Diversion Santa was delivering gifts as usual, when at one house a beautiful young woman was awaiting his arrival. She begged him to stay and cuddle with her on the couch. Santa declined, saying “Ho-ho, gotta go. Gotta deliver these presents, you know.” Trying again, the lovely young thing removed her clothing down to […]...
13. Military Christmas ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies, Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes. Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds, As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads. Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube, Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube, And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so […]...
14. Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa The holidays in my family are very Diverse. Our Custom is to celebrate Christmas every year as a Religious observance, complete with Advent wreathes and Midnight Mass. Most of my In-laws observe Christmas Purely as a Secular holiday, with the focus on Exchanging gifts, stockings, A Christmas tree, and other traditional customs. There is a […]...
15. Перевод слова Christmas Christmas – Рождество Перевод слова Merry Christmas! – счастливого рождества! Christmas tree – рождественская елка on Christmas Day – в день Рождества Christmas is drawing near. Рождество приближается. We’ll see you at Christmas. Увидимся на Рождество. We wish you a Merry Christmas. Мы желаем вам Счастливого Рождества....
16. Santa vs. system admins The similarities between Santa and System Admins 1. Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny. 2. When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal. 3. Santa seldom answers your mail. 4. When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he’s got, he says, “Elves make it […]...
17. Christmas and Hanukkah Merger Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having […]...
18. Without a Christmas bonus Ten signs you’re not getting a christmas bonus 10. Co-workers refer to you as “the ghost of unemployment future” 9. The last time you saw your boss was when he testified against you at the embezzlement trial 8. On your door, you find a lovely wreath of pink slips 7. What you call “my new […]...
19. Represent Christmas Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he […]...
20. Значение идиомы Christmas club [Christmas club] {n.} A plan for putting money in the bank to be saved for Christmas shopping. John deposits $10 each week in the Christmas club. The woman will get her Christmas club money on December 10....
21. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
22. Backward Santa As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?”...
23. Days after Christmas The first day after Christmas My true love and I had a fight And so I chopped the pear tree down And burnt it, just for spite Then with a single cartridge I shot that blasted partridge My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me. The second day after Christmas I […]...
24. Значение идиомы twist one around one’s little finger [twist one around one’s little finger] also [turn one around one’slittle finger] or [wrap one around one’s finger] {v. phr.} To havecomplete control over; to be able to make do anything youwant. Sue can twist any of the boys around her little finger. Compare: JUMP THROUGH A HOOP....
25. New FAA inspections With the number of airline disasters lately, the FAA now sends an inspector to the North Pole to check out Santa Claus’s sleigh before allowing him to fly on Christmas eve. The inspector arrives and checks the reindeer and they look good, he checks the harness and it looks okay, he checks the sleigh and […]...
26. This man was having problems getting it up to have sex This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife, so he went to the doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have sex, to stick his finger in his wife’s pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the smell would cause his […]...
27. Значение идиомы nose [nose] See: COUNT HEADS or COUNT NOSES, CUT OFF ONE’S NOSE TO SPITEONE’S FACE, FOLLOW ONE’S NOSE, GO INTO A TAIL SPIN or GO INTO A NOSEDIVE, HARD-NOSED, KEEP ONE’S NOSE CLEAN, KEEP ONE’S NOSE TO THEGRINDSTONE, LEAD BY THE NOSE, LOOK DOWN ONE’S NOSE AT, ON THE NOSE, PAY THROUGH THE NOSE, PUT ONE’S […]...
28. Christmas – Рождество (1) Christmas is Christian holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. For millions of Christians throughout the world it is the happiest and the busiest time of the year. No one knows the exact date of Christ’s birth but most Christians celebrate Christmas on December 25. The word Christmas comes from Christes masse, an early […]...
29. The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking: Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., […]...
30. Confuse Santa Claus 1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds. 2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket. 3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask […]...
31. After Christmas Sales Roxana: Get up! We’re going To miss out on the best Deals if we don’t get to the stores when they open. Kurt: What? I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. Roxana: You need to get up now and come with me to the store for the After Christmas sales. You know that they Slash prices and […]...
32. After Christmas Sales Roxana: Get up! We’re going To miss out on the best Deals if we don’t get to the stores when they open. Kurt: What? I’m sleeping. Leave me alone. Roxana: You need to get up now and come with me to the store for the After Christmas sales. You know that they Slash prices and […]...
33. Значение идиомы Christmas card [Christmas card] {n.}, {slang}, {citizen’s band radio jargon} A speeding ticket. Smokey just gave a Christmas card to the eighteen wheeler we passed....
34. Значение идиомы lit up like a Christmas tree [lit up like a Christmas tree] {adj. phr.}, {informal} To be drunk. On New Year’s Eve Ned was lit up like a Christmas tree. Compare:THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND....
35. “Рождество в Великобритании и Америке” (Christmas in Britain and America) Christmas is a favourite time of the year for many Christian people. It is celebrated by many cultures and religions. This is the holiday when families come together and celebrate the birth of Jesus, love, peace and kindness. Catholic Christmas is celebrated in Europe, Australia and America on the 25th of December. However all preparations […]...
36. ‘Twas the Night After Christmas ‘Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren’t talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had […]...
37. Billy Gates writes Santa Dear Santa, How are you doing? I hope you’ve had a successful year and have come up with a lot of interesting toys. It’s really neat how you’re able to do that year after year. I guess that’s how you stay number one in the Christmas presents business business. Actually, I admire the way you […]...
38. Christmas Из топика Рождество вы узнаете о рождественских традициях Великобритании. Рождество – это христианский праздник, но в нем сочетаются и языческие, и христианские верования. Само слово “Рождество” произошло от “Christ’s mass” – “месса Христова” или церковное служение в честь Иисуса Христа. В Англии обязательно наряжают рождественскую елку, потому что в дохристианские времена, в Северной Европе, вечнозеленые […]...
39. It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look It’s Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands […]...
40. Рождество/ Christmas На английском языке Перевод на русский язык Christmas Рождество Christmas is one of the most important holidays in Christianity. A lot of people consider that Jesus Christ was born on this day many years ago. It’s a sacred festival that’s why orthodox believers gather in the churches to attend the feast rite on Christmas. My […]...