The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle

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1. On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, “What’s a four – letter word ending in “unt” which means “woman”? The bishop said, “Did you try “aunt”? The Pope said, “Mmmm. Do you […]...
2. Religious battle golf The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held […]...
3. Pope Dies Pope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon […]...
4. Перевод слова puzzle Puzzle – головоломка; озадачивать, приводить в замешательство Перевод слова Cross-word puzzle – кроссворд pictorial puzzle – ребус; загадочная картинка puzzled look – озадаченный взгляд He was Puzzled how to act. Он не знал, как поступить. This question Puzzles me. Этот вопрос ставит меня в тупик. I still can’t Puzzle out what he meant. До сих […]...
5. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when […]...
6. The Pope vs. the Queen The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, “I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my […]...
7. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, […]...
8. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. “Now, […]...
9. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, “Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!” The kid […]...
10. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, “I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.” Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, “Jesus […]...
11. The Pope took a philosophy professor The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the […]...
12. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do […]...
13. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, “So how high can you advance in your organization?” The Priest says “If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.” “Well, could you get any higher than that?” asks the Rabbi. “I suppose that […]...
14. Working in the garden A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: “I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?” The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! […]...
15. Перевод слова bother Bother – беспокойство, хлопоты Перевод слова He bothers me to death – он надоел мне до смерти don’t bother! – не стоит беспокоиться oh, bother it! – черт возьми! bother head – ломать голову I don’t want to give you any extra Bother. Я не хочу причинять вам какие-либо дополнительные беспокойства. Don’t Bother, please Не […]...
16. Перевод слова ending Ending – завершение, окончание Перевод слова Surprise ending – неожиданный конец grammatical ending – грамматическое окончание never-ending quarrel – бесконечные раздоры The story has a happy Ending. У этой истории счастливый конец. The Ending was pretty obvious. Конец был абсолютно банальным. The film has a very inconclusive Ending. У фильма очень неубедительный финал....
17. Значение идиомы working girl [working girl] {n.}, {slang} 1. Aprostitute. I didn’t know Roxanne was a working girl. 2. A girl, usually single, who supports herself by working in an honest job, suchas in an office, etc. The average working girl can’t afford such afancy car....
18. Working Part-Time Jobs Luisa: Are you still here? I thought you Got off at 3:00. Max: I Picked up a second Shift. I Could use the money. Luisa: But I thought you had another Part-time job in the evenings. Max: I normally do, but the restaurant where I work has been Cutting back my hours, so I’m trying […]...
19. Working from a Home Office Adrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people […]...
20. Working as a Street Performer Giancarlo: Whoa, where are you going? I thought we were going To hang out. Alana: I’m going to work. Giancarlo: Work? I didn’t know you got a job. Alana: I’m Busking on Main Street. Giancarlo: You mean you’re Panhandling? That’s not working. Alana: I’m not panhandling. I’m working for Tips. I perform, try To draw […]...
21. A theological debate Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the […]...
22. Working in a Bad Economy Shivon: This bad Economy is really Taking its toll. Lex: Tell me about it! My company has already Laid off 20% of its Workforce, and now the management is talking about cutting Salaries. It goes without saying that there won’t be any Bonuses this year. Shivon: What are you complaining about? At least you still […]...
23. Room Service This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and roomservice at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review: Room Service: “Morny. Ruin sorbees.” Guest : “Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.” RS : “Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??” Guest: “Uh..yes..I’d like some bacon and […]...
24. A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, “I’m […]...
25. The Working Day of an Engineer В топике Рабочий день инженера – я рассказываю о своем друге, инженере, работающем в одном из офисов Владивостока. Он работает по будням, его рабочий день длится 8 часов, в течение которых мой друг встречается с зарубежными специалистами, помогает начинающим инженерам, отвечает на запросы с других предприятий. Дмитрий очень любит свою работу, ведь она помогла ему […]...
26. Значение идиомы word [word] See: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, AS GOOD AS ONE’S WORD, BY WORD OF MOUTH, EAT ONE’S WORDS, FROM THE WORD “GO”, GET A WORD IN, GET THE MESSAGE or GET THE WORD, HANG ON THE WORDS OF, IN BRIEF or INA WORD, IN SO MANY WORDS, LAST WORD, MAN OF FEW WORDS, MAN […]...
27. A strange jigsaw puzzle Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy. “Paddy,” says Murphy, “I’ve got a problem.” “What’s the matter?” replies Paddy “Oi’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.” “What’s the picture of?” asks Paddy “It’s of a big cockerel,” Murphy replies. Paddy says, “Alroight, […]...
28. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his […]...
29. Working Overtime Jeremy: Hello. Miranda: Hi, it’s me. I can’t make it home for dinner tonight. I’m working Overtime. Jeremy: Again? That’s the third time this week. I can’t believe your boss is making you do this. Miranda: Don’t get mad, but I actually told him that I Didn’t mind. I know I’ve been working Long hours, […]...
30. Types of Religious Leaders Mary: I feel like an idiot! Alexei: Why? What happened? Mary: I just called the Bishop over there “Pope.” Alexei: That’s not so bad. You gave him a promotion. At least you didn’t call him “Rabbi.” Mary: Don’t laugh! When I agreed to work at this Interfaith conference, I didn’t know I’d need a Crash […]...
31. Women seeking men “WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds 40-ish means: 48 Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever will Affectionate means: Possessive Artist means: Unreliable Average looking means: You figure this one out Beautiful means: Pathological liar Commitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now! Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewise Contagious Smile means: […]...
32. Биография Томаса Мора на английском языке. Biography of Thomas More Sir Thomas More, an outstanding public figure of the 16th century was a brilliant lawyer, a royal favourite and Chancellor of England. He was a son of a lawyer. A the age of 12 he went to serve in the household of Cardinal Morton, Archbishop of Canterbury and Chancellor of England; at 14 he went […]...
33. After working together for a while After working together for a while, Dick and Jane’s office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says […]...
34. A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.” Nine hands went up. “Why […]...
35. My Working Day (4) В топике Мой рабочий день (4) я рассказываю, как проходит мой обычный день и учеба в институте. Встав в 7 часов утра, я делаю зарядку, умываюсь, одеваюсь, завтракаю и иду в институт. Занятия начинаются ровно в 9 часов утра. Обычно, у нас несколько занятий в день по разным предметам. В 6 часов вечера я прихожу […]...
36. Working With the IT Department Whenever I have a Technology problem at work, I try to solve it myself. It’s not that I know a lot of about technology. In fact, the Opposite is true. I’m Pretty much a Computer illiterate, but I still try. Why do I Bother? The answer is the IT department in my company. Every time […]...
37. Jon starts working in a lumber camp Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, “We work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday.” Jon says, “Why not Thursday?” The boss says, “Because Thursday […]...
38. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard III Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you’re not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year’s work looks the same as today’s work; it’s volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you […]...
39. Working in a Dead End Job Agency employee: Tell me why you’d like to sign up with our Employment agency. Kurt: Well, right now I’m working in a Dead end job. There are no opportunities for Advancement. I’m already at the top of the Pay scale, so there’s no chance of another Pay raise. Agency employee: Okay, I’d like to find […]...
40. Working Shifts Lisette: You’re the New kid on the block, aren’t you? Danny: Yeah, it’s my first day. Lisette: I’m Lisette. Danny: I’m Danny. Nice to meet you. Lisette: You’re lucky to be starting on the Day shift. When I started working here Umpteen years ago, I had to work the Graveyard shift for two years before […]...