The Pope was working on a crossword puzzle

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1. On the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope wasOn the airplane on his way back to Rome, the Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. After a while, he turned the the bishop sitting next to him and said, «What’s a four — letter word ending in «unt» which means «woman»? The bishop said, «Did you try «aunt»? The Pope said, «Mmmm. Do you ... Читать далее...
2. Pope DiesPope Dies The Pope dies and, naturally, goes to heaven. He’s met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad recreations available. He decides that he wants to read all of the ancient original text of the Holy Scriptures, and spends the next eon ... Читать далее...
3. Перевод слова puzzlePuzzle — головоломка; озадачивать, приводить в замешательство Перевод слова Cross-word puzzle — кроссворд pictorial puzzle — ребус; загадочная картинка puzzled look — озадаченный взгляд He was Puzzled how to act. Он не знал, как поступить. This question Puzzles me. Этот вопрос ставит меня в тупик. I still can’t Puzzle out what he meant. До сих ... Читать далее...
4. A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accidentA lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked it up in his book also. «Now, ... Читать далее...
5. When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to townWhen this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The the guy’s amazement, when ... Читать далее...
6. The Pope vs. the QueenThe Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at thousands of people in the forecourt below. The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, «I bet you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go wild with just a wave of my ... Читать далее...
7. There was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the PopeThere was an old woman on a plane, sitting next to the Pope. It was stormy outside, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. So this kindly old lady looked upon Death’s door, and said to her papal neighbour. ‘Father, surely you can do something about this…’ To which the Pope replied, ... Читать далее...
8. Перевод слова clueClue — ключ к разгадке, нить, ход мыслей Перевод слова Clue to a puzzle — ключ к решению головоломки clue in — раскрыть секрет diagnostic clue — диагностический критерий I haven’t a Clue how to talk to girls. Я понятия не имею, как разговаривать с девушками. Police have found a vital Clue. Полиция нашла жизненно ... Читать далее...
9. One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides toOne balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk. He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walking through the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-old boy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, «Young man, you’re much too young to smoke!» The kid ... Читать далее...
10. The Pope took a philosophy professorThe Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the ... Читать далее...
11. One Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golfOne Sunday, the pope REALLY wanted to play golf. But he couldn’t, since it was Sunday. But he figured, well, it’s ok if i just play a little bit. So he changed clothes and went out into the green. Up in heaven an angel saw him and reported it to Jesus. However, Jesus didn’t do ... Читать далее...
12. The Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinalsThe Pope calls a meeting of all the cardinals. When they have all assembled at the Vatican, he takes them into the meeting hall and states, «I have some really fantastic news and some very terrible news.» Of course, all the cardinals want to hear the good news first, so the Pope tells them, «Jesus ... Читать далее...
13. A theological debateSeveral centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the ... Читать далее...
14. Religious battle golfThe Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. «Your holiness,» said one of the Cardinals, «Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match.» The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held ... Читать далее...
15. A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a trainA Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, «So how high can you advance in your organization?» The Priest says «If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.» «Well, could you get any higher than that?» asks the Rabbi. «I suppose that ... Читать далее...
16. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffoldingSteve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two ... Читать далее...
17. Types of Religious LeadersMary: I feel like an idiot! Alexei: Why? What happened? Mary: I just called the Bishop over there “Pope.” Alexei: That’s not so bad. You gave him a promotion. At least you didn’t call him “Rabbi.” Mary: Don’t laugh! When I agreed to work at this Interfaith conference, I didn’t know I’d need a Crash ... Читать далее...
18. Working from a Home OfficeAdrina: So this is your new home office. It’s nice. Victor: It’s Functional, and I like it. When my company decided to lower its Overhead by Decentralizing, it gave employees the option to work from home. When I heard that, I didn’t Think twice about making the change. Adrina: I’m not surprised. Lots of people ... Читать далее...
19. Working in the gardenA prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: «I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?» The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: «Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! ... Читать далее...
20. After working together for a whileAfter working together for a while, Dick and Jane’s office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says ... Читать далее...
21. Перевод слова endingEnding — завершение, окончание Перевод слова Surprise ending — неожиданный конец grammatical ending — грамматическое окончание never-ending quarrel — бесконечные раздоры The story has a happy Ending. У этой истории счастливый конец. The Ending was pretty obvious. Конец был абсолютно банальным. The film has a very inconclusive Ending. У фильма очень неубедительный финал....
22. A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for himA site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. «I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,» he announced. «Will the laziest man please put his hand up.» Nine hands went up. «Why ... Читать далее...
23. Значение идиомы working girl[working girl] {n.}, {slang} 1. Aprostitute. I didn’t know Roxanne was a working girl. 2. A girl, usually single, who supports herself by working in an honest job, suchas in an office, etc. The average working girl can’t afford such afancy car....
24. Working Part-Time JobsLuisa: Are you still here? I thought you Got off at 3:00. Max: I Picked up a second Shift. I Could use the money. Luisa: But I thought you had another Part-time job in the evenings. Max: I normally do, but the restaurant where I work has been Cutting back my hours, so I’m trying ... Читать далее...
25. Getting a new deputyThe local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer — who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for the job. «Okay,» the sheriff drawled, «Gomer, what is 1 and 1?» «11» he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, «That’s not what I meant, but he’s right.» ... Читать далее...
26. The Australian wayAfter working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She ... Читать далее...
27. A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, «Do you know what I’m doing?» «Yes,» she replied, ... Читать далее...
28. What dreams meanAfter she woke up, a woman told her husband, «I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s day. What do you think it means?» «You’ll know tonight.» he said. That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it — to find ... Читать далее...
29. Haircut before a tripA man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, «Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?» «We’re taking TWA,» was the reply. ... Читать далее...
30. Working as a Street PerformerGiancarlo: Whoa, where are you going? I thought we were going To hang out. Alana: I’m going to work. Giancarlo: Work? I didn’t know you got a job. Alana: I’m Busking on Main Street. Giancarlo: You mean you’re Panhandling? That’s not working. Alana: I’m not panhandling. I’m working for Tips. I perform, try To draw ... Читать далее...
31. The only true religionOne day God called the Pope, and he said «John Paul I have good news and bad news. First the good news. I am tired of all the squabbling between the religions. I have decided there will be only the one true religion». The Pope was overjoyed and told God how wise his decision was, ... Читать далее...
32. Биография Томаса Мора на английском языке. Biography of Thomas MoreSir Thomas More, an outstanding public figure of the 16th century was a brilliant lawyer, a royal favourite and Chancellor of England. He was a son of a lawyer. A the age of 12 he went to serve in the household of Cardinal Morton, Archbishop of Canterbury and Chancellor of England; at 14 he went ... Читать далее...
33. A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncingA young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter «R,» and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: «Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare.» In class a ... Читать далее...
34. What a Woman Really NeedsA couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a ... Читать далее...
35. Working in a Bad EconomyShivon: This bad Economy is really Taking its toll. Lex: Tell me about it! My company has already Laid off 20% of its Workforce, and now the management is talking about cutting Salaries. It goes without saying that there won’t be any Bonuses this year. Shivon: What are you complaining about? At least you still ... Читать далее...
36. Blonde on blondeA blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde’s driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. «What does it look like?» she finally ... Читать далее...
37. Wrong cardAt the card shop: A woman was spending a long time looking at the cards, finally shaking her head, «No.» A clerk came over and asked, «May I help you?» «I don’t know,» said the woman. «Do you have any ‘Sorry I laughed at your dick’ cards?»...
38. The definition of a phallic symbolThis girl walks in to a doctors office and she asks «Whats a failic symbol? Doctor says «you’re kidding..» Girl says «no! I don’t know! Whats a failic symbol???» Doctor pulls his pants and underwear down and says «You see? This is a failic symbol!» Girl says «Oh! Its just like a penis, only smaller»...
39. Jokes about the Fighting IrishGallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. «Did you see the paper?» asked Gallagher. «They say I died!!» «Yes, I saw it!» replied Finney. «Where are you callin’ from?» It was general question time on the «Top ... Читать далее...
40. A strange jigsaw puzzlePaddy gets a phone call from Murphy. «Paddy,» says Murphy, «I’ve got a problem.» «What’s the matter?» replies Paddy «Oi’ve bought a jigsaw and it’s too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can’t find any edges.» «What’s the picture of?» asks Paddy «It’s of a big cockerel,» Murphy replies. Paddy says, «Alroight, ... Читать далее...