Soft and Hard

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1. A guy steps into an elevator and A guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, “Oh, I’m so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.” […]...
2. Значение идиомы have a soft spot in one’s heart for [have a soft spot in one’s heart for] {v. phr.} To besympathetically inclined towards; entertain a predilection for. Ronalways had a soft spot in his heart for intellectual women wearingminiskirts....
3. Перевод слова soft Soft – мягкий, нежный, ласковый Перевод слова Soft fall – мягкое падение soft to the touch – мягкий на ощупь soft skin – нежная кожа soft embrace – нежное объятие She has Soft skin. У нее нежная кожа. Velvet feels Soft. Бархат мягок на ощупь. She took a Soft option. Она пошла по пути наименьшего […]...
4. An elderly couple in a senior home An elderly couple in a senior’s home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys’s penis. One day she goes down to the rec. room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. “What’s she got that I […]...
5. Перевод идиомы have a soft spot for someone or something, значение выражения и пример использования Идиома: have a soft spot for someone or something Перевод: питать слабость к чему-либо или кому-либо из-за чувства сильной привязанности Пример: He’s always had a soft spot for his youngest son. Он всегда испытывал особую привязанность к своему младшему сыну....
6. A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and asked, “Do all the waiters […]...
7. Перевод слова breast Breast – грудь Перевод слова A child at the breast – грудной ребенок breast feathers – грудное оперение breast of chicken – куриная грудка The male has a white Breast. У самцов грудка белая. She put the baby to her Breast. Она приложила младенца к груди. Do you prefer a Breast or a leg? Вы […]...
8. Значение идиомы soft touch [soft touch] {n.} A person with a sympathetic disposition from whomit is easy to get help, primarily money. My Uncle Herb is a softtouch; whenever I’m in need I ask him for a quick twenty bucks....
9. The scene is a dark jungle in Africa The scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, alright!” The rear tiger says, “sorry,” and they continue. […]...
10. Перевод слова forgive Forgive – прощать Перевод слова To forgive an offence – прощать обиду to forgive a debt – прощать долг forgive a mistake – не взыскивать за ошибку Forgive me, I didn’t mean to insult you. Простите, я не хотел Вас обидеть. Forgive us our sins. Прости нам грехи наши. It is difficult to Forgive anyone […]...
11. Перевод слова elbow Elbow – локоть; толкать Перевод слова Elbow bone – локтевая кость to lean one’s elbow – облокотиться to elbow people aside – отталкивать людей That rude man Elbowed me aside and got on the bus ahead of me! Этот мужлан оттолкнул меня и пролез в автобус передо мной. She Elbows her way into the best […]...
12. Willy’s rolling down the hall of a retirement home Willy’s rolling down the hall of a retirement home acting like he’s driving a car, an orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he’s doing. Willy replies, “I’m going to Chicago for the weekend.” The orderly chuckles and enters Bob’s room to check on him. He catchs Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he […]...
13. A Burglar is in Big Trouble A burglar has just made it into the house he’s intending ransacking, and he’s looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, “I can see you, and so can Jesus!” Startled, the burglar looks around the room. No one there at all, so he goes back to his […]...
14. Значение идиомы heart skip a beat [heart skip a beat] or [heart miss a beat] 1. The heart leaves outor seems to leave out a beat; the heart beats hard or leaps fromexcitement or strong feeling. – Often considered trite. When Paulsaw the bear standing in front of him, his heart skipped a beat. 2.To be startled or excited from surprise, […]...
15. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this Husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back […]...
16. Значение идиомы at one’s elbow [at one’s elbow] {adv. phr.} Close beside you; nearby. The President rode in an open car with his wife at his elbow. Mary practiced for several years to become a champion swimmer and her mother was always at her elbow to help her. Contrast: BREATHE DOWN ONE’S NECK....
17. Camel Died Camel Died A nun and a priest are riding a camel through the dessert. After a few days the camel falls over dead. After looking over the situation the priest figures neither one of them will survive the rest of the journey. The priest asks the nun “I have never seen a woman’s breasts, and […]...
18. Three altar boys are standing in the snow with Three altar boys are standing in the snow with their pants down around their ankles. They have their penis’ in a snow bank. Sister Margaret sticks her head out the window and says, “Boys! Boys! Whatever are you doing… you’re going to catch pneumonia. Put your penis’ away.” The tallest altar boy turns around and […]...
19. Перевод слова hotel Hotel – гостиница, отель Перевод слова Hotel room – комната в гостинице hotel service – гостиничное обслуживание full hotel service – с полным обслуживанием (уборкой, бельем и т. п.) hotel bill – счет за проживание в гостинице We registered at a Hotel. Мы зарегистрировались в гостинице. Turn left after the Hotel. После отеля поверните налево. […]...
20. Perfect customer A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, “I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with […]...
21. Like father like son Little Johnny is in the bathroom taking a pee when the toilet seat falls down on top of his penis. He starts screaming and crying. His mom comes running into the room wondering what’s going on. He tells his mother “Mommy, the toilet seat fell on top of my penis. Kiss it better.” “Johnny you […]...
22. Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are perched near the front door of the girls’ dorm. Several plain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and – barely audibly – inquires, “Tickle your ass with a feather?” The […]...
23. Alcohol vs Women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked the other. The first guy replies, “Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
24. A Mistake in the Hotel Bill Hotel clerk: Here’s the Bill for your four-night stay. Would you like the Incidentals charged to your credit card? May: Incidentals? I think there’s some mistake. I didn’t order any Pay-per-view movies and I never ordered room service. And, I didn’t have any Spa services, either. Hotel clerk: Are you sure? We show three movies […]...
25. A substitute for women A guy says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked his friend. The first guy replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”...
26. Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his […]...
27. How many people work in the U. S. government? One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy’s Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turns to his father and asks, “Dad, how many people work in the U. S. government?” The father replies without hesitating, “Oh, about ten percent.”...
28. A businessman boards a flight 66.A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, “This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American […]...
29. Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, “Mummy, what is that long thing?” His mother replies, “That, son, […]...
30. Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s Just after Lorenna Bobbitt brutally cut off her husband’s penis, she jumped into her car and sped away. On her way down the highway, holding her husbands penis in her hand, she decided to throw it out the window. She opened her window and tossed the penis as far as she could and sped away […]...
31. One day in class the teacher One day in class the teacher has sex education. On the black board she draws a penis then asks the class if any of them knows what it is. In the back of the room, Dirty Johnny stands and says “That’s a penis, and my father has two of them”. The teacher looks surprised and […]...
32. Значение идиомы heart [heart] See: AFTER ONE’S OWN HEART, AT HEART, EAT ONE’S HEART OUT, BREAK ONE’S HEART, BY HEART, CHANGE OF HEART, CROSS ONE’S HEART, DOONE GOOD or DO ONE’S HEART GOOD, FIND IT IN ONE’S HEART, FROM THEBOTTOM OF ONE’S HEART or WITH ALL ONE’S HEART, FROM THE HEART, GET TOTHE HEART OF, HAVE A HEART, […]...
33. Значение идиомы find it in one’s heart [find it in one’s heart] {v. phr.} To be able or willing because ofyour nature. He could not find it in his heart to tell her abouther mother’s death. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? He could never find it in his heart to be mean to a dog....
34. An Unusual Ailment A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class. The man sneezes, pulls out his wang and wipes the tip off. The woman can’t believe what she just saw and decides she is hallucinating. A few minutes pass. The man sneezes again. He pulls out his wang and wipes the […]...
35. Значение идиомы room service [room service] {n.} Service provided to hotel guests in theirrooms. Also: The hotel workers who give this service. We called forroom service when we wanted ice. Room service will install a TVset in your room upon demand....
36. Значение идиомы hard sell [hard sell] {n.}, {informal} A kind of salesmanship characterizedby great vigor, aggressive persuasion, and great eagerness on the partof the person selling something; opposed to “soft sell”. Your hardsell turns off a lot of people; try the soft sell for a change, won’tyou?...
37. Значение идиомы elbow one’s way into [elbow one’s way into] or [out of] {v. phr.} To force entry into aplace by using one’s elbows. The bus was so crowded that, in orderto get off in time, we had to elbow our way to the exit door....
38. An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, “So how has life been treating you?” The old man replies,”The Lord’s been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when […]...
39. Just cut your hair first A young man comes home and says “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.” Father replies, :”O. K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months […]...
40. Story about infinity A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers […]...