George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard VI

Related topics:

1. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IIUse computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like «work» to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would ... Читать далее...
2. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IXBuild Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive....
3. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IGeorge Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re ... Читать далее...
4. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IVVoice Mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don’t call you just because they want to give you something for nothing — they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That’s no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail ... Читать далее...
5. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IIIMessy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you ... Читать далее...
6. Time Off from WorkMy buddy from college, Jack, was getting married and our friend Rob was planning a Bachelor party for him in Vegas. It was going to be the Last weekend of the month and I wanted to go. The trouble was, I was scheduled to work that weekend. I needed to get the Time off from ... Читать далее...
7. Working for an Impossible BossMr. Mann: Why are all these people Milling around doing no work? Laura! You’re In charge when I’m out of the office and you’re Incompetent! Laura: Mr. Mann, we need to talk in private. Let’s go into your office. Mr. Mann: What is this about? Laura: Mr. Mann, I’ve tried to do my job the ... Читать далее...
8. Working Late at the OfficeI was so glad it was Friday afternoon. I’ve been thinking-TGIF-all day. I was On my way out of the office when I saw Nick sitting at his desk. Even though the office was nearly empty, he didn’t look like he was ready to leave. In fact, he looked like he was still Swamped with ... Читать далее...
9. Значение идиомы leave in the lurch[leave in the lurch] {v. phr.} To desert or leave alone in trouble;refuse to help or support. The town bully caught Eddie, and Tomleft him in the lurch. Bill quit his job, leaving his boss in thelurch. Compare: LEAVE FLAT, HIGH AND DRY, WALK OUT....
10. Working from a Home OfficeAdrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people ... Читать далее...
11. Jon starts working in a lumber campJon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, «We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday.» Jon says, «Why not Thursday?» The boss says, «Because Thursday ... Читать далее...
12. The last day working«You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……» You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, «What’s this?», you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, «I waited on the last fat ugly old ... Читать далее...
13. Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morningTom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went ... Читать далее...
14. My Working Day (3)В топике Мой рабочий День (3) я рассказываю, как обычно проходит мой день. Мы встаем в 6 часов утра, завтракаем, выгуливаем и кормим собаку и отправляемся на работу. Я подвожу Марту до работы, затем еду в институт, паркую машину и отправляюсь в офис, где работаю до 4:30 дня, затем возвращаюсь, вместе с Мартой, домой. Вечером ... Читать далее...
15. Stop being late to workTom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went ... Читать далее...
16. The pretty secretary came in late for work the third dayThe pretty secretary came in late for work the third day in a row. The boss called her into his office and said, «Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that’s over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. The boss pressed on, ... Читать далее...
17. My Working Day (5)В топике Мой рабочий день (5) я рассказываю, как я провожу свой день. Утром, встав в 7 часов, я делаю зарядку, застилаю постель, умываюсь, одеваюсь, завтракаю и в 8 утра выхожу из дома. В школе уроки начинаются в 9 часов утра. После школы я возвращаюсь домой, обедаю в 3 часа дня, отдыхаю, выполняю домашнее задание ... Читать далее...
18. A young bloke has started work on a propertyA young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he’s half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he’s all right. «I’ve got a problem, Boss. I’m stuck ‘ere. I’ve hit a ... Читать далее...
19. Dealing With a MistakeBoss: What is going on here?! Jenny: There was a Miscommunication. Boss: A miscommunication?! There are 16 Copiers in this office. Who ordered 16 copiers? Jenny: No one did. Clearly Wires got crossed somewhere. I’ll try To get to the bottom of this, but the copiers will be removed before lunch. Boss: I can’t even ... Читать далее...
20. Play the Office GameHere’s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they’re not looking, pour ... Читать далее...
21. Working With Unreliable PeoplePaul: What time is it? Jackie: It’s 2:30. The Cleveland office report should have been emailed to us by the end of the workday yesterday. What are we supposed to do now? Paul: If we don’t get their report, we’ll have To hold up the production of the Annual report and if that happens, somebody’s ... Читать далее...
22. My Working Day — Мой рабочий день (5)When I studied at school, my everyday activities were quite routine. They did not differ much from those of any other pupil in our country. On weekdays the alarm clock waked me up at 7 o’clock in the morning. I’m not an early riser. That’s why it was always very difficult for me to get ... Читать далее...
23. Who is doing the work around here?The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work. People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work. Because of the 31 million government employees, there are ... Читать далее...
24. My Working Day (4)В топике Мой рабочий день (4) я рассказываю, как проходит мой обычный день и учеба в институте. Встав в 7 часов утра, я делаю зарядку, умываюсь, одеваюсь, завтракаю и иду в институт. Занятия начинаются ровно в 9 часов утра. Обычно, у нас несколько занятий в день по разным предметам. В 6 часов вечера я прихожу ... Читать далее...
25. Dealing With a Language BarrierCarol: Send another Memo to the Gibberese office. I think we Have our wires crossed again. Art: Don’t you think it would be better to call the office and speak to someone there? You might be able To get to the bottom of the Misunderstanding more quickly. Carol: I don’t speak Gibberish and we don’t ... Читать далее...
26. My Working Day (6)В топике Мой рабочий день (6) я рассказываю о буднем дне и о занятиях в школе (или на работе). По утрам я встаю в 7 часов утра, делаю зарядку, убираю постель, умываюсь, одеваюсь и завтракаю. Иногда я сама готовлю завтрак. После школы (или работы) я выполняю домашнее задание и некоторую работу по дому. Позже я ... Читать далее...
27. My future careerWhen you leave school you understand that the time to choose your future profession, your future life has become. It’s not easy to make the right choice of a job. I have known for long time that leaving school is the beginning of my independent life, the beginning of a far more serious examination of ... Читать далее...
28. Very depressed manThere’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, «Come on man, I ... Читать далее...
29. Paying the BillsGrace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus ... Читать далее...
30. Paying the BillsGrace: Did you already pay the Bills for this month? Will: No, I haven’t gotten around to it yet. Why? Grace: We got a Late notice from the credit card company. The notice says that they haven’t received the payment yet and it’s Past the due date. We are being charged a Late fee plus ... Читать далее...
31. The job security quizThe job security quiz will help judge how long you’ll end up at your current job and what will become of you. The boss appears at your cubicle and finds you playing DOOM at your desk, you… A. Swear to take the game off your hard drive forever, but first make a copy for his ... Читать далее...
32. Never say it at workTWELVE THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing. 2. If it’s really a «rush job,» run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it’s ... Читать далее...
33. Working as an InternJonas: How’s your new job? Crystal: It’s not a job Exactly. It’s an Internship. Jonas: Oh, so you’re working as somebody’s Lackey and getting paid a Pittance. Crystal: No, not exactly. I’m doing a lot of Scut work and I’m not getting paid a lot, but I’m getting very valuable On-the-job experience. Jonas: Sure you ... Читать далее...
34. Working on the roadA fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then ... Читать далее...
35. Working OvertimeJeremy: Hello. Miranda: Hi, it’s me. I can’t make it home for dinner tonight. I’m working Overtime. Jeremy: Again? That’s the third time this week. I can’t believe your boss is making you do this. Miranda: Don’t get mad, but I actually told him that I Didn’t mind. I know I’ve been working Long hours, ... Читать далее...
36. St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one dayAn Australian joke… St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo’s stroll up. «Your names aren’t on today’s list… let me go and ask the Boss» he says. In God’s office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo’s, and God tells Peter to go and ... Читать далее...
37. Jones came into the office an hour late for the third timeJones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. «What’s the story this time, Jones?» he asked sarcastically. «Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.» Jones sighed, «Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the ... Читать далее...
38. Buying A BullTwo sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last ... Читать далее...
39. The boss called one of his employees into the officeThe boss called one of his employees into the office. «Rob,» he said, «you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four ... Читать далее...
40. The Working Day of an EngineerВ топике Рабочий день инженера – я рассказываю о своем друге, инженере, работающем в одном из офисов Владивостока. Он работает по будням, его рабочий день длится 8 часов, в течение которых мой друг встречается с зарубежными специалистами, помогает начинающим инженерам, отвечает на запросы с других предприятий. Дмитрий очень любит свою работу, ведь она помогла ему ... Читать далее...