Main Vice President

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1. It had taken him several months, but the executive vice presidentIt had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way. «And just where have you been until this hour?» demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home. ... Читать далее...
2. A Trip to the Jewelry StoreMy wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started ... Читать далее...
3. A Trip to the Jewelry StoreMy wife’s birthday was Coming up And I wanted to get her a special Present. She always tells me to not to Splurge on gifts for her but For once, I decided To pull out all the stops. I went to the Jewelry Store and began looking at all of the Display cases. I started ... Читать далее...
4. Перевод слова viceVice — порок, зло, недостаток, дефект; заместитель Перевод слова Sunk in vice — погрязший в пороке vices of drawing — ошибки в рисунке vice chairman — вице-председатель He sank into Vice. Он погряз в пороке. Eating too much is my Vice. Обжорство — мой порок. He was nominated as Vice chairman. Он был назначен на ... Читать далее...
5. Перевод слова groceryGrocery — бакалейная лавка, бакалея Перевод слова To be in the grocery business — торговать бакалейными товарами grocery goods — бакалейные товары bookkeeper in a grocery — счетовод в бакалейной лавке grocery store — бакалейный магазин I’ll swing by the Grocery store on my way. Я заскочу в продуктовый магазин по пути. I make weekly ... Читать далее...
6. Перевод слова vice versaVice versa — наоборот, обратно Перевод слова I like her and Vice versa. Она мне нравится, и это взаимно. He calls black white and Vice versa. Он называет черное белым и наоборот. Every debit must have a corresponding credit and Vice-versa. К каждой записи по дебету должна существовать корреспондирующая запись по кредиту и наоборот....
7. The company president called the chief security guardThe company president called the chief security guard into his office. «Chuck, we’ve received a complaint from one of the employees that you are making obscene sexual comments and putting your hands where they don’t belong. These unwanted advances will have to stop.» Chuck looked down at his feet and mumbled, «I’m sorry, Sir. I ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова presidentPresident — президент Перевод слова Campaign for the president — кампания кандидата в президенты a consultant to the President on foreign policy — советник президента по внешней политике acting president — временно исполняющий обязанности президента incoming president — вновь избранный президент The President declared war. Президент объявил войну. He could end up as President. Oн ... Читать далее...
9. President Carter’s jokeIn an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke. He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story ... Читать далее...
10. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
11. President precedentDifference Between a Bad *President* and a Bad *Precedent* … BAD *PRECEDENT: Tipper: «How does it feel to be the big man, Hon?» Al: «Well Tip, it took 17 lawsuits and 18 months of election recounts, but I’d do it all again.» … BAD *PRESIDENT: Mr. Bush, repeat after me. I do solemnly swear — ... Читать далее...
12. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
13. Two AA batteriesWoman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, «Come this way,» and heads towards the back of the store. «If I could come that way,» she tells the retreating clerk, «I wouldn’t need the batteries.»...
14. What Not to Name Your DogEverybody has a dog called Rover or Spot. I call my dog «Sex». When I went to city hall to buy a licence I told the clerk I wanted a licence for Sex. He said «I’d like one too.» But then I said «This is a dog.» He said he didn’t care what she looked ... Читать далее...
15. A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peersA drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some «real» musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says «I’ll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion.» The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies «OK, ... Читать далее...
16. In light of the latest allegations against President ClintonIn light of the latest allegations against President Clinton, Woodward and Bernstein of Watergate fame are in negotiations with publishers to write a new book about the scandal. Working title: «All the President’s Women.»...
17. Jerry Falwell was seated next to President ClintonJerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like drink. The minister replied ... Читать далее...
18. Candidate Clinton vs President ClintonCandidate Bill Clinton: Cut taxes for middle class President Bill Clinton: Wants to raise them Candidate Bill Clinton: Vowed not to tamper with Social Security President Bill Clinton: Wants to tax more SS benefits Candidate Bill Clinton: Proposed energy tax cuts President Bill Clinton: Wants energy tax increases Candidate Bill Clinton: Claimed he had the ... Читать далее...
19. Some of the myths about marriageTOP15.Some of the myths about marriage… Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: «I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.» The husband says: «WHAT??» The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional ... Читать далее...
20. President Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball gamePresident Clinton and his wife are at the first baseball game of the season. At the start of the game the pitcher comes up in the stands and whispers something in Clinton’s ear. All of a sudden Clinton looks at Hillary and yells, «Okay, Hillary, GET OUT!». She looks surprised but leaves. The pitcher looks ... Читать далее...
21. Значение идиомы out on the town[out on the town] {adv. phr.} Going from one bar or restaurant tothe next in order to celebrate an event. They all went out on thetown to celebrate his promotion to vice president....
22. A technical bastardA couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn’t, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, ... Читать далее...
23. President Clinton, returning from a campaign stopPresident Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. «I’d salute ... Читать далее...
24. Different TreatmentsA doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor. He gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests, then concluded, «Yes, I am happy ... Читать далее...
25. The President of the United States — Президент Соединенных ШтатовDo you want to be President of the United States of America? Maybe you can apply for the post. Answer these three questions. Are you a US citizen? Are you thirty-five years old or older? Have you been a resident of the United States for fourteen years or longer? Did you say «yes» to all ... Читать далее...
26. Please show the I. DThe following supposedly a true story. This guy walked into a little corner store with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the ... Читать далее...
27. The first Jewish woman President is electedThe first Jewish woman President is elected. She calls her Mother: «Mama, I’ve won the elections, you’ve got to come to the swearing-in ceremony.» «I don’t know, what would I wear?» «Don’t worry, I’ll send you a dressmaker» «But I only eat kosher food» «Mama, I am going to be the president, I can get ... Читать далее...
28. A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condomA man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there’s no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it’s a good thing. The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and once again ... Читать далее...
29. Better relationshipA man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. «Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.» «What’s the problem?» the docotor inquired. «Well, I’m 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away.» ... Читать далее...
30. When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longerWhen the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted. But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist. While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery. The patient’s wife ... Читать далее...
31. How to Hunt Elephants — VP StyleWhen the Vice President of R&D tries to hunt elephants, his staff will try to ensure that all elephants are completely prehunted before he sees them. If the VP sees a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) Compliment the vice president’s keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence. Sent by Alex...
32. Ten Ways That Carter Influenced Translation — and Vice VersaCan translation shape a presidency? As I argue in a new book, Found in Translation, it can influence the world as we know it. So, it shouldn’t be difficult to believe that translation affects the oval office in more ways than most people realize. Likewise, the commander-in-chief has extraordinary power to shape policy related to ... Читать далее...
33. A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrotA guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. «This one’s $5,000 and the other is $10,000.» the clerk said. «Wow! What does the $5,000 one do?» «This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote.» «And the other?» said the customer. ... Читать далее...
34. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
35. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
36. Giving Birth in a HospitalIt was 2 o’clock in the morning when my wife woke me up. She is eight-and-a-half months Pregnant and she told me that her Water had broken. She said that she was having Contractions and she was sure that she was In labor. I Paged our doctor and drove to the hospital. When we arrived, ... Читать далее...
37. If she went out with meA man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn’t smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers. In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town’s football team. He was bragging about his ... Читать далее...
38. I’ll use my Seeing Eye DogA blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite ... Читать далее...
39. Next US PresidentA redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist: «I’d like to become the next President of the United States.» The receptionist: «What are you, an idiot?» Redneck: «Why, is it required?»...
40. Перевод слова promotionPromotion — продвижение, содействие, повышение по службе Перевод слова Circulation promotion — стимулирование роста тиража a promotion to captain — производство в звание капитана sales promotion devices — способ продвижения товаров She was aiming for a Promotion. Она стремилась получить повышение. I want a job with good prospects for Promotion. Я хочу работу с хорошими ... Читать далее...