Ass-corked

Related topics:

1. Love handles One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. “Greetings, Miss Lewinsky,” the genie said. “Since you have released me, […]...
2. The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trail all day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tonto placed his ear to the ground and listened. “Buffalo come,” remarked Tonto. “How can you tell, Tonto?” asked the Lone Ranger. “Face sticky.”...
3. The third wish A young man fell in a pit one day, and found a magic lamp with a genie inside of it. The genie said, ‘I will grant you three wishes.’ The man’s first wish was to get out of the pit. **POOF** He was instantly transported out. He then wished for all the gold in the […]...
4. Once upon a time a man was walking down Once upon a time a man was walking down the street. He saw an ancient oil lamp in an ash can and, thinking of the Aladdin legend, he picked up and rubbed it. Sure enough, out popped a genie. “Master, I shall now grant you one wish.” The man spoke, his eyes bulging with desire. […]...
5. Leprechaun Jokes Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. “I will give you each one wish, that’s three wishes in total”, says the Genie. The Scottish guy says, “I am a fisherman, my Dad’s […]...
6. An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb An explorer goes into an undiscovered tomb for the first time, and in the center of the tomb there is a lamp. So he picked it up and started to rub the dirt off of it, and out came a genie out of the lamp and he said “I want to know the person you […]...
7. The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through The Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through one of the many canyons when suddenly rising from the hill on their right are hundreds of indians. They start to spur their horse forward when they realised that there are hundreds of indians ahead of them. Wheeling to the left they, once again, see hundreds of […]...
8. A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the […]...
9. Is that your horse The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, “Who owns the big white horse outside?” The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, “I do. Why?” The cowboy looked at the […]...
10. The only wish Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the […]...
11. Перевод слова grant-in-aid Grant-in-aid – дотация, субсидия Перевод слова Grant-in-aid system – система субсидий grant-in-aid for scientific research – предоставление гранта для проведения научных исследований We receive Grant-in-aid to cover our basic running costs. Мы получили финансовую помощь для покрытия наших основных эксплуатационных затрат. The Grant-in-aid to individual museums is no longer earmarked. Гранты для частных музеев больше […]...
12. Indian chief’s signal An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken. He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card (unfortunately B-) ). So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke: “Hey, […]...
13. Перевод слова grant Grant – дарить, даровать, жаловать; грант, субсидия Перевод слова Research grant – субсидия на проведение исследования to put in a claim for a grant – ходатайствовать о субсидии to grant lands – даровать землю, жаловать землей to grant an allowance of… – назначать денежное содержание в размере… This bill Grants us new rights. Этот законопроект […]...
14. The Eighteen Bottles I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else… I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with […]...
15. Перевод слова Indian Indian – индеец, индиец, индийский Перевод слова Curtains of Indian chintz – занавески из индийского чинца east indian – ост-индский indian hemp – индийская конопля Red Indian – краснокожий (индеец) Do you fancy going out for an Indian? Хочешь пойти в индийский ресторан? Indian music had been blaring out all evening. Индийская музыка орала весь […]...
16. Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch. Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him? Indian: Dog no talk. Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going? Dog: Doin alright. Indian: [extreme look of shock] Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian] Dog: Yep Cowboy: How’s he treat you? […]...
17. Trust a fellow officer A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial – it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer […]...
18. This black guy is walking along a beach when This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he’ll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a […]...
19. Learn it by listening Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?” “Yeah,” says the other cowboy. “Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.” Just […]...
20. Перевод идиомы let the genie out of the bottle, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: let the genie out of the bottle Перевод: выпустить джина из бутылки; допустить что-либо плохое, нежелательное, чего уже не остановить Пример: Now the press has let the genie out of the bottle, the question is what happens next. Пресса выпустила джина из бутылки, вопрос теперь в том, что будет дальше....
21. Being Socially Popular Rosa: Has the mail come yet? Grant: We didn’t get any mail today. Rosa: Damn it! Grant: What’s the matter? Rosa: I’m waiting for an invitation from Joanna to her birthday party. I heard that she’s having a big Bash and it’s going to be the party of the season. Grant: You’re Worked up over […]...
22. Перевод слова smoke Smoke – дым, дымить, курить Перевод слова To blow smoke rings – пускать кольца дыма to carry off smoke – отводить дым to smoke a cigar – выкурить сигару I prefer not to Smoke. Я предпочитаю не курить. The chimney discharges Smoke. Из трубы идет дым. Cigar Smoke stank up the room. Комната пропахла дымом […]...
23. Reading time A Cowboy riding down the trail encounters an Indian laying on the trail with hard on. The Cowboy asks “what are you doing?” Indian says” Me tellum time.” Cowboy shakes his head, rides on, encounters another exactly the same. Says “You telling time?” yup” “how can you tell time like that?” Indian says “workum like […]...
24. Proctology findings This guy wants to be a proctologist, and he wants to be a really good proctologist, so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little. Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it’s a little strange, so he pulls it […]...
25. Johnny Depp: Why I Travel With My Captain Jack Sparrow Costume We’ve heard about Johnny Depp visiting children’s hospitals dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, but who knew he actually has the Pirates of the Caribbean costume with him at all times? “Sometimes you go to kiddie hospitals and things like that,” the actor explained while promoting his latest flick, The Lone Ranger. “I’ll just sneak in […]...
26. Значение идиомы go up in smoke [go up in smoke] or [go up in flames] {v. phr.} To burn; bedestroyed by fire. 1. The house went up in flames. The barnfull of hay went up in smoke. 2. Disappear; fail; not come true. Jane’s hopes of going to college went up in smoke when her fatherlost his job. The team’s chances […]...
27. Many moons There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, “How long have you been down there?” The Indian replied, “Many moons.”...
28. Jokes of science 02 The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist’s office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. “Hmmm,” says the theorist, “That’s exactly where you’d expect to see that peak. Here’s the reason (long logical explanation follows).” In the middle of it, the experimentalist says “Wait a minute”, studies the chart for a second, and […]...
29. Значение идиомы Indian sign [Indian sign] {n.}, {informal} A magic spell that is thought tobring bad luck; curse; jinx; hoo-doo. – Used with “the”, usually after”have” or “with”; and often used in a joking way. Bill is a goodplayer, but Ted has the Indian sign on him and always beats him. Father says that he always wins our checker […]...
30. A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one afternoon by hostile Indians. This presents no problem for the horse as the Indians can always use another pony. The dog’s fate is some what tenuous but it is certain that the cowboy will be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That […]...
31. An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes […]...
32. The most painful part A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice the girl knew just as much about the game as themselves, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, “How is it that you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I […]...
33. Перевод слова cigarette Cigarette – сигарета, папироса Перевод слова To puff on a cigarette – дымить сигаретой to smoke a cigarette – выкурить сигарету cigarette end – окурок Can you spare me a Cigarette? Не найдется ли у вас сигаретки? Can I cop a Cigarette from you? Закурить не найдется? He stopped to light a Cigarette. Он остановился, […]...
34. Значение идиомы Indian summer [Indian summer] {n. phr.} A dry and warm period of time late in thefall, usually in October. After the cold and foggy weather, we hada brief Indian summer, during which the temperature was up in the highseventies....
35. Controlling your spouse There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your […]...
36. Значение идиомы watch one’s dust [watch one’s dust] or [watch one’s smoke] {v. phr.}, {slang} Tonotice your quick action; watch you do something quickly. OfferBill a dollar to shovel your sidewalk, and watch his smoke! “We’llhave your yard cleaned in a jiffy,” the Boy Scouts told Mr. Truitt.”Watch our smoke!” “I can go to the store and be back in […]...
37. A change of style Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says “When did you start wearing them?” To which the other man replies “Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car.”...
38. Значение идиомы smoke-out [smoke-out] {n.} A successful conclusion of an act of investigativejournalism revealing some long-kept secrets. Journalist BobWoodward was the hero of the Watergate smoke-out....
39. Значение идиомы cigar-store Indian [cigar-store Indian] {n. phr.} A wooden statue of an Indian which in the past was placed in front of a cigar store. A cigar store Indian used to mean a cigar store in the same way a barber pole still means a barber shop....
40. An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with a typical “service” smile and “Have a nice day!” The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day […]...