A man calls his family doctor

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1. An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday An eye-doctor was having his 40th birthday, and gathered lots of friends and family in his house. His wife had made him a surprise cake, and led her husband blindfolded to a table where the cake was placed. Eagerly the doctor removed and looked down on the cake, and immediately burst into a crazed laughter, […]...
2. A man comes to a doctor and A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, “Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?” “Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You […]...
3. A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad A man goes into the doctor’s office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says “I have some bad news. You have HAGS.” “What is HAGS” the man asks. “It’s herpes, AIDS, gonorrhea, and syphilis” says the doctor. “Oh my God” says the man. “What are you […]...
4. A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front […]...
5. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
6. A man went to the doctor for a check up A man went to the doctor for a check up. “How do you feel?” asked the doctor. “Fine.” he replied. After a few more general health questions the doctor asked, “How many times do you have sex per month?” “About two or three.” the man replied. “You should be doing better than that.” the doctor […]...
7. Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation. “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.” “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor. “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the morning and again at […]...
8. A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife A concerned husband went to a doctor to talk about his wife. He says to the doctor, “Doctor, I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things.” “Well,” the doctor replied, “go home and tonight stand about 15 feet from her and say […]...
9. A young mother paying a visit to a doctor A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, “I hope, doctor, you don’t mind Johnny being in there.” “No,” said the doctor calmly, […]...
10. This man got his prescription for Viagra This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, “I’ll be home in an hour.” “Perfect,” she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He […]...
11. A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened? The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, […]...
12. Значение идиомы duty calls [duty calls] {n. phr.} One must attend to one’s obligations. “I’d love to stay and play more poker,” Henry said, “but duty calls and I must get back to the office.”...
13. A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by […]...
14. A dubious remedy A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day the man went to the store […]...
15. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
16. Michael Jackson and the doctor Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, “How long before we can have sex?” The doctor says, “At least wait until he’s walking.”...
17. I will put it into your ass In one day animal’s king lion said: You must get me the circle fruit and I will put it to your ass! Who will not bring it I will kill him! A rabbit has come first! He has brought to lion an apple. When lion put apple into rabbit’s ass rabbit was smiling. Lion surprised […]...
18. This man goes into the doctor with his This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state, really bad now. Doctor: “What happened to you?” He says: “I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!” Doctor: “But I don’t understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and couldn’t cause that much damage!” He says “Aah […]...
19. A horse and a rabbit A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes […]...
20. For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake For his wife’s birthday party, a doctor ordered a cake with this inscription: “You are not getting older, You are just getting better.” When asked how he wanted it arranged, he said, “Just put ‘You are not getting older’ at the top, and ‘You are just getting better’ at the bottom.” It wasn’t until the […]...
21. Rabbits Ph. D. Thesis Rabbit’s Ph. D. Thesis: A Parable for Graduate Students Scene: It’s a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk. Fox: “What are you working on?” Rabbit: “My thesis.” Fox: “Hmmm. What’s it about?” Rabbit: “Oh, I’m […]...
22. A Family Party I visit my Hometown about once a year. This year, I was In town for about five days and there was a family Get-together. It wasn’t a Family reunion since it was just my Immediate family, but still, there were a total of about 45 people who Showed up. Our family parties are always held […]...
23. 97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed 97 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed. He says “Doc, I think I’m impotent.” Doctor sits him down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some decrease in sexual desire. How the […]...
24. Doctor’s compliment A lady came to see a doctor because of sharp pain in her stomack. After examining his patient doctor gave out the diagnosis: – Madam, you have acute appendicitis. – Thank you, Doctor, but I came to be treated not admired....
25. Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first man, “What is three times three?” “274,” was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?” “Tuesday,” replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, […]...
26. At the doctor’s – У доктора Is there anything more important than health? I don’t think so. “Health is the greatest wealth,” wise people say. You can’t be good at your studies or work well when you are ill. If you have a headache, heartache, toothache, backache, earache or bad pain in the stomach, if you complain of a sore throat […]...
27. Перевод слова rabbit Rabbit – кролик Перевод слова Rabbit hole – кроличья нора rabbit hutch – клетка для кроликов domestic rabbit – домашний кролик jack rabbit – американский заяц We bagged a Rabbit. Мы засунули в мешок кролика. The kids are building a Rabbit run. Дети строят норку для кролика. Keep still, or you’ll frighten the Rabbit away. […]...
28. A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor. He says “Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.” The Doctor says “Why?!? Is she sexually active?” The guy says “Nah, she just lies there like her mother.” Sent by soh...
29. A man walks into a doctor office A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”...
30. Перевод слова doctor Doctor – врач, доктор Перевод слова To call a doctor – вызвать врача doctor’s degree – докторская степень to go to the doctor’s – пойти к врачу My head reels, Doctor. Доктор, у меня кружится голова. Let me by, I’m a Doctor. Пропустите меня, я доктор. You want to see a Doctor. Тебе следует показаться […]...
31. Doctor-Patient Confidentiality Dr. Green: Can I Consult you on a case of Medical ethics? Dr. Hause: Sure, I’m not a lawyer, but I can give you my opinion as another doctor. Dr. Green: That’s what I’m looking for, your honest opinion. I have a Patient who has a medical condition that can be Spread to her family, […]...
32. A construction worker goes to the doctor and says A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I’m constipated.” The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, “Lean over the table.” The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a […]...
33. A man goes to the doctor with a long history of A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. “Listen,” says the Doctor, “I have migraines, too and the advice I’m going […]...
34. An elderly couple walk into a doctor office An elderly couple walk into a doctor’s office. The man tells the doctor, “Doctor, we want to have a baby.” The doctor replies,”At your age I don’t think it’s possible, but I’ll give you a jar, come back in a few days with a sperm sample.” So the couple comes back a few days later. […]...
35. Значение идиомы couch doctor [couch doctor] {n.}, {slang}, {colloquial} A psychoanalyst who puts his patients on a couch following the practice established by Sigmund Freud. I didn’t know your husband was a couch doctor, I thought he was a gynecologist!...
36. A man goes to the doctor A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.” The doctor asks, “What do you mean?” The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee – OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.” The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong […]...
37. Family Life – Семейная жизнь Family is very important for every person. It’s a special unit of society, which matters the most. The human nature has a need to always communicate, to have friends, partners and children, to share emotions and experience. So, loneliness is a bit unnatural for people. For this reasons everybody has a family. It isn’t surprising […]...
38. A cure for a headache Phil was at the bar one night, and complained about having a headache. “I’ve got a beaut cure for a headache,” said his mate Trev. “Whenever I have a headache I head home and I get my wife to give me a long, slow, wet blowjob. Never fails.” A week went by and they were […]...
39. Setting Up Conference Calls and Videoconferences Ewan: Who’s running the Videoconference next week? Petra: I am. Desmond put me in charge of it last week. Ewan: Oh, somebody’s Moving up in the world. It’s nice that he’s giving you more responsibility. Petra: Yeah, but I’m not sure I’m ready. Ewan: I’ve set up Conference calls and videoconferences before. Maybe you can […]...
40. The first engineer calls out to the other The first engineer calls out to the other, “Hey–Nice bike! Where did you get it?” “Well,” replies the other, “I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says ‘you can have ANYTHING you want!'” “Good […]...