A little girl was playing up a tree near a church

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1. A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. “Mommy,” she said. “Can we leave now?” “No,” her mother replied. “Well, I think I have to throw up!” “Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.” […]...
2. GIRL’S CONFESSION GIRL’S CONFESSION The priest leaned closer to hear the girl’s confession. “So me and my cousin were alone in the house,” she continued, “and went up to my bedroom…” “Go on, my child,” said the priest gently. “I lay down on the bed and Joe got on top of me and put his hand on […]...
3. Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl Sarah was a curious thirteen year old girl. “Mommy,” she said, “I’d like you to answer one question.” “Very good,” replied her mother, “I was wondering when you would become curious about birds, flowers and bees.” “It’s not that,” said the girl. “I know all about screwing. What I would like to know is how […]...
4. A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out […]...
5. One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl One day this old man was about to have sex with a young girl which he did not know. The old man began to put on his condom when the young girl asked him why is he putting one on. She said “you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant because you are too […]...
6. Little girl walks into the bathroom A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just come out of the shower. The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks “What’s that?” Her sister replies “That is my possum, sis!” The young girl replies “Oh, OK” The next day she sees her mother get out of the […]...
7. A young girl sees her father in the shower A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. “Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life,” he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, “Did he say anything about that dead branch they’re hanging on?”...
8. A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower. It’s at that moment she spots his penis. Pointing at it she says….. “Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?” The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks…. […]...
9. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom? Her […]...
10. A young peasant girl of fourteen A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, “But why?” he asked. “Nothin, I just wanna […]...
11. Why Jim Smith Lost His First Love Jim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, and after careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got […]...
12. An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office. “We have come for an examination,” said the young girl. “Alright,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.” “No, not me,” said the girl. “it’s my old aunt here.” “Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick […]...
13. A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel A little boy squirrel and a little girl squirrel were chattering and playing around when up comes a fox. The girl squirrel dashed up a tree, but the boy squirrel stayed on the ground. “That’s strange,” said the fox. “Usually squirrels are afraid of me and run to the nearest tree.” “Listen, bud,” replied the […]...
14. A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendly and all, said: “So, where y’all from?” The New York girl said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.” The […]...
15. The girl knelt in the confessional and said The girl knelt in the confessional and said, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.” “What is it, child?” “Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am.” The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and […]...
16. Перевод слова girl Girl – девочка, девушка Перевод слова Cool girl – клевая, классная девчонка eleven-year-old girl – одиннадцатилетняя девочка lovely girl – красивая девушка She is my best Girl. Она – моя возлюбленная. We had a little Girl. У нас была маленькая дочка. That Girl’s got class! Классная девчонка! Интересные факты Spice Girls – британская женская поп-группа, […]...
17. Значение идиомы girl friend [girl friend] {n.}, {informal} 1. A female friend or companion. Jane is spending the night at her girlfriend’s house. 2. A boy’ssteady girl; the girl or woman partner in a love affair; girl;sweetheart. John is taking his girl friend to the dance. Contrast:BOYFRIEND....
18. Christmas tree better Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman” A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past. A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb […]...
19. Перевод слова tree Tree – дерево Перевод слова To decorate a Christmas tree – наряжать елку to dig up a tree – выкопать дерево to fit a tree – подрубать дерево The car struck the Tree. Автомобиль врезался в дерево. Monkeys live in Trees. Обезьяны живут на деревьях. The Tree was about to fall. Дерево чуть не упало....
20. Meet Temar Boggs, rescuer of a kidnapped little girl Temar Boggs is a 15-year-old student who lives in Lancaster, Pa. He loves playing sports, hanging out with friends, skateboarding and biking. Add “being a hero” to the list. Temar was having an average summer day on July 11: he helped a neighbor move her couch, and then settled in to hang out with some […]...
21. A tree’s age ‘Now remember boys and girls,’ said the science teacher. ‘You can tell a tree’s age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.’ Alec went home for dinner and found they were having a jelly roll for dessert. ‘I’m not eating that, Mum,’ he said, ‘It’s five years old!’...
22. Fox urine spray thwarts tree thefts What can run a feral, East Campus cat off a liver truck and save a few trees in the process? Fox urine sprayed on pine and spruce trees might not make much sense to some people who know the beauty of East Campus’ Arboretum. But to the landscaping staff at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, it’s […]...
23. Barry took a girl out on her first date Barry took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, “My mother told me to say no to everything.” “Well,” Barry said, “do you mind if I put my arm around you?” “No,” the girl replied. “Do you mind if I put my […]...
24. The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor. The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. […]...
25. A college couple is under a tree on campus making out A college couple is under a tree on campus making out. After a while, the girl says, “I wish you had a flashlight.” He says, “Why’s that?” She says, “Because you’ve been eating grass for fifteen minutes.”...
26. Значение идиомы up a tree [up a tree] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. Hunted or chased into a tree;treed. The dog drove the coon up a tree so the hunter could shoothim. 2. {informal} in trouble; having problems; in a difficulty thatit is hard to escape or think of a way out of. John’s father hashim up a tree in […]...
27. On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. “Would it be right,” he asked, “for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?” “Absolutely not!” replied the pastor. “In that case,” said the young man, “I wonder if you’d consider returning the hundred dollars I paid […]...
28. An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18 An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. “Oh honey”, said the young nymph, “Does that mean we’re going to do it three times?” “No”, said the old man, “It means you can take your pick.”...
29. After church on Sunday morning, a young boy After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to be a minister when I grow up. “That’s okay with us,” the mother said, “But what made you decide to be a minister?” “Well,” the boy replied, “I’ll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, […]...
30. A Girl Scout troop leader A Girl Scout troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a young couple was engaged in oral sex. “Back ladies, back!” cried the leader. “There’s a very dangerous beast out there!” But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was […]...
31. Значение идиомы pinup girl [pinup girl] {v. phr.} An attractive girl whose picture is pinnedor tacked to the wall by an admirer. Some Hollywood actresses areunderstandably very popular pinup girls among male soldiers....
32. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
33. A young girl is with her dad at the barbers A young girl is with her dad at the barbers eating some candy, when it slips from her fingers into a pile of hair on the floor. “Oh dear, have you got hair on your candy?” asked the barber. “Don’t be so stupid, I’m only three!!” said the girl!...
34. A little girl was walking along a beach in California A little girl was walking along a beach in California when she came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspaper covering his genitals. The little girl said, “What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?” The man said, “Nothing, it’s just a bird, now go away!” The man thought nothing of […]...
35. When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no passion.. So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I needed a girl with some stability.. I […]...
36. On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their daily business. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other – a star of David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to the cross wearer and the other was overlooked. Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and […]...
37. Значение идиомы bark up the wrong tree [bark up the wrong tree] {v. phr.}, {informal} To choose the wrong person to deal with or the wrong course of action; mistake an aim. If he thinks he can fool me, he is barking up the wrong tree. He is barking up the wrong tree when he blames his troubles on bad luck. The […]...
38. A young girl had not been feeling well A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. “Young lady,” the doctor began, “you’re pregnant.” “But that can’t be. The only men I’ve been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes.” “Well my dear,” said the doctor, “someone in that colony is […]...
39. A poor little girl was begging in the street A poor little girl was begging in the street. A man passed by and the girl mumbled, “Please, sir, give me some money for a fix.” The man answers, astonished, “Good heavens! But, how old are you, little girl?” “I’m eight, sir.” “Oh, my God, and how long have you been into drugs?” “Since I […]...
40. Confession The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret and he tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, “Father, I never wears panties under my habit.” The priest chuckles and says, “That’s not so serious. Say five Hail […]...