After working together for a while

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1. A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest A boy finished cutting the lawn of a priest…the grass was very thick and long, and it took the boy about 4 hours to cut. He approached the Father for payment and the priest paid him $1.00. The boy said “Thank you, virgin Father!” The priest replied, “What did you say?” The boy repeated, “Thank […]...
2. Jon starts working in a lumber camp Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, “We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday.” Jon says, “Why not Thursday?” The boss says, “Because Thursday […]...
3. The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle. He thought and thought about one clue, finally gave up and asked the Cardinal next to him, “What’s a four letter word, ending in U – N – T that means ‘woman’?” The Cardinal was working on his own puzzle and didn’t even bother to look up. […]...
4. You’re not going to believe this! A woman got a problem with her closet door – it was felling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man. The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by. “OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close […]...
5. There was three guys, one with a rubber There was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with […]...
6. The Australian way After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She […]...
7. A dentis appointment Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at 4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and Charley says, “Where have you been? You’re a 1/2 hour late.” Paul replies, “Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick’s been hurting bad.” Charley says, “If your dick’s been […]...
8. Значение идиомы working girl [working girl] {n.}, {slang} 1. Aprostitute. I didn’t know Roxanne was a working girl. 2. A girl, usually single, who supports herself by working in an honest job, suchas in an office, etc. The average working girl can’t afford such afancy car....
9. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two […]...
10. Final wish In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, he went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) […]...
11. A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. […]...
12. Doing Basic Exercises Jane: I’ve just had the best Workout at the Gym! Arnold: You don’t need to go to a gym To exercise. I exercise right here in my apartment. Jane: Oh, yeah? What can you do in this small space? Arnold: Nearly everything I need to do. Before I do my Calisthenics, I Stretch. And every […]...
13. A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, “What are you doing?” She replies, “I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old.” The husband retorts, “Well, what did he say about your 50 year […]...
14. Перевод слова tight Tight – тугой, плотно пригнанный Перевод слова Tight belt – туго затянутый пояс tight case – непромокаемый чехол the nut is tight – гайка завинчена до упора Hold on Tight! Держись крепче! The door was shut Tight. Дверь была плотно закрыта. I kept my eyes Tight shut. Я держал глаза плотно закрытыми....
15. Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together Two executives working in the garment center are having lunch together. Goldstein says to his friend, “Last week was one of the worst weeks of my entire life.” “What happened?” asks Birnbaum. Goldstein moans, “My wife and I went to Florida on vacation. It rained for seven days and seven nights, so my wife went […]...
16. Перевод идиомы supply and demand, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: supply and demand Перевод: спрос и предложение Пример: The supply and demand for used sporting equipment is always very tight. Спрос и предложение на подержанное спортивное оборудование всегда очень ровные....
17. While enjoying a drink with a mate one night While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into […]...
18. Значение идиомы tight squeeze [tight squeeze] {n. phr.} A difficult situation; financialtroubles. The Browns aren’t going out to dinner these days; theyare in a tight squeeze....
19. My Working Day В топике Мой рабочий день я рассказываю, как обычно проходит весь мой день. По утрам я умываюсь, завтракаю, собираю все письменные принадлежности, учебники и отправляюсь в университет. Мне нравится учиться в университете, потому что у студентов более свободный график, чем у учеников в школе. После занятий я возвращаюсь домой, обедаю и отправляюсь на спортивную площадку […]...
20. A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could A little Catholic kid was praying as hard as he could. ‘God,’ he prayed, ‘I really want a car.’ Jumping up and dashing to the window, he saw that the driveway was empty. ‘God,’ he prayed again, ‘I really NEED a car.’ Still no answer to his prayers. Suddenly the kid stood up, ran into […]...
21. Значение идиомы sit tight [sit tight] {v. phr.}, {informal} To make no move or change; staywhere you are. – Often used as a command. Sit tight; I’ll be readyto go in a few minutes. The doctor said to sit tight until hearrived. The gangsters sat tight in the mountains while the policelooked for them. Compare: STAND PAT....
22. Working Overtime Jeremy: Hello. Miranda: Hi, it’s me. I can’t make it home for dinner tonight. I’m working Overtime. Jeremy: Again? That’s the third time this week. I can’t believe your boss is making you do this. Miranda: Don’t get mad, but I actually told him that I Didn’t mind. I know I’ve been working Long hours, […]...
23. Christmas flavor Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering, they are told that they must present something with a flavor in order to get in. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some pine needles from the family’s Christmas […]...
24. A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.” Nine hands went up. “Why […]...
25. Working from a Home Office Adrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people […]...
26. Пословица / поговорка nothing succeeds like success – перевод и значение, пример использования Пословица / поговорка: nothing succeeds like success Перевод: успех способствует успеху Эквивалент в русском языке: кому поведется, у того и петух несется Пример: Nothing succeeds like success and after my sister got her first promotion she began to do better and better at her job. Ничто не способствует успеху, как успех, и после того, как […]...
27. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard III Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you […]...
28. An Expiring Business Lease Jane: Our Lease is up at the end of this year and we need To negotiate a new one. Monty: I know, but if I Bring it up first, the Landlord will think I’m Desperate to renew. Jane: We are desperate to renew. We’ve built our business here, and it would be really difficult To […]...
29. The Working Day of an Engineer В топике Рабочий день инженера – я рассказываю о своем друге, инженере, работающем в одном из офисов Владивостока. Он работает по будням, его рабочий день длится 8 часов, в течение которых мой друг встречается с зарубежными специалистами, помогает начинающим инженерам, отвечает на запросы с других предприятий. Дмитрий очень любит свою работу, ведь она помогла ему […]...
30. Tommy goes into a confessional box and says Tommy goes into a confessional box and says, “Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.” The Priest says, “Is that you, Tommy? Tommy says “Yes father, it’s me.” The Priest says “Who was the woman you were with?” Tommy says “I cannot tell you, father, because I don’t […]...
31. Working Shifts Lisette: You’re the New kid on the block, aren’t you? Danny: Yeah, it’s my first day. Lisette: I’m Lisette. Danny: I’m Danny. Nice to meet you. Lisette: You’re lucky to be starting on the Day shift. When I started working here Umpteen years ago, I had to work the Graveyard shift for two years before […]...
32. Our bright childhood 10 year old Timmy comes home from daycare and tells his mom that he thinks his babysitter is gay. “Whatever makes you think THAT?!!?” says mom. Timmy replies, “Because his dick tasted like shit!”...
33. Working in a Dead End Job Agency employee: Tell me why you’d like to sign up with our Employment agency. Kurt: Well, right now I’m working in a Dead end job. There are no opportunities for Advancement. I’m already at the top of the Pay scale, so there’s no chance of another Pay raise. Agency employee: Okay, I’d like to find […]...
34. Working as a Street Performer Giancarlo: Whoa, where are you going? I thought we were going To hang out. Alana: I’m going to work. Giancarlo: Work? I didn’t know you got a job. Alana: I’m Busking on Main Street. Giancarlo: You mean you’re Panhandling? That’s not working. Alana: I’m not panhandling. I’m working for Tips. I perform, try To draw […]...
35. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re […]...
36. Перевод слова supply Supply – запас, провиант; снабжать, поставлять Перевод слова Goods are in short supply – запасы товаров истощаются food supplies – запасы продовольствия to supply an army with provisions – снабжать армию продовольствием We can Supply all yours wants. Мы можем удовлетворить все ваши запросы. We can Supply the goods from our main store. Мы можем […]...
37. A small misunderstanding A lady golfer is stung by a wasp. She goes to look for the greenkeeper and finds him. “I’ve been stung by a wasp” She says. ” Where did it get you?” He replies “Between the 1st and 2nd hole” “I think your stance must be a little too wide”...
38. Working on the road A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then […]...
39. A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children A teacher was working with a group of underprivileged children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. Then one day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you […]...
40. Значение идиомы have two strikes against one [have two strikes against one] or [have two strikes on one] {v. phr.}, {informal} To have things working against you; be hindered inseveral ways; be in a difficult situation; be unlikely to succeed. Children from the poorest parts of a city often have two strikesagainst them before they enter school. George has two strikesagainst him […]...