Humor about Dumb Irishmen
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs.
“Now don’t let me ever see your face again,” said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go.
“I’m afraid I can’t promise that, sir,” said the released man.
“And why not?”
“Because I’m the barman at your regular pub!”
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. “Say,” he said to the bartender, “how tall is a penguin?”
“About two and a half feet.”
“Thank God!” cried Monahan. “I thought I ran over a nun!”
(1 оценок, среднее: 5.00 из 5)Related topics:
- Jokes about Dumb Irishmen The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a... ...
- Double vodka A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman “Give me six double vodka.” The barman says “Wow! you must have had one really bad day.”... ...
- Humor about the Irishmen There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He’d wanted to be buried at sea. “Well, Mrs. O’Connor, so you... ...
- Humor about Drunk Irishmen 2 Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed... ...
- Humor about Drunk Irishmen A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him... ...
- Humor about the Irish An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back.... ...
- A man walks into a pub The following was contributed by Emil: A man walks into a pub, sits down at the bar, and says to the barman, “cor! I’ve just had my first blow-job and... ...
- A Duck walks into a bar A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don’t have any bread [After a few minutes] Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look,... ...
- You can’t bring that dog in this bar A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!”... ...
- A bartender was getting ready to close for the night A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, “This is... ...
- Bloke is drinking at a pub Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. “Don’t be stupid,”... ...
- The wife is not speaking to me One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried. “What’s... ...
- A guy in a bar The bartender asks him “What’ll you have?”. The guy answers, “A scotch, please”. The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars”, to which he replies “What... ...
- Beware of IRS The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the... ...
- I don’t owe anything for this drink The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink, and says “That’ll be five dollars,”... ...
- The story of a very short man A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots.” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time?” The guy says,” Oh, I... ...
- He is a very fast drinker A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, “What’ll it be buddy?” The man says, “Set me up with... ...
- A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a barstool. The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so the... ...
- A nun arrives at the local bar John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying... ...
- I bet I can bite both of my eyes A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, “I’ll... ...
- Humor about St. Patrick’s Day Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. “What’s wrong, Seamus?” Paddy asked. “Well didn’t ya know, Paddy,... ...
- Free drinks for everyone One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: “Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.” So the bartender follows the mans orders and... ...
- Best advice possible Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, “You are to confer with the defendant... ...
- Did you kill the victim? Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim? Defendant: No, I did not. Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury? Defendant: Yes, I do. And they’re a heck of... ...
- The local priest came across Paddy who had The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. “Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.” “Really,... ...
- Перевод слова release Release – освобождать, отпускать; выпуск Перевод слова To release a brake – отпустить тормоза documentation release – выпуск документации to release a bird – выпустить птицу из клетки He was... ...
- The customs of an Irishman An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.... ...
- Humor about Irish Pubs (Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious... ...
- Перевод слова promise Promise – обещание, обещать, подавать надежды Перевод слова To accomplish a promise – выполнить обещание to act up to a promise – сдержать обещание to go back on a promise... ...
- Great School Humor “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” – Groucho Marx 1890-1977 – – – –... ...
- Перевод слова tall Tall – высокий, длинный; хвастливый Перевод слова Tall woman – высокая женщина tall trees – высокие деревья tall talk – хвастовство; преувеличение How Tall are you? Какой у тебя рост?... ...
- Humor about Irish Marriages Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into... ...
- A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer. She grabs the beer and tips it down the back of her skirt. The barman looks amazed as she orders... ...
- Drunk orders himself a beer A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks... ...
- Bet made at the local bar A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group... ...
- Tarantino This guy comes into a bar walks to the bartender and says” Bartender, I got a bet for you. I’ll bet you $300 that I can piss into that glass... ...
- Перевод слова half-time Half-time – неполная рабочая неделя; неполный рабочий день Перевод слова To go on half-time – перейти на неполную рабочую неделю to work half-time – работать неполный рабочий день half time... ...
- Too good to be true A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the customer, “Give me a... ...
- Clean Ireland Humor An English man and an Irish man are driving head on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving to fast for the conditions and collide on a... ...
- Jokes About The Irishmen “Hey,” said a new arrival in the pub, “I’ve got some great Irish jokes.” “Before you start,” said the big bloke in the corner, “, I’m Irish.” “Don’t worry,” said... ...