Soft and Hard

Related topics:

1. A guy steps into an elevator andA guy steps into an elevator and there’s just one attractive woman in it. He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast. He says, «Oh, I’m so sorry. If your heart is as soft as your breast, I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.» ... Читать далее...
2. A Jewish lady named Mrs. RosenbergA Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort — one that did not admit Jews. The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, «Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.» The Jewish lady said, «But your sign says that you have vacancies.» ... Читать далее...
3. Checking into a HotelI Flew into Atlanta the afternoon before a Big meeting. I Hailed a taxi at the airport and told the driver the name of the hotel. I asked him How long it would take to get there. He said it would only be 20 minutes. I sat back and relaxed. We got to the hotel ... Читать далее...
4. A Mistake in the Hotel BillHotel clerk: Here’s the Bill for your four-night stay. Would you like the Incidentals charged to your credit card? May: Incidentals? I think there’s some mistake. I didn’t order any Pay-per-view movies and I never ordered room service. And, I didn’t have any Spa services, either. Hotel clerk: Are you sure? We show three movies ... Читать далее...
5. Some horse-playThe newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal. «No,» he said, «I don’t believe I’ll need it. I’ll just grab onto her ears and hold on ... Читать далее...
6. At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guyAt 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. «It opens at noon,» answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even= drunker. «What time does the bar open?» he asks. «Same time as ... Читать далее...
7. God created woman, and she had 3 breastsGod created woman, and she had 3 breasts. He said to the woman, «Is there anything on you that you’d like to change?» She said, «Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?» God snapped his fingers and it was done. She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand, «What am I going ... Читать далее...
8. Spell itWoman: Two *Achoo!* tickets, please. Clerk: Have you purchased tickets here before? Woman: *cough* No. Clerk: Then I need your address. Woman: Okay. It’s 260..*AHEM* Sorry..Laryngitis… Clerk: You’ll have to spell that one for me....
9. Перевод слова deskDesk — письменный стол, парта; стойка, касса Перевод слова Writing desk — письменный стол to clear one’s desk — навести порядок на своем столе front desk — конторка портье, консьержа He parked behind a Desk. Он устроился за партой. His Desk is always messy. У него на письменном столе всегда беспорядок. No one was manning ... Читать далее...
10. Перевод слова breastBreast — грудь Перевод слова A child at the breast — грудной ребенок breast feathers — грудное оперение breast of chicken — куриная грудка The male has a white Breast. У самцов грудка белая. She put the baby to her Breast. Она приложила младенца к груди. Do you prefer a Breast or a leg? Вы ... Читать далее...
11. Describing Distances and Giving DirectionsDaniella: Could you tell where I can find a drugstore? Hotel clerk: Sure. There’s one Up the street near the Corner of Selma and Main. If you get to Abreu Avenue, you’ve Gone too far. It’s Set back from the street so it’s a little hard to find. Daniella: Oh, that’s okay. I’ll keep an ... Читать далее...
12. Arranging Airport TransferMy wife and I bought a Vacation package and we thought that it included everything. We should have Double-checked that it included Airport transfer to our hotel as well. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. My wife wanted to take a Taxi, but I Nixed that idea. It would Cost an arm and a leg. I ... Читать далее...
13. Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider thisHusband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston After almost twenty-four hours on the road, They’re too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back ... Читать далее...
14. Asking for RecommendationsHotel Clerk: Can I help you with something? Victor: Yes, I was hoping you could recommend a restaurant nearby. Clerk: What kind of food would you like? Victor: I’m not Picky. I’m looking for something moderately priced That’s within Walking distance. Clerk: There’s a good seafood restaurant called “Galeno’s” about two blocks away. Would you ... Читать далее...
15. Some explainingThe newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy their two week vacation/honeymoon. The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, «Well, hi Jimmy, how ya been lover? Long time no see.» A frosty silence prevailed until the ... Читать далее...
16. Thank you..thank you very much!Father O’Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the ... Читать далее...
17. The three wishesAn old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when—all of a sudden—a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes. «Well, now,» says the old lady, «I guess I would like to be really ... Читать далее...
18. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
19. Speaking to a Store Clerk on the PhoneClerk: Hello. Levin’s Music. Ariel: Hello. I was wondering if you Carry classical CD’s. Clerk: Yes, we have a pretty large Selection. What are you looking for? Ariel: I’m trying to find the Latest Reunion Island Ensemble CD. Clerk: I’m not sure we have that In stock. We have a lot of CD’s on Back ... Читать далее...
20. Перевод слова elbowElbow — локоть; толкать Перевод слова Elbow bone — локтевая кость to lean one’s elbow — облокотиться to elbow people aside — отталкивать людей That rude man Elbowed me aside and got on the bus ahead of me! Этот мужлан оттолкнул меня и пролез в автобус передо мной. She Elbows her way into the best ... Читать далее...
21. A department storeA really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: «W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?» Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more times: ... Читать далее...
22. An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his nameAn Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked «Can i help you sir?» Our man said «Yes, I would like to change my name.» «What is your current name?» asked the clerk. «Martin Arsehole,» replied the man. The clerk laughed, and said «I ... Читать далее...
23. The scene is a dark jungle in AfricaThe scene is a dark jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the brush when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the ass of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, «Hey! Cut it out, alright!» The rear tiger says, «sorry,» and they continue. ... Читать далее...
24. Значение идиомы at one’s elbow[at one’s elbow] {adv. phr.} Close beside you; nearby. The President rode in an open car with his wife at his elbow. Mary practiced for several years to become a champion swimmer and her mother was always at her elbow to help her. Contrast: BREATHE DOWN ONE’S NECK....
25. A woman asks the hardware store clerk«Do you have any batteries?» a woman asks the hardware store clerk. «Yes, m’am.» The clerk gestures with his finger. «Can you come this way?» «If I could come that way,» the woman says, «I wouldn’t need the batteries.»...
26. A Difficult Place to FindRicardo: I’m Making one more pass and if we don’t see a sign for the hotel, I’m Heading back into town. I’m tired and I want a shower. Marsha: I’m sure we’ll find it. When I talked to the Desk clerk, she said that the hotel is Hidden away behind some trees and To keep ... Читать далее...
27. Перевод идиомы make a clean breast of (something), значение выражения и пример использованияИдиома: make a clean breast of (something) Перевод: признаться в чем-либо содеянном, признать свою вину Пример: The woman made a clean breast of things and tried to start over. Женщина во всем призналась, и решила начать все сначала. The man went to the police and made a clean breast of his crime. Мужчина пришел в ... Читать далее...
28. Two AA batteriesWoman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, «Come this way,» and heads towards the back of the store. «If I could come that way,» she tells the retreating clerk, «I wouldn’t need the batteries.»...
29. A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologistA beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, «Do you know what I’m ... Читать далее...
30. A man and a woman are sitting next to each otherA man and a woman are sitting next to each other at a bar getting drunk. The man turns to the woman and asks her why she’s so down. «My husband just left me. He said I’m too kinky in bed,» she said. «What a coincidence! My wife just left me,» said the man, «she ... Читать далее...
31. Jones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has toJones is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his ... Читать далее...
32. A blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded womanA blonde woman competed with a brunette and redheaded woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde woman finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked: «I don’t want to complain, but I think those ... Читать далее...
33. Hotel HousekeepingI’m so glad that the hotel I Booked didn’t Turn out To be a Dump. The last time I went on vacation, I booked it online Sight unseen, and it turned out to be a Run down hotel. This hotel was completely different. The Decor was tasteful and updated, the Staff was friendly, and the ... Читать далее...
34. Buying SouvenirsI was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not ... Читать далее...
35. Buying SouvenirsI was vacationing in Miami, Florida, and I went into a Souvenir store to get some gifts for friends back home. Lydia: Could you show me where the T-shirts Are? Clerk: Sure, they’re on the left, along the wall. Can I help you find something? Lydia: I’d like to get a T-shirt, but I’m not ... Читать далее...
36. Changing MoneyI was at the airport to pick up my friend Sandra, who was visiting from Italy. Gustavo: Do you Have everything? Sandra: Yes, I think so. But, I don’t have any U. S. dollars. Where can I Change money? Can I do that here? Gustavo: You could, but I wouldn’t Recommend it. The Exchange rate ... Читать далее...
37. A woman walks into a pet storeA woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive. The woman says to the clerk at the counter, «I’m looking to buy a pet for my husband but I’m on a very short budget!.» «No worries,» replies the clerk. ... Читать далее...
38. Slight confusionOne night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said,»Honey, can you go over ... Читать далее...
39. Значение идиомы funny bone[funny bone] {n.} 1. The place at the back of the elbow that hurtslike electricity when accidentally hit. He hit his funny bone onthe arm of the chair. 2. or {informal} [crazy bone] Sense of humor;understanding jokes. Her way of telling the story tickled his funnybone....
40. Buying a Men’s SuitSales clerk: Good afternoon. What can I help you find? Bo: I’m looking for a Suit for work. Sales clerk: I’m sure we have something for you. Are you looking for a traditional or Contemporary suit? Bo: I’m not sure. I’d like To try on some different ones. Sales clerk: That’s no problem. Let me ... Читать далее...