Working With the IT Department

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1. Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding Steve, Bob and Jeff are working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off. He is killed instantaneously. After the ambulance leaves with Steve’s body, Bob and Jeff realize they’ll have to inform his wife. Bob says he’s good at this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do the job. After two […]...
2. Taking a Test Drive Mario: I’d like To test drive the new Racer. Leah: Sure, all Prospective buyers can take one of our cars for a test drive. May I see your Driver’s license? Mario: Here it is. Leah: Okay, come with me. Why don’t you get into the Driver’s seat and I’ll get into the Passenger seat? All […]...
3. Giving CPR Joyce: Lie down on the floor. Steve: Why? Joyce: I have to practice for my CPR exam tomorrow. I’m taking it so I can get my CPR Certification. Lie down please. Steve: Okay, okay. Now what do I do? Joyce: You just lie there and pretend to be Unresponsive, like you’re in Cardiac arrest. Okay, […]...
4. Microsoft Addresses Justice Department Accusations REDMOND, Wash. – Oct. 23, 1997 – In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. “It’s actually a logical extension of our planned growth”, said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, […]...
5. Перевод слова file File – скоросшиватель, документы, файл Перевод слова Do we have your application on file? – вы уже подали заявление? to read one’s own personal file – прочитать свое личное дело file device – файловое устройство His wife’s Filing for divorce. Его жена подает на развод. These documents are kept on File. Эти документы подшиты к […]...
6. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard II Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like “work” to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren’t exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would […]...
7. Describing the Taste of Food Steve, my new boyfriend, decided to cook dinner for me. I was really excited, That is, until I tried his cooking. Steve: What do you think of the soup? I thought: This is so Bland, and what are these little Lumpy things in the soup? Of course I didn’t say that aloud. Elaine: It’s Delicious. […]...
8. Being Hungry and Full Steve: I’m finally home and I’m Hungry. What’s for dinner? Brandy: I’m making a new Dish. I think you’re really going to like it. Steve: Oh, good. Bring it on. Brandy: Well, I Miscalculated the Cooking time a little and it’s going to take longer than I originally planned. I know you’re Famished. Here’s a […]...
9. Rejecting Newer Technology Darlene: Thanks for agreeing to take a look at my computer. It’s been Acting up lately. Chris: Sure, I don’t mind. Is this it? Darlene: Yeah. Chris: How long have you had this computer? It looks like it belongs in the Ice age. Darlene: I admit it’s a little Dated. I must be one of […]...
10. Значение идиомы on file [on file] {adv. phr.} Placed in a written or electronic file; onrecord. We are sorry we cannot hire you right now but we will keepyour application on file....
11. Перевод слова technology Technology – технология, техника Перевод слова Technology assessment – прогноз развития техники school of technology – техническое училище nuclear technology – ядерная технология non-waste technology – безотходная технология We are living in the age of Technology. Мы живем в век технологий. He singled out Technology as the core of the problem. Он отметил, что суть […]...
12. About Steve who wants to know about somethings In one day Steve came to the bathroon, when his father was washing. And Steve has seen dad’s dick and said: “Dad, what is this?” His father nervously said: “Well Steve, it’s sausage”. After week he, suddenly, has seen his mum’s cunt and said: “Mum, what is this?”. His mum: “Well, it’s a cat”. After […]...
13. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard IX Build Vocabulary. Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use it freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember: They don’t have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive....
14. Working as a Street Performer Giancarlo: Whoa, where are you going? I thought we were going To hang out. Alana: I’m going to work. Giancarlo: Work? I didn’t know you got a job. Alana: I’m Busking on Main Street. Giancarlo: You mean you’re Panhandling? That’s not working. Alana: I’m not panhandling. I’m working for Tips. I perform, try To draw […]...
15. Значение идиомы have one’s head screwed on backwards [have one’s head screwed on backwards] {v. phr.} To lack commonsense; behave in strange and irrational ways. Henry seems to havehis head screwed on backwards; he thinks the best time to get a suntanis when it is raining and to sleep with his shoes on....
16. You are in trouble An evil Atheist explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself “Oh God, I’m screwed!!!!!.” There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your […]...
17. Значение идиомы rank and file [rank and file] {n. phr.} Ordinary people; the regular membershipof an organization; the enlisted privates in the Army. The generalusually inspects the rank and file on specific national holidays. The secretary of the association sends letters annually to the rankand file....
18. The last day working “You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……” You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old […]...
19. Working With The FBI The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello?” “Hello, is this the FBI?” “Yes. What do you want?” “I’m calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood.” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux’s house. They search the shed where […]...
20. Перевод слова computer Computer – компьютер Перевод слова Personal computer – персональный компьютер all-purpose computer – многоцелевой компьютер to run a computer – работать на компьютере My Computer’s gone haywire. С моим комьютером происходит что-то неладное. My Computer went nuts on me. Мой компьютер стал выдавать мне какую-то ерунду. My Computer is working slow. Мой компьютер работает медленно. […]...
21. Working on the road A fellow stopped at a rural gas station and, after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink. He stood by his car to drink his cola and he watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then […]...
22. A department store A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: […]...
23. Traditions A man and a woman got married, and he told her : ” since you are my wife you should respect my traditions and habits…and i have 3 traditions. So, first tradition: On wednesdays i play football with my friends…no matter what..whether it snows or it rains…i dont care..i play football!! -Is it clear for […]...
24. Life on The Gate: Working on the Golden Gate Bridge 1933-37 When it opened in 1937, the Golden Gate Bridge was the longest suspension bridge ever built, constructed in one of the world’s most challenging settings. For the men who poured the concrete, and drove in each steel rivet, it was a life changing experience. It was on November 18, 1936, that the two sections of […]...
25. I. R. S. phone calls The following are actual phone calls made to I. R. S. offices across the United States. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
26. Перевод слова department Department – отдел, отделение, кафедра; магазин Перевод слова Department-store chain – сеть крупных универмагов research department – отдел исследований sociology department – кафедра социологии Cooking is not my Department. Кулинария – это не моя область. Our Department has a staff of seven. Персонал нашей кафедры – семь сотрудников. He was selected to head the Department. […]...
27. Play doctor Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring. “Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try playing doctor for an hour?” “Sounds great,” Steve replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?” “Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for […]...
28. A girl called the police department and reported that A girl called the police department and reported that she had been assaulted. The officer who answered the phone, asked, “When did this happen?” She replied, “Last week.” The police then asked, “Why did you wait until now to report it?” Well,” she said. “I didn’t know that I was assaulted until the check bounced.”...
29. My Working Day (6) В топике Мой рабочий день (6) я рассказываю о буднем дне и о занятиях в школе (или на работе). По утрам я встаю в 7 часов утра, делаю зарядку, убираю постель, умываюсь, одеваюсь и завтракаю. Иногда я сама готовлю завтрак. После школы (или работы) я выполняю домашнее задание и некоторую работу по дому. Позже я […]...
30. A Business Plan About a year ago, I came up with an idea that I thought would Revolutionize the way people sell their Goods on the Internet. After a lot of planning, I decided to try to attract Investors by developing a Business plan. I got some advice from my friend Steve who is a very successful Entrepreneur. […]...
31. A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions…. Officer: What’s 2+2? Blonde: Ummmmm… 4! Officer: What’s the square root of 100? Blonde: Ummmm… 10! Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln? Blonde: Ummmm… I dunno. Officer: Well, you can go home and think […]...
32. The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris The handsome American strode into a department store in Paris, France, and headed straight for the lingerie counter. He intently studied the array of lacy underthings and the sales lady bustled over to him. “Do you have something in mind?” she asked. “I certainly do, ma’am,” the American emphatically replied. “That’s why I want a […]...
33. My Working Day В топике Мой рабочий день я рассказываю, как обычно проходит весь мой день. По утрам я умываюсь, завтракаю, собираю все письменные принадлежности, учебники и отправляюсь в университет. Мне нравится учиться в университете, потому что у студентов более свободный график, чем у учеников в школе. После занятий я возвращаюсь домой, обедаю и отправляюсь на спортивную площадку […]...
34. Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor Steve is going on an ocean cruise, and he tells his doctor that he’s worried about getting real seasick. The doctor tells him, “Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes before you leave the dock.” Steve says, “Will that keep me from getting sick?” The doctor says, “No, but it’ll look real pretty in the […]...
35. A Flaky Friend Shawn: What’s the matter? You look like you’re about To blow your lid. Rick: Yeah, Let’s just say I’m not happy. Shawn: That’s Putting it lightly. What’s up? Rick: My friend Steve was supposed To come by Here after work to Give me a ride home. I Lent him my car so he could take […]...
36. Steve Jobs’ Fruitarian Diet Lands Ashton Kutcher in the Hospital Ashton Kutcher spent time in the hospital after going on one of Steve Jobs’ infamous fruitarian diets to prepare for a new role in a biopic featuring the late Apple CEO. Ashton Kutcher spent time in the hospital after going on one of Steve Jobs’ infamous fruitarian diets to prepare for a new role in […]...
37. Working Shifts Lisette: You’re the New kid on the block, aren’t you? Danny: Yeah, it’s my first day. Lisette: I’m Lisette. Danny: I’m Danny. Nice to meet you. Lisette: You’re lucky to be starting on the Day shift. When I started working here Umpteen years ago, I had to work the Graveyard shift for two years before […]...
38. Working in a Laboratory I was working in the Lab, as usual, when my Colleague brought his three-year-old son into work. … Tony: Hi, Gale. This is my son, Philippe. There was a problem with his Daycare today, so he’ll be spending the day here with me. I’ll teach him all about doing Research. Gale: I’m not sure this […]...
39. Working Overseas Danielle: I’m so excited! I just got my new Posting overseas. I can’t wait to live Abroad and work as an Expat. Angus: I remember my first overseas assignment. It was interesting, but the Adjustment took some time. Danielle: I won’t have any problems. I already have my Work permit and Vaccinations, and I speak […]...
40. Working in a Factory Tony: The Plant manager says that you’re the new kid. Amber: Yes, it’s my first day. Tony: All right, you’ll be a Line worker like the rest of us. Here’s your Workstation. What you have to remember is that Output and Productivity are the most important things around here. Amber: I understand, but… Tony: Watch […]...