A fellow picked up a girl in a bar and took her home with him

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1. This fellow comes to confession This fellow comes to confession. “Father, he said, forgive me for I have sinned.” The priest asked, “What did you do, my son?” “I lusted,” the fellow replied. “Tell me about it,” the priest said. The fellow then related his story. “Father, I am a deliveryman for UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in […]...
2. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where y’all from?” The New York girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.” The […]...
3. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
4. The golf course A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you […]...
5. A little girl was out with her Grandmother A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk. “What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl. The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.” They’re […]...
6. A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic A fellow was following a truck in heavy traffic. Every block or so, when they were stopped at a stop light, the driver of the truck would jump out of the cab with a big stick and bang on the side of the cargo bay. He’d then jump back into the cab in time to […]...
7. A fellow decides to take off early from work A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he […]...
8. Barry took a girl out on her first date Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, “My mother told me to say no to everything.” “Well,” Barry said, “do you mind if I put my arm around you?” “No,” the girl replied. “Do you mind if I put my […]...
9. On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks On a first date, a guy escorts a girl home and asks: Guy: Can I come up for a cup of coffee? Girl: Actually, I never invite guys over on a first date. The guy thinks for a minute and says: Well, what about the last date?...
10. Перевод слова fellow Fellow – человек, парень, тип; товарищ, собрат Перевод слова A fellow can’t work all day long – не может же человек работать весь день jolly fellow – веселый малый fellows at school – товарищи по школе Oh, isn’t he a duck of a Fellow? Не правда ли, он просто прелесть? A tight Fellow! Хороший парень! […]...
11. A little girl came running into the house crying A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider. “Why do you want cider?” asked Mom. “To take the pain away,” sobbed the little girl. Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass. The little […]...
12. A little girl was walking along a beach in California A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, “What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?” The man said, “Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!” The man thought nothing of […]...
13. A girl called the police department and reported that A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, “When did this happen?” She replied, “Last week.” The police then asked, “Why did you wait until now to report it?” Well,” she said. “I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.”...
14. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a […]...
15. Last minute requests A man woke up in a hospital bed and called for his doctor. He asked, “Give it to me straight. How long have I got?” The physician replied that he doubted that the man would survive the night. The man then said, “Call for my lawyer.” When the lawyer arrived, the man asked for his […]...
16. A fellow in a bar notices a woman A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, who comes in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. “No thank you,” she said politely.” “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.” “That […]...
17. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
18. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
19. Help the lonely child Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all […]...
20. A girl runs home to her mother crying A girl runs home to her mother crying, “I can’t marry Joe! He’s an atheist! He doesn’t believe in God or Jesus or anything! “Don’t worry, Honey,” said her mom. “But Mom, he doesn’t even believe in Hell! “Don’t worry, Honey,” repeated her mom, “you marry him…and we’ll convince him!”...
21. Little Mermaid Three fellows walking along the beach noticed a mermaid sitting on a rock swishing her tail in the foam. The first man waded out to her and said, Hello mermaid! Have you ever been kissed?” She replied, “no sir!” So he kissed her quite thoroughly and asked, “Did you like that?” “Oh, indeed I did, […]...
22. A little girl was playing up a tree near a church A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was taking a walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. She had no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pair of panties. The girl was so happy and […]...
23. Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. “Mommy,” she said, “I’d like you to answer one question.” “Very good,” replied her mother, “I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees.” “It’s not that,” said the girl. “I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how […]...
24. A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist A profoundly ugly girl went to the psychiatrist. “My life is a mess, doctor,” she began, “I am so fucking hideous that no one will associate with me, touch me, or even talk to me. Can you help?” “Why, certainly! Helping people feel much better about themselves is my area of expertise. I can start […]...
25. A man was riding in the back of his limousine A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man. “I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “Oh, please come […]...
26. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said “you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too […]...
27. Meet Temar Boggs, rescuer of a kidnapped little girl Temar Boggs is a 15-year-old student who lives in Lancaster, Pa. He loves playing sports, hanging out with friends, skateboarding and biking. Add “being a hero” to the list. Temar was having an average summer day on July 11: he helped a neighbor move her couch, and then settled in to hang out with some […]...
28. Driving home very drunk It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before […]...
29. A young girl is with her dad at the barbers A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. “Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?” asked the barber. “Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!” said the girl!...
30. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
31. This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he This fellow was screwing his best friend’s wife when he suddenly stopped and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. “What the hell is your problem?” the lady asked. “I feel like a regular son of a bitch, getting my best friends pussy,” the man moaned. The lady reached […]...
32. Paddy was picked up on a rape charge Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room. Paddy jumped forward, and screamed “That’s her! That’s her! I’d recognize her anywhere!”...
33. A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?” The husband replied, “All I wanted to do […]...
34. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I […]...
35. A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show A young man took a girl out to dinner and a show. They got along very well, and when he asked her if she would like to come up to his apartment for a drink she agreed. After they were at the apartment a while, he asked if he could give her an old fashioned […]...
36. Значение идиомы hail-fellow-well-met [hail-fellow-well-met ] {adj. phr.} Talking easily and in afriendly way to everyone you meet. John won the election as classpresident because he was hail-fellow-well-met....
37. Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
38. Значение идиомы fellow traveller [fellow traveller] {n.} A sympathizer with a political movement whodoes not officially belong to the political party in question. ManyGermans after World War II were innocently accused of being fellowtravellers of Nazism. During the McCarthy era, many Americans wereaccused of being Communist fellow travellers....
39. A poor little girl was begging in the street A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by and the girl mumbled, “Please, sir, give me some money for a fix.” The man answers, astonished, “Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?” “I’m eight, sir.” “Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?” “Since I […]...
40. Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big-city church. “When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral,” Joe began. “You mean the parking lot,” interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow. “I walked up the trail to the door,” Joe […]...