The homework schedule

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1. Teaching Teaching The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: “What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?” The […]...
2. A little boy was excited about his first day at school A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked […]...
3. A young female teacher was giving an assignment A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just […]...
4. Taking a Campus Tour Ji Won: Come on, Dad, the Campus tour starts over there. The Guide is ready to begin the Walking tour. Guide: Welcome, Prospective students and your parents. My name is Jaime and I’ll be conducting your tour today. This tour will last about an hour, and we’ll be making frequent Stops so I can Point […]...
5. Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises Late one night, little Johnny woke up to the some loud noises coming from his parents’ bedroom. He got out of bed and walked down the hall towards his parents room. Before he made it to the end of the hall, the noises had ceased and the bathroom light had gone on. Little Johnny walked […]...
6. Перевод слова assignment Assignment – назначение, распределение; задание Перевод слова Dangerous assignment – опасное задание special assignment – специальное задание assignment switch – распределитель вызовов The reporter is here on Assignment. Репортер здесь на задании. The students were given a homework Assignment. Студенты получили домашнее задание. He’s fussing about his new Assignment. Он волнуется о своем новом назначении. […]...
7. Chemistry song 01 The Chemistry Teacher’s Coming to Town You better not weigh You better not heat You better not react I’m telling you now The Chemistry Teacher’s coming to town. He’s collecting data He’s checking it twice He’s gonna find out The heat of melting ice The Chemistry Teacher’s coming to town. He sees you when you’re […]...
8. My dog ate my homework “Johnny, where’s your homework?” Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. “My dog ate it,” was his solemn response. “Johnny, I’ve been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?” “It’s true, Miss Martin, I swear,” insisted Johnny. “I had to force him, but […]...
9. Перевод слова explanation Explanation – пояснение, разъяснение, оправдание Перевод слова After repeated explanations – после неоднократных объяснений by way of explanation – в пояснение, для ясности in explanation of his conduct – в оправдание своего поведения She left the room without Explanation. Она покинула комнату без объяснений. There’s probably a perfectly simple Explanation for all this. Этому, вероятно, […]...
10. SCHEDULE OF A MAN A MAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pass gas. 3. Drink cup of black coffee. 4. Pass gas. 5. Dress, skipping shower because “alarm didn’t work”. 6. Pass gas. 7. Log on to computer to check porn site before leaving for work. Pass gas while “enjoying” favorite site. 6. Drive to work. Pass gas at […]...
11. A psychology student at a local university A psychology student at a local university was sent on a field assignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis balls everywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered “When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro.” […]...
12. We have new babies For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about […]...
13. “Распорядок дня” (My daily schedule) Our dynamic life is full of different activities, and I believe that it is very helpful when you have a scheduled daily routine because it can save your time. I am a schoolboy at present, so let me tell you some words about my daily schedule. I am not an early bird but as a […]...
14. Alphabet Kid: Teacher can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: You have to say your ABC’s first Kid: Ok, a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, q, r, s, t, u, v, w. x. y, and z Teacher: Where’s the p? Kid: It’s running down my leg!! Sent […]...
15. Meeting the Future In-laws Atsushi: I don’t mind telling you that I’m really Nervous about meeting your parents. Scarlet: You look like you’re going To face the firing squad. It’s not going to be that bad. Atsushi: I wish I could believe that. I’m going to try to make a good First impression, but I don’t think they’re going […]...
16. Перевод слова guide Guide – гид, экскурсовод; справочник; направлять, руководить Перевод слова Museum guide – музейный гид, экскурсовод to guide the state – руководить государством to guide the steps of smb. – направлять чьи-л. шаги postal guide – почтовый справочник The feelings are dangerous Guides. Чувства – опасные советчики. The stars will Guide us back. На обратном пути […]...
17. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you […]...
18. One day a teacher was teaching religion One day a teacher was teaching religion, when she asked the class “What part of your body do you think goes up to heaven first?” Two children rose their hand. One was little Johnny. Hesitant to pick on him she chose little Mary. “I think your heart goes first because, that’s were your emotions of […]...
19. How to write a paper 1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils. 2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 4. Stop off at the third floor, on the way back […]...
20. Touring South America A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist […]...
21. Перевод слова bathroom Bathroom – ванная комната, уборная Перевод слова Bathroom fitment – сантехника hog the bathroom – занять надолго ванную и никого туда не пускать bathroom pod – санкабина The Bathroom is occupied. Ванная занята. The Bathroom’s a bit chilly. В ванной комнате прохладно. The Bathroom is up the stairs. Ванная комната вверх по лестнице. Происхождение слова […]...
22. Homework One day, when Billy came home from school, his mom asked him how his day went. He said, “We’re learning about sexual education.” She smiled, and said, “At least he’s learning something usefull.” Billy went up to his room. A little later, Billy’s mom went up to his room to call him down to dinner. […]...
23. Early withdrawals The husband was furious when he found out the checking account was empty. When he confronted his wife, she simply said, “It’s my turn.” “What do you mean, your turn?” yelled the husband. “In bed,” she explained, “you’ve been making early withdrawals for years. Now, it’s my turn.”...
24. A good student It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his […]...
25. Rich Kids on Instagram Are Revealing Their Parents’ Shadiness to Investigators Instagram posts by rich kids have led to more incriminating evidence for prosecutors about their parents’ fraud schemes, The Guardian reports. Leading cybersecurity firms told the site they have been using social media evidence to nail fraud and assets in up to 75 percent of their cases. Managing director of cybersecurity and investigations at Kroll […]...
26. Famous Quotes One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour.” Little Suzy instantly jumped up […]...
27. Tour near glaciers The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual guide and his response to questions. Swiss mountain guides who always do the same trails can get tired answering the same questions over and over. One time an English tourist was giving his guide an especially hard time with silly questions. They were walking […]...
28. Перевод слова student Student – студент, курсант Перевод слова Student-curated exhibition – выставка, организованная студентами student demonstration – студенческая демонстрация student driver – лицо, обучающееся вождению She was an average Student. Она была обычной студенткой. Assign each Student a partner. Назначьте каждому студенту напарника. He is a Student of the occult. Он изучает оккультизм....
29. Count till fifty The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like “cunt” and “cock” scrawled all over the blackboard. “Children,” she said, addressing the classroom, “you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we’re all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I […]...
30. Education as it is – Ценность образования без прикрас In times of high unemployment, many people work hard for exams to give themselves a better chance of getting a good job. And there are only few high-fliers who have come to the top without being born with a silver spoon in their mouth and without getting A grades in their exams. So we see […]...
31. How does physics save lives? One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask “Why do we have to learn this stuff?” “To save lives.” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted. “It […]...
32. A WOMANS SCHEDULE A WOMAN’S SCHEDULE 1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don’t have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger […]...
33. Winnie The???? “Winnie The????” It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas. So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone 1 thing she […]...
34. A man and a woman are sitting next to each other A man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. “My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,” she said. “What a coincidence! My wife just left me,” said the man, “she […]...
35. Homework В топике Домашнее задание автор приводит аргументы “за и против” слишком больших по объему домашних заданий. Конечно, чем больше учиться и повторять материал, тем легче будет поступить в ВУЗ. Но, проводя много времени, выполняя домашнее задание, можно потерять в общении с друзьями, испортить зрение и т. п. Вывод: объем домашнего задания должен быть оптимальным, за […]...
36. A man running a little behind schedule arrives A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying […]...
37. Перевод слова homework Homework – домашнее задание; надомная работа Перевод слова To do homework – учить уроки to beaver away at one’s homework – делать уроки algebra homework – домашнее задание по алгебре His wife tries to eke out their scanty income by Homework. Его жена пытается пополнить их скудные доходы надомной работой. Did you finish your Homework? […]...
38. A new method It’s the first day of school and the teacher told her kindergarten class, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, you should hold up two fingers.” After a moment of quiet thought, Little Johnny asked: “How will that help?”...
39. Перевод идиомы turn a blind eye (to someone or something), значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: turn a blind eye (to someone or something) Перевод: делать вид, что не замечать что-либо; закрывать на что-либо глаза Пример: Our teacher usually turns a blind eye to the fact that the student often comes to school a few minutes late. Наш учитель обычно закрывает глаза на то, что этот ученик часто опаздывает на […]...
40. A little period The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he […]...