Understanding Drug Labels

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1. At the Pharmacy I went to the Drugstore down the street To fill a prescription at the Pharmacy. I have had some problems with my arm and the doctor prescribed for me a new Medication. I waited in line and when it was my turn, I handed the prescription to the Pharmacist. She told me to come back […]...
2. A stupid dog While leading the Friday evening services, the Rabbi noticed a member of the congregation, Bernie, walk in with a St. Bernard dog. The Rabbi, horrified, asked the Cantor to continue the service and went to talk to Bernie. Rabbi: “What are doing here with a dog?” Bernie: “The dog came here to pray.” “Oh, come […]...
3. Waiting for Drug Approval Florence: A package came for you. I think it’s from overseas. Alexander: Oh, those are my Drugs. Florence: You’re buying your Medication from overseas? Alexander: I have no choice. This drug isn’t FDA-approved yet. Florence: Isn’t it dangerous to take a drug that isn’t approved? Alexander: Not if it’s been approved in other countries. This […]...
4. Listening to the Radio Kurt: Turn that radio down! Gloria: No way! I’m listening to a Simulcast of a performance and it’s Live. Kurt: Is it on Campus radio? Gloria: No, it’s on the Public radio Station. I finally got good Reception after putting this long Antenna outside my window and I’m not turning it off now. Kurt: You […]...
5. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: “You are not getting older, You are just getting better.” When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.” It wasn’t until the […]...
6. Completing a Drug/Alcohol Rehabilitation Program John: I’m glad to see you’re back and looking so healthy. Lindsay: Thanks. Rehab wasn’t easy, but getting Treatment for my Addiction saved my life. I’d hit Rock bottom. John: Recovery from Substance abuse isn’t easy, but I’m happy you got the help you needed. Lindsay: I’m glad I checked into an Inpatient program. I […]...
7. Limits to Advancement at Work Gloria: Did you hear that Manuel is quitting? He took a job with another company. Sam: I’m not surprised. He came up against the Glass ceiling and he decided To jump ship. Gloria: Really? I didn’t know he was Bucking for promotion. Sam: He’s been trying to become a manager for three years, but other […]...
8. People of Different Ages Gloria: I’m surprised at the variety of people on this tour. Andy: Oh, yeah? I hadn’t noticed. Gloria: Well, we’ll be spending the next two weeks with these people so I thought I’d get to know some of them. Andy: That’s nice. Gloria: Did you see that thirty-something couple with a Toddler and an Infant? […]...
9. Understanding Interest Rates Kerry: I need to take out a small business loan and I’m trying to figure out what the Interest rate would be. Do you understand this stuff? Oscar: If it’s the same as a Mortgage loan, then I think I understand it In general terms. The interest rate would be the percentage of the amount […]...
10. Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the car. The only thing he said was, “F. F.” His wife turned to him and answered, “E. F.” Out on the highway, he […]...
11. Consulting a Pharmacist Pharmacist: Can I help you? Sanaz: Yes, I had some questions for the Pharmacist. Pharmacist: I’m the pharmacist. How can I help you? Sanaz: Can I fill these Prescriptions here? Pharmacist: Yes, you can. Just give those to the Pharmacy technician and she’ll take care of you. Sanaz: The reason I ask is that I’m […]...
12. Taking Chances in Business I’ve always been a pretty Cautious investor. I like my investments to be Conservative and I usually invest only in Sure things. Recently, though, I’ve been Tempted to take more Risk. My friend, Bernie, is a very successful Fund manager and he is willing to let me Get in on one of his Schemes. According […]...
13. A dyslexic nurse Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. “She’s incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards.” said one doctor. “Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!” The […]...
14. Reading Food Labels Amy: Put a big bag of those potato chips in the basket. Giorgio: Have you read the Nutritional label on these chips? Amy: No, but look. This doesn’t have very much Saturated fat, Trans fat, or Sodium. Giorgio: Look at the Serving size. It’s three potato chips. How often do you stop at three chips? […]...
15. Making a Move on Someone A. J.: What was going on with you and Tiago in his office earlier today? You two were pretty Cozy in there. Gloria: What? Oh, I was a little Upset about Messing up my presentation in the morning meeting, and Tiago was trying To reassure me about it. A. J.: It looked like he was […]...
16. Alternative Medicine I have been suffering from back pain for years. I’ve tried several treatments Prescribed by my doctor, but nothing has had a Lasting effect. I finally decided to try Alternative medicine. My friend, Amelia, Swore by acupuncture. She said that her knee pain went away after only a few weeks of Therapy. She was Skeptical […]...
17. My heart set A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor, and the doctor said, “All right, let’s check you out. You sit down here on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and […]...
18. Understanding Modern Art Stephan: What’s that? Livia: It’s my latest Artwork. It’s Experimental. Stephan: It’s, um… Livia: Abstract. It’s part of a Performance art piece I’m putting together. It’ll really challenge people’s Perceptions of Reality. Stephan: I don’t really understand Contemporary art. Is it supposed To represent something? Livia: It’s my Interpretation of how the rich Oppress the […]...
19. Serious desease A distraught patient phoned her doctor’s office. Was it true, the woman wanted to know, that the medication the doctor had prescribed was for the rest of her life? She was told that it was. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This […]...
20. Talking About Sight Sue: This medication I’m taking is Messing with my Vision. Everything is Blurry. Hamed: That’s a good reason for you to stay home from work today. Sue: I can’t. I have to give a presentation this afternoon and I can’t Flake out on my coworkers. Hamed: What good are you to them if you’re Blind […]...
21. Understanding Addresses I was away from my office and needed to send some letters to clients. Unfortunately, I didn’t have their addresses, so I called the office secretary. Christina: Hi, Jacob. I need your help getting the Mailing addresses for a couple of clients. Jacob: Sure. Which ones? Christina: I need addresses for Jim Kelly and for […]...
22. How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours I once wrote a book called How to Keep an Idiot Entertained for Hours. It went like this: To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the next sentence. To keep an idiot entertained for hours, read the previous sentence.” It didn’t sell very well. I thought with the short attention span of people these […]...
23. One day there was an indian chief who was constipated One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says “Big Chief, no shit”. the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and […]...
24. A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out A young priest, who is still unsure of the penance to dole out during confession, asks an older priest what he should give a cocksucker. “Oh,” says the older priest, “give the altar boy a dollar or so, if you feel like it. Personally, I never give them more than fifty cents.”...
25. A doctor, an engineer, and a politician A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. “Well,” argued the doctor, “without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession.” “No,” said the engineer, “before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create […]...
26. Understanding Men and Women Lucy: Jeff, Here’s a question. I was Just talking to Dawn. You know, they had their first Wedding anniversary last week. Guess what her husband gave her as a present. Jeff: I don’t know. What? Lucy: He gave her a Vacuum cleaner. Jeff: Didn’t she want a vacuum cleaner? Lucy: Yes, the old one was […]...
27. A man calls his family doctor A man calls his family doctor: Man: Doctor, for the last week my wife has thought that she was a rabbit. Doctor: Ok, bring her in and I’ll try to help. Man: Fine, but whatever you do, don’t cure her....
28. Warning labels If government is going to put health warning labels on beer, wine and liquor, let’s at least have a little truthfulness about the matter! WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit truck at 100 yards. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major […]...
29. Understanding Corporate Structure Andrea: This Organizational chart is really confusing. Raffael: Why are you looking at that? Andrea: I have an interview next week and I’m trying To bone up on the company I’ll be interviewing with. I want to impress them, but this chart is really confusing. Raffael: Let me see. It’s a simple Flow chart. You […]...
30. It finally dawned “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying…25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d gone […]...
31. Broken leg “How did it happen?” the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man’s broken leg. “Well, doc, 25 years ago…” “Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning.” “Like I was saying… 25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I’d […]...
32. An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
33. Types of Allergies Bert: Doctor, Give it to me straight. Is my Medical condition serious? Doctor: I suspect that your Rashes and other symptoms are the result of Allergies. Bert: Allergies?! I thought I had some kind of serious Disease. Doctor: Allergies can be serious. I’m going to give you tests to see what you’re allergic to. Bert: […]...
34. Course of action One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water cooler at the office. “Veronica, I just don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?” “Oh, my God!” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, […]...
35. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
36. Love to Death A man goes to his doctor for his annual physical complaining of all kinds of mysterious ailments – lack of sleep, no drive, very little appetite, nervous, etc. After a complete exam, the doctor can find nothing physically wrong and suspects the man is suffering from depression. The two had been friends for many years, […]...
37. Take in a boarder An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30, and would he have any suggestions. “Yes,” says the Doctor, “I would advise you to take in a boarder.” A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is going. He says fine his wife is […]...
38. Visiting a Patient in the Hospital George: You’re just In time. There’s only another 20 minutes until the end of Visiting hours. Inez: I got here as soon as I could. How is Uncle Peter? George: They moved him from the Emergency ward to the Intensive care unit. He’s on Life support. Inez: How could this have happened? How could somebody […]...
39. Перевод слова drug Drug – медикамент, лекарство, наркотик Перевод слова Drug administration – применение лекарств drug plant – лекарственное растение to take drugs – принимать наркотики He has a Drug addiction. У него наркотическая зависимость. This Drug aggravates the pain. Этот препарат усиливает боль. The Drug should be taken orally. Препарат следует принимать внутрь....
40. A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog A blind man walks into a drug store with his seeing eye dog. He takes the dogs leash & starts swinging it around & around his head. The druggist says “May I help you?” The blind man replies “No thank you, I’m just looking around.”...