Submarine humor & fun

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1. During the World War II During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something – at least they would die laughing. The navigator went down […]...
2. Humor about Drunk Irishmen A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor […]...
3. Значение идиомы beyond one’s depth [beyond one’s depth] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} 1. Over your head in water; in water too deep to touch bottom. Jack wasn’t a good swimmer and nearly drowned when he drifted out beyond his depth. 2. In or into something too difficult for you; beyond your understanding or ability. Bill decided that his big brother’s […]...
4. Перевод слова shallow Shallow – мелководный, неглубокий Перевод слова Shallow stream – мелкий ручей shallow sea – мелководное море shallow tray – плоский поднос I consider her to be Shallow. Я считаю ее поверхностным человеком. Alligators live in the Shallows. Аллигаторы водятся на мелководье. His breathing became very Shallow. Его дыхание стало неглубоким....
5. Перевод слова heading Heading – название, заголовок; направление, курс Перевод слова Feature heading – предметный заголовок chapter heading – название главы to fly a heading of – лететь курсом на to set the heading – задавать курс The bus is Heading toward town. Автобус движется в сторону города. The Fram lay moored with her bow Heading west. Фрам […]...
6. The three survivors of the shipwreck The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger. The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall. The Pole, the ship’s doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution […]...
7. Civil War Era humor Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN… The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent […]...
8. Перевод слова secure Secure – безопасный, спокойный, непоколебимый Перевод слова Secure hope of salvation – твердая надежда на спасение our victory is secure – наша победа несомненна a peaceful and secure old age – тихая и безмятежная старость secure retreat – надежное убежище Keep your passport in a Secure place. Храните свой паспорт в безопасном месте. Troops were […]...
9. Перевод слова depth Depth – глубина Перевод слова Depth of her knowledge – глубина ее знаний to reach a depth – опуститься на глубину to lack depth – быть неглубоким, поверхностным The pressure varies with the Depth. Давление меняется в зависимости от глубины. People need to realize the Depth of the problem. Люди должны осознать глубину проблемы. There […]...
10. Перевод слова junior Junior – младший, юношеский Перевод слова Robert Browning junior – Роберт Браунинг сын John Smith junior – Джон Смит младший junior library – библиотека для юношества junior assistant – помощник библиотекаря He is Junior to me by three years. Он младше меня на три года. She had been in the afternoon to the chemist’s to […]...
11. Humor about the Stupid Irish Higgins lived in Staten Island, New York, and worked in Manhattan. He had to take the ferryboat home every night. One evening, he got down to the ferry and found there was a wait for the next boat, So Higgins decided to stop at a nearby tavern. Before long he was feeling no pain. When […]...
12. George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I George Costanza’s Tips for Working Hard I Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they’re heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they’re […]...
13. Перевод слова captain Captain – капитан Перевод слова To hold the rank of captain – иметь звание капитана captain’s shoulder straps – погоны капитана captain’s mate – помощник капитана They chose her as Captain. Ее выбрали капитаном. A general ranks a Captain. Генерал выше по званию, чем капитан. Captain is in close arrest. Капитан находится под строгим арестом. […]...
14. Перевод слова submarine Submarine – подводная лодка, подводный Перевод слова Submarine cable – подводный кабель submarine mine – подводная мина missile-firing submarine – ракетная подводная лодка The Submarine plunged. Подводная лодка погрузилась под воду. The reason for the surfacing of the Submarine H 42 was not known. Причина всплытия подводной лодки H 42 была неизвестна. Thus, in the […]...
15. A disabled sea captain An old sea captain with one wooden leg, one hook replacing a missing hand, and one missing eye goes into a bar. The sailor sitting next to him says, “You’re really in bad shape. What happened to your leg?” “I fell overboard,” says the Captain, “and before my mates could pull me aboard, a shark […]...
16. Red shirt Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, “Bring me my red shirt!” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt, which the captain put on and […]...
17. A merchant captain and several of his officers A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, “Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!” The following morning the […]...
18. Значение идиомы get a fix on [get a fix on] {v. phr.}, {informal} Receive a reading of a distantobject by electronic means, as by radar or sonar. Can you get a fixon the submarine? Contrast: GET A FIX....
19. Humor about Ireland 2 Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. “Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I’m afraid he’s goin’ to die.” “Shure, an’ why would he be dyin’?” asked the other. “Ah, he’s gotten so thin. You’re thin enough, and I’m thin – but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is […]...
20. Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, […]...
21. Humor about the Irishmen There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. “Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you want a divorce?” the solicitor questioned his client. “Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?” “Oh, no,” replied Mrs. O’Connor. “Shure now, we […]...
22. Humor about Leprechauns An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!!!!!” At […]...
23. Humor about St. Patrick’s Day Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?” said Seamus. “Ah, praise the Almighty!” Paddy replied with relief. “I thought I’d […]...
24. Clean St. Patrick’s Day Humor In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. “Four glasses of ale,” was the reply. “Next?” “Two glasses of whiskey.” “Next?” “One glass of brandy.” “Next?” “A fight.” In West Kerry, the wife commented, “When […]...
25. Irish Religion Humor Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, “Do you want to go to heaven?” The man said, “I do Father.” The priest said, “Then stand over there against the wall.” Then the priest asked the second man, “Do you want to got to heaven?” “Certainly, Father,” […]...
26. Humor relating to Iraq The problem with the Iraqi army is that they were using Russian defense tactics: 1. Engage the enemy. 2. Draw him into your territory. 3. Wait until winter sets in. – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
27. Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. “Jazus Mick…Well have to turn […]...
28. Great School Humor “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx 1890-1977 – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – […]...
29. Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2 Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the […]...
30. Amusing Humor about the Irish O’Toole volunteered to take care of his numerous children so that Mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to read. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but O’Toole kept sending him back up. At 10 o’clock the doorbell rang. It was the next […]...
31. Clean Ireland Humor An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both […]...
32. Funny Humor about the Irish This is a true story of the late Irish author Brendan Behan who one night collapsed in a diabetic coma in a Dublin street. It was at a time when he was at the height of his drunken notoriety and passes-by naturally thought he was dead drunk. They took him to the nearby surgery of […]...
33. Clean Humor about the Irish It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: “Lads, I’m here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, […]...
34. Fighting Irish Humor McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. “It’s to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes,” she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. “Miss,” he said, “I’m meetin’ me wife right away. How do I get […]...
35. Humor about Irish Marriages Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving […]...
36. Humor about Dumb Irishmen The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. “Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the […]...
37. Young naval student A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain. “What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?” “Throw out an anchor, sir,” the student replied. “What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?” “Throw out another anchor, sir.” “And if another terrific […]...
38. Значение идиомы water [water] See: BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER, DEEP WATER, FISH OUT OF WATER, GO THROUGH HELL AND HIGH WATER, HEADABOVE WATER, HOLD WATER, HELL AND HIGH WATER, HOT WATER, LIKE WATER, LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK’S BACK, MAKE ONE’S MOUTH WATER, OF THE FIRSTWATER, POUR OIL ON TROUBLED WATERS, THROW […]...
39. Значение идиомы in the running [in the running] {adj.} or {adv. phr.} Having a chance to win; notto be counted out; among those who might win. At the beginning ofthe last lap of the race, only two horses were still in the running. A month before Joyce married Hal, three of Joyce’s boyfriendsseemed to be still in the running. Al […]...
40. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth […]...