Главная ⇒ 📌Jokes ⇒ The only wish

The only wish

Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (the kind the genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. «POOF» out popped a tired old genie who said «ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I’ve been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I’m burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I’m OUTTA here. Make it a good one». The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, «Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!» «Fine» said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer. «Great move Einstein!» said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head. «NOW we’re gonna have to piss in the BOAT!»



Кристофор колумб на английском.
My profession is designer.

Related topics:

  1. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beachA recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the ... Читать далее...
  2. An explorer goes into an undiscovered tombAn explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said «I want to know the person you ... Читать далее...
  3. Leprechaun JokesThree guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. «I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total», says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, «I am a fisherman, my Dad’s ... Читать далее...
  4. Magician and ParrotMagician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician ... Читать далее...
  5. Ass-corkedTwo guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, «How’d you get a cork in your ass?» The other guy says, «I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a ... Читать далее...
  6. This black guy is walking along a beach whenThis black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he’ll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a ... Читать далее...
  7. Перевод сленгового выражения yadda yadda yadda, значение и пример использованияСленговое выражение: yadda yadda yadda Перевод: фраза, означающая «и так далее», «и тому подобное»; обычно употребляется по отношению к чему-либо несущественному, или надоедливому и скучному Синоним: blah blah blah Пример: Our history teacher told us about the Civil War, the election of 1880, yadda yadda yadda. Наш учитель по истории рассказал нам о Гражданской войне, ... Читать далее...
  8. The third wishA young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, ‘I will grant you three wishes.’ The man’s first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the ... Читать далее...
  9. Once upon a time a man was walking downOnce upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. «Master, I shall now grant you one wish.» The man spoke, his eyes bulging with desire. ... Читать далее...
  10. Значение идиомы at sea[at sea ] {adv.} or {adj. phr.} 1. On an ocean voyage; on a journey by ship. They had first met at sea. 2. Out on the ocean; away from land. By the second day the ship was well out at sea. Charles had visited a ship in dock, but he had never been on ... Читать далее...
  11. Перевод слова inflateInflate — надувать, накачивать Перевод слова To inflate a balloon — надуть шар inflated with pride — надутый от важности to inflate a tire — накачивать шину You should Inflate the front tyres. Тебе следует накачать передние шины. Receiving his prize, Jim was Inflated with pride. Джим получил приз и надулся от гордости. Costs were ... Читать далее...
  12. Перевод слова sinkSink — раковина; тонуть, утопать, погрузиться Перевод слова Kitchen sink — кухонная раковина the ship sank — корабль затонул the foot sinks in the moss — нога утопает во мху We put in a new Sink. Мы установили новую раковину. He Sank into vice. Он погряз в пороке. I blew out the candle and Sank ... Читать далее...
  13. Love handlesOne day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. «Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,» the genie said. «Since you have released me, ... Читать далее...
  14. Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen whoIsaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting to unwind. Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews ... Читать далее...
  15. Перевод слова rubberRubber — резина, каучук Перевод слова Covered rubber thread — резиновая нить с обмоткой to dilute the rubber — разбавлять каучук rubber boots — резиновые сапоги Rubber is a flexible substance. Резина — это эластичное вещество. The Rubber ball bounced along. Резиновый мяч отскочил. Oil and grease will rot the Rubber of your tyres. Шины ... Читать далее...
  16. Jokes of science 02The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. «Hmmm,» says the theorist, «That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason (long logical explanation follows).» In the middle of it, the experimentalist says «Wait a minute», studies the chart for a second, and ... Читать далее...
  17. Перевод слова lampLamp — лампа, фонарь Перевод слова Electric lamp — электрическая лампа head lamp — автомобильная фара to plug in a lamp — включать лампу в розетку That Lamp belongs on the desk. Эта лампа обычно стоит на письменном столе. She knocked over the Lamp. Она опрокинула лампу. The bedside Lamp glowed dimly. Прикроватная лампа тускло ... Читать далее...
  18. Перевод слова heatHeat — жара, зной, жар, нагревать Перевод слова Summer heat — летний зной to suffer from the heat — страдать от жары her face flushed with sudden heat — ее щеки вдруг запылали to heat up some water — нагреть воды Heat makes you sweat. Из-за жары вы потеете. The room Heated up quickly. Комната ... Читать далее...
  19. The wife is not speaking to me 1A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, «All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!» A sudden silence descends. After a moment he asks «Anyone got a problem with that?» The silence lengthens. He ... Читать далее...
  20. The three survivors of the shipwreckThe three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger. The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall. The Pole, the ship’s doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution ... Читать далее...
  21. There was three guys, one with a rubberThere was three guys, one with a rubber dick, one with a wooden dick, and one with a nine foot dick. The guy with the rubber dick couldn’t have sex because it wasn’t hard. The guy with the wooden dick couldn’t have sex because the other person would get splinters. Finally, the third guy with ... Читать далее...
  22. Перевод слова intelligenceIntelligence — интеллект, ум, умственные способности Перевод слова A man of no small intelligence — очень неглупый человек a high order of intelligence — высокий интеллект intelligence test — проверка умственных способностей outstanding intelligence — выдающийся ум It is difficult to quantify Intelligence. Трудно измерить уровень интеллекта. Dolphins show a high level of Intelligence. Дельфины ... Читать далее...
  23. Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, oneThree guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one is blind and the other appears normal. A couple of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He sees the guys and decides to have compassion on them. He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his sight is restored. He ... Читать далее...
  24. The World EnvironmentThe world environment means simply what is around us. Some people live in towns, other in the country. There are a lot of ecological problems.. The most serious ecological problems are: noise from cars and buses; destruction of wildlife and countryside beauty; shortage of natural resources; the growth of population; pollution in its many forms ... Читать далее...
  25. Перевод слова beerBeer — пиво Перевод слова Ginger beer — имбирное пиво to brew beer — варить пиво beer bust — пивное сборище I’d like a Beer now! Мне бы пива сейчас! He drank a jar of Beer. Он выпил банку пива. I’ll have a Beer, please. Мне пива, пожалуйста....
  26. Перевод слова limitedLimited — ограниченный, узкий Перевод слова Limited number — ограниченное число, небольшое количество limited ideas — ограниченные идеи limited views — узкие взгляды limited monarchy — конституционная (ограниченная) монархия He is a very Limited man. Он очень ограниченный человек. Seating is Limited to 500. Количество мест ограничено до 500. The event is Limited to invited ... Читать далее...
  27. Перевод идиомы let the genie out of the bottle, значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: let the genie out of the bottle Перевод: выпустить джина из бутылки; допустить что-либо плохое, нежелательное, чего уже не остановить Пример: Now the press has let the genie out of the bottle, the question is what happens next. Пресса выпустила джина из бутылки, вопрос теперь в том, что будет дальше....
  28. Ten Signs That You’re At A Bad Zoo1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you. 2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp. 3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat. 4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino ... Читать далее...
  29. Значение идиомы rubber check[rubber check] {n.}, {informal} A check written without enoughmoney in the bank to make it good. Bill got into trouble when hepaid his bills with rubber checks. By the time we knew he had paidus with a rubber check, the man had left the state. The rubbercheck bounced....
  30. Перевод слова oceanOcean — океан Перевод слова Ocean basin — бассейн океана ocean chart — карта океана ocean monster — морское чудовище ocean of air — воздушный океан I had cried Oceans of tears. Я выплакала море слез. The wind came off the Ocean. С океана дул ветер. He searched for treasure on the Ocean bed. Он ... Читать далее...
  31. AshamedTwo men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island. Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing. Two weeks after that the two men buried her ... Читать далее...
  32. The Cesium song 10Cesium (All through the Night) (Tune, Fever) (1) Never know how much I need you, Never know how much I’d dare, When I mix you up with water, I get a heat that’s hard to bear. I need my Cesium! Burnin’ brightly, Cesium to give me light. Cesium — In the morning, Cesium all through ... Читать далее...
  33. Значение идиомы burn rubber[burn rubber] {v. phr.}, {slang} 1. To start up a car or a motorcycle from dead stop so fast that the tires leave a mark on the road. The neighborhood drag racers burned a lot of rubber — look at the marks on the road! 2. To leave in a hurry. I guess I am ... Читать далее...
  34. The New Zumwalt Stealth Destroyer Is Too StealthyThe USS Zumwalt departs the coast of Maine for its final builder trials on March 21, 2016 The USS Zumwalt, a Navy destroyer years in the making, is a floating piece of technological wonder. But the neatest feature is tricking nearby radar into thinking its massive 610-foot hull is actually just a 50-foot fishing boat. ... Читать далее...
  35. An abstract jokeTwo bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by. The turd looks over and says, «Hey! Come on in! The water’s fine!» One banana turns to the other banana and says, «Do you believe that shit?»...
  36. Значение идиомы hell and high water[hell and high water] {n. phr.} Troubles or difficulties of anykind. After John’s father died he went through hell and high water, but he managed to keep the family together. Compare: COME HELL ORHIGH WATER....
  37. Перевод слова shipShip — судно, корабль; перевозить Перевод слова Merchant ship — торговое судно ship of war — военный корабль to ship goods by rail — перевозить груз по железной дороге All the people were Shipped. Все поднялись на борт. The Ship will unload tomorrow. Судно будет разгружаться завтра. It was among the first firms to Ship ... Читать далее...
  38. What can 28,000 rubber duckies lost at sea teach us about our oceans?A shipping container filled with rubber duckies was lost at sea in 1992, and the bath toys are still washing ashore today. In 1992, a shipping crate containing 28,000 plastic bath toys was lost at sea when it fell overboard on its way from Hong Kong to the United States. No one at the time ... Читать далее...
  39. TitanicAs you know, the 3-hour-14-minute film «Titanic» is no mere disaster movie. It’s an epic love story about a 17-year-old American aristocrat who is betrothed to a rich and hateful suitor but falls in love with a free-spirited artist, who won his third-class passage in a card game. It’s «Romeo and Juliet» on a sinking ... Читать далее...
  40. What is intelligenceTwo men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, «Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?» «I don’t know,» responded the other. «I’ll ask him.» So he climbed out of the hole ... Читать далее...

The only wish