Gift for a birthday

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1. What day is today Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he answered as if he was offended,... ...
2. One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor One afternoon this young girl knocked on the door of her neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. She walked in and said my god you look so depressed. She... ...
3. A small mixup A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant owner had been sent a funeral wreath... ...
4. Jesus has risen Easter is approaching. Father O’Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar. The catholic florist – $ 300. “Too expensive” moans the priest. The protestant florist – $... ...
5. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted... ...
6. My Birthday I was born on the 22nd of March. Birthday is a very remarkable day for me. It is spring and the weather is fine. In the morning my parents come... ...
7. The Young Mans Big Mouth The Young Man’s Big Mouth A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and... ...
8. Перевод слова deliver Deliver – доставлять, разносить, передавать Перевод слова To deliver an order to smb. – отдавать приказ кому-л. to deliver letters – разносить письма to deliver services – предоставлять, оказывать услуги... ...
9. A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him. After some preliminary drinks and talk, they got undressed, climbed into bed and generally got... ...
10. Barber gives free cuts A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning... ...
11. Groundhog Day “I bet you don’t know what day this is”, said the wife to her husband as he made his way out the front door. The husband was perplexed, but was... ...
12. There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam There were two bulls, a young one named George and an old one named Sam. It was that time of year to satisfy the local female population, and young George... ...
13. A Blonde A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the... ...
14. A customer walks into a restaurant and notices A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.” When his waitress arrives, he orders... ...
15. The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn’t bat an eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. “What are you going to use it for?” she asked. “None... ...
16. An amazing foreboding Fellow 1 : “Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but... ...
17. A customer walks into a pharmacy A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don’t stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one... ...
18. The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: “I would like... ...
19. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the... ...
20. Gimme some aspirin! Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later... ...
21. A delicacy An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next... ...
22. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. “We have come for an examination,” said the young girl. “Alright,” said the doctor. “Go behind... ...
23. Перевод слова dozen Dozen – дюжина, множество Перевод слова Round dozen – ровно дюжина in dozens, by the dozen – дюжинами dozens of people – множество людей How much are eggs per Dozen?... ...
24. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl.... ...
25. For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle For his birthday, Little Johnny asked for a 10 speed bicycle. His father said, “Son, we’d love to give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and... ...
26. Excerpts from the rural life A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says “Ok, old... ...
27. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?”... ...
28. О моем Дне рождения (My birthday) My birthday is one of my favourite holidays. It is a wonderful chance to spend the time with your family and friends, with the people who really love you and... ...
29. Idiots on the computer Any time you feel dumb, don’t worry. Check out the following excerpts from a “Wall Street Journal” article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you. 1. Compaq... ...
30. A customer sent an order to a distributor A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid.... ...
31. Значение идиомы look a gift horse in the mouth [look a gift horse in the mouth] To complain if a gift is notperfect. – A proverb. Usually used with a negative. John gave Joe abaseball but Joe complained that... ...
32. Перевод слова customer Customer – покупатель, клиент Перевод слова Customer service – служба работы с покупателями at customer’s discretion – на усмотрение заказчика potential customer – потенциальный клиент She is one of our... ...
33. What marketing is Now I understand what marketing is: You are at a party and you see a very pretty girl. You approach her and tell her: “I am very good in bed”.... ...
34. Перевод слова young Young – молодой, юный Перевод слова Robust young man – здоровый крепкий юноша young fellow – молодой человек young idea – свежая идея A Young cat is a kitten. Маленькую... ...
35. Space shuttle mission to the Moon There’s a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board. The headquarters in the US calls: “Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to coms for... ...
36. At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry At the ripe old age of 77, grandpa had decided to marry a young girl of 20. Grandpa’s doctor tried to explain that at his age sex with a young... ...
37. A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer. One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man... ...
38. The Gift of the Magi на английском языке писателя O. Henry One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies. Pennies saved one and two at a time by bulldozing the grocer and the... ...
39. Значение идиомы out of order [out of order] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. In the wrong order; notcoming after one another in the right way. Peter wrote the words ofthe sentence out of order. Don’t... ...
40. Перевод слова fellow Fellow – человек, парень, тип; товарищ, собрат Перевод слова A fellow can’t work all day long – не может же человек работать весь день jolly fellow – веселый малый fellows... ...